I do love my fiance (been engaged for a year), but I have fallen in love with a married man and can't get over it. I started a relationship with this guy and he said he and his wife were separating. He told me he loved me and wanted to spend his life with me. When his wife found out about us he suddenly has to stay for the kids. He says he couldn't bear to just be a "weekend dad". What should I do? I can't get over him!!
2007-09-04 04:16:12 · 28 answers · asked by holly p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
While you should never have entered into this relationship in the first place, what's done is done.
You need to cut all ties to this other man and remain with your fiance. If you truly love him, you can do it.
However if you no longer love your fiance, it's time to move on and allow hm to have a life with a woman who deserves him. One who will love him completely and not string him along while having an affair on the side.
As a mom - what kind of example are you setting for your daughter? That it's ok to be promiscuous? Married or not - if you are in a committed relationship, cheating is wrong.
You may not yet be married, but you've been with the same man for 15 years - that's a large part of his life (and yours) that you are about to "throw away". Give this some serious thought and honestly do what's best for your family.
Also, seek counseling. You need it as an individual, and once your fiance finds out about your affair, you'll both need it as a couple - and possibly as a family as well should your daughter catch wind of it.
Best Wishes
2007-09-04 04:43:25 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Ariana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best answer that anyone could give you is to leave the married man alone, because of the infidelity, and there are children involved. But I would like to go a little further.
Sometimes in marriages, or long term relationships when another person steps into the picture we tend to say that we have fallen out of love with our current partner because there is something that the other person does for you that your current partner is not doing. I believe that you need to identify what drew you to this other man, and see if these things are areas that your current partner is not covering.
Infatuation can easily be mistaken for love. If you are feeling the way that you are feeling I believe that you and your current partner need to talk about your relationship.
Infactuation comes and goes, but true love is there forever.
Don't let infactuation come between your love for your spouse.
2007-09-04 05:01:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The whole thing with the married man is never going to work out. If he is "staying for the kids" chances are you weren't anything to him and it was all a scheme to get you in bed with him. It doesn't seem that he and his wife were separating at all. If they were, why would she care if he had another woman coming into his life? I also think that if you love your fiance, you should come clean about the affair. Especially if you still want to have a relationship with him. It will hurt him, and he may leave, but keeping secrets like that inside can eat at you and may cause bigger problems down the road.
2007-09-04 04:29:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to get over him because I honestly doubt he'll ever leave his wife (hard to hear but you have to face it). You have to let this guy go and move on. I think what concerns me most is the fact that this happened in the first place. I think you need to figure out what was missing in your present relationship that allowed you to wander. If you don't figure it out (and fix it) you're in danger of having it happen again. Please don't prolong your agony with the married guy - set him free (back to where he needs to be). Try to figure out why this happened. Is there anything good that can come from it? You're not a bad person, you just made a mistake. Don't listen to all the judgemental people out there who will throw insults at you (let he who is without sin cast the first stone...) they're not trying to help you, just trying (for some odd reason) to hurt you when you're already hurting enough.
2007-09-04 04:40:14 · answer #4 · answered by spiffy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, you're going to have to get over him. He is not going to leave his wife, and you are currently engaged to the father of your daughter. Grow up, and focus on your own family. It's just an infatuation, and you knew going into it he was married. I don't feel sorry for you, and I don't know why other women want men to leave their wives. Don't you think if he leaves his wife for another woman, he will leave you the same way? Move on, and hopefully this won't destroy what you already have with your fiance.
2007-09-04 04:34:55 · answer #5 · answered by Student Doctor House 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly I think you should get rid of both of them and let me explain why I say this. If it has taken your fiance 15 years and 11 years since the birth of your daughter to decide he wants to marry you I think it's not meant to be and the married guy, well that goes without saying. HE"S MARRIED!! You deserve to have your heart broken over that one, that's what you get when you go sneaking under other fences. You have waisted enough of your life on the wrong men, give yourself a chance to find the right one sweetie!!
2007-09-04 05:09:31 · answer #6 · answered by LilSunbeam 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been with a man for 15 years, have an eleven year old daughter and still aren't married, chances are he's not going to marry you. Rightfully so, you are messing with a married man. I wouldn't dream of you being a "keeper".
The married man is going to stay married to his WIFE! You were used... sorry for you!
2007-09-04 05:21:35 · answer #7 · answered by surelycoolgirl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should concentrate on you fiance and your daughter. I'm sure you knew before going through with this relationship that there was a chance that you would get played. He told you what you wanted to hear t get in your pants and now is dumping you. Learn the lesson and move on.
2007-09-04 04:33:50 · answer #8 · answered by frawlicious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You've been had. He told you he was separating to get into your pants. Figure out what you want and for heavens sake, don't cheat while in a long term relationship. It only messes up the other person. You need to learn what love is because it seems you really have no idea....good luck :)
2007-09-04 04:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are walking down a hard road. You need to let your fiance go. It is unfair to him to have a relationship built on lies. You made the mess now you have to clean it up. Married men normally don't leave their wives. So you can be his lover for the time he will have you and be alone. Or you can move on and find another man to be with..
2007-09-04 04:22:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋