How do I get out of this one...?

Question

We're unmarried and from Scotland, I signed the baby's birth certificate in Jun gave me full parental rights to him, same as her.

She's rude, arrogant and really quite vicious, she's left me several horrible and nasty voicemails on my phone which I've kept recordings of, she's kicked me in the balls, thrown stuff at me and generally makes my life hell, the final straw came the other night when I was crawling on the floor playing with my son and she kicked my in the jaw cause me to chip my tooth off another tooth.

I love her but I'm ready to go, the house is in her and her fathers name as my credit's shocking but I have my wages paid directly into her account and I pay the mortgage from my wages as a standing order - from her account. She doesn't work.

Where do I stand with regards to getting 50/50 custody of my son and getting my share of the house.

Should I go now or should I stay for a while longer and build more evidence of her nasty bullying tactics, maybe keep a diary?

I do have a backbone nut once I walk out of this house there's no going back and I'm not leaving my son - I want to stay longer to build a definive case of abuse against her and to prove her to be unfit.

She wouldn't hurt my child, of that I'm certain.

I'd love to think that she had post natal depression but the fact of the matter is that I should never have had a child with her and I should have walked away years ago but I didn't and now I'm paying the price for it.

Answer 1

Just get out now for the kids sake. Let the lawyers sort out all the other stuff.

Answer 2

ok firstly..
1) why is she bullying/beating you so much and have you reported it? its not normal! No one has the right to hit anyone like this, no matter who they are. What have you done to make her hate you so much? and if she is like this with you why the hell do you say..and dont say its cos you love her cos thats a very weak excuse. Wheres your backbone man!
2) If your name is on the childs birth certificate then you dont have a problem regards getting rights to access to your child.
It may take a little time and a good solicitor but you will be given what you deserve providing you pay maintainance!! ..and make sure you do otherwise thats another thing she will have against you.

..and 3) Be strong! You deserve more than this. Do you really want your child to grow up in a home where the parents are violent to each other..or the mother is violent towards the father? No way......I would walk away now while you still can. and hold your head high. Everyone deserves happiness mate/..

good luck!
x

Answer 3

Hi, I'm in Scotland also ! This woman is abusive and needs to be reported for domestic violence, you must do this as I am sure it will help in your case for 50/50 custody of your precious son. Remember that one day her anger could be directed at him !
Stop paying your money into her bank account, do you have or are you able to get any type of bank/building society account ? If not try discussing the matter with your boss and maybe they will pay you cash, you can then still pay the mortgage from this. If I were you I would try visiting the Building society where the mortgage is held, show them proof that your pay is paid into her account ( take proof ), maybe they will set up an account for you.
I do hope things sort themselves out for you but DO NOT put up with disgusting domestic violence. Best wishes.

Answer 4

Call the police, document her violent behavior, get a restraining order and get out of this relationship. It sounds very dangerous and unhealthy.

You will get at least 50\50 time with your child, so don't settle for anything less. You sound like a good person.

Don't fight with your ex. EVER!! Take the high road and you will have your self respect, and she won't have any power over you. She will get tired of playing games eventually.

Quit paying the bills today. Get an attorney and protect your interests before going any further. Your child needs at least one stable, healthy parent in her life.

I have three kids. Was a single parent. Don't worry about the parenting thing. If I could do it as a single parent anyone can do it! Good luck!

Answer 5

What a horrid situation to be in. If I were you I would get out as quickly as I could. It just goes to show that men can be the victims of abuse just the same as women.

I would contact social services and report her behaviour. It may be that you will have to take 100% of this child over. I would not want my flesh and blood to be around a violent person at any time. How long before she starts her antics on him. Could you ever forgive yourself? It's a hard one to deal with but the safety of you and your son is paparmount.

By keeping on paying the mortgage and being her punch bag you are encouraging this behaviour. She needs to learn that her actions have consequences.

Best of luck - I really feel for you.

Answer 6

If this is serious you need to get out and take your son with you!

If she is violent to you then what would she do to him if she got cross?!

1st step - leave for somewhere safe and take your son with you

2nd step - don't be embarrassed but report her abuse to the police and explain why you have your son with you.

As you signed the birth certificate you have the same parental rights over your son. When this goes to court if she has been violent to you this will go against her and you have very good rights concerning custody as her violence and the safety of your son will be taken into consideration.

Answer 7

Role reversal..I called the police after an attack,they removed him and I was taken, with my child, to a safe place. This is no different. Get a solicitor NOW, contact your GP, the Police,Social Services and put an end to this abuse, they will not judge you,only support you. My ex hasn't been allowed near my daughter for 8 years. You have to make a fuss and be stronger than you are now. Gather support and think of only what is best for you child. Good luck.

Answer 8

Oh my life - please don't stay for more of the same treatment. Does she have post natal depression or has she always been like this? P'raps she needs to see a doctor. This behaviour is crazy. Think of how it will affect your son. Seek the advice of a solicitor tomorrow to see where you stand with your son and the house. My feeling is that you don't have parent responsibility if you are unmarried and have to apply for this. Good luck.

Answer 9

I'm a criminal defence lawyer and i live in Scotland

I'm pregnant with triplets 17 weeks tomorrow

however

IF you are on the birth certificate then you are allowed access, its very rare that the court would take the child away from the mother in fact its pretty much unheard of, unless there is a real threat to the child.

YOU have no chance on the house , its in her name, you could take her to small claims and get some of the money back that you paid the morg with but really its going to cost you a fortune to take her thru small claims

my legal advice?

let her have the house and leave report the violence to the police and they will take a record, have her done for assault and then go for custody of your son, use the assault against her to get custody

my advice as a mother to be?

its much better for the child if the mummy and daddy get on, however its not always possible but still worth a shot right?

Answer 10

I think you have enough evidence "threecraws" get the heck out of there. Make yourself a promise"I will never let anyone abuse me, mistreat me or otherwise cause pain to my life".
I'm in the US so your laws are different, she just has to prove your not a fit father and from where I'm sitting your not the weak one here. Yes, anger and combative actions is the trait of a vicious weak person. Go find some peace.

Answer 11

You are a victim of Domestic Violence. You NEED to get out. I hope that your child is not being abused as well. If she is not abusive to the child then work that out together or in court, if need be. The house is not worthy. You are. GET OUT. If you really love her and you realize that the two of you can not find happiness together, you should part my friend and allow her and yourself to find happiness apart from one another. Sometimes loving someone does mean letting them go.