To the PARENTS out there, how would you handle this?

Question

My 17 yr old. son broke up with his ex-gf of 1 1/2 yrs, and has been seeing somebody else for the past cpl. months now. While going through my PC, I found "vaginal" pics. When I traced the souce, it took me to the ex's cell phone number. Apparentely, she took the pics with her camera phone and sent them to him earlier this month.
I know she's having a hard time letting go, and, he's swore to me that they never had sex. I want them both to be aware of my knowledge of this and let them know that this is NOT acceptible behavior of a young lady and a young man and that she just needs to move on.
Parents, any suggestions??

Answer 1

You have done all that you can do and a good job of it, too! You checked up on the pix, you found out the source, and you confronted your son with what you found out. Now comes the difficult part, as a parent, and you have to go on past behavior as the predictor of what he is telling you now. IF your son is always straight up with you then you have to go with his story that they have not had sex., though at their age chances are slim that they have not been celibate for a year and a half. I find that them just knowing the you know is a BIG deal and often the discussion that you had with him is enough to prevent anything else from happening. Your guidelines have not just began. You have been teaching him for 17yrs and though he's dealing with some heavy hormones at his age, he seems to see that she is just trying to do what she can to keep him. Kids don't like to disappoint their parents. I'm sure he listened to what you said about the ex g/f...and if you make a bigger deal out of it he may not come to you next time. Keep those verbal doors wide open with teens...and they will come to you or at least discuss it with you when they get caught. You have to pick your battles at this age and it sounds to me like you have done a great job! sometimes, just the embarrassment of getting caught with something like the pix, keeps them from letting things go any farther.

Answer 2

Er lady

That IS acceptable and perfectly normal behavour of mid to lat teenagers in any relationship of more then a few months.

With one exception

Wake up your kids gorw up and at 17 practically adults.

You actually think they are virgins? get real

Also lady you need to enter reality.

What do you think picture and mobile phones mms systems were mainly used for?

Apart from the horrific and evil so called happy slapping ie videoing people get beaten up.

Before most got the phones they were mainly brought by couples to sent naughty pics and videos as part of love making .

What do you expect late teen couples to be doing all the time...? playing snakes and ladders?


Your job as parents is to give all the help support and guidance they need with handling sexaul realtioships.


Often the shoulder to cry on when dumped but also all the pian and joy and how to tell if he/she likes you stuff.

and also contrception.


*** The only problem I see is is she may be having trouble letting go as a first long term relationship


Most certainly if a 17 year old couple they will be sening naughty and playful pics to each other along the lines of.

Do you want to hang with the boys or come and play with these.

its all normal tease, flirt love making stuff.

However its more the emotional state of the ex im worried about. May need help comming to terms with all this and hugs and stuff.



Apart from the sad ex bit wanting to possibly get back.


Guys like porn.you son if normal has been into nudie pics and videos since about 14 in line with hormones.

Girlfriend often know this... so make up their own girlfriend porn for boyfriend so checking out her not others.

The best way to deal with that is light teasing and leting him no its cool hes a guy no different to you girls having rock star pin ups.

just dont embarras him too much...

Answer 3

Wow... that would be a shock to discover. I would start with your son. I think you said it right there, it is NOT acceptiable behaviour, and he is well rid of someone that would do that.

Perhaps you can call her, explain you found the pictures, and you had always felt that she had more respect for herself than that? Then explain she is quite lucky that your son isn't a jerk and didn't post these pictures all over the place, which is what a lot of people would have done. If she persist, I would talk to her mother.

As far as not having sex... 17, together a year and a half, and sending private shots to him doesn't sound like she is exactly chaste. I would question that. Fact is, most kids are having sex at 17. Sounds like you and your son have great communication, though, so if you haven't had a frank discussion, maybe it is time to go over STD's. pregnancy, and how to protect yourself.

Good luck, and you have my deepest sympathies for finding something like this.... wow.

Answer 4

I would sit down with your son first and ask calmly what's going on? Is this girl possibly stalking him? Is there any danger from her? If yes, take it to the police..if no, then you can call her yourself, let her know that this is unacceptable. Maybe scare her with the fact that sending lewd pics of a minor (even if it's herself) is a federal crime of child pornagraphy. Chances are, she will be so very embarrassed that anyone else saw those it will stop her. If that doesn't, the scare of being charged with a crime should. Also, suggest that she get some help, maybe even suggest that to her parents because this is odd behavior (even for a teenage girl, and teenage girls do odd things anyway) and maybe she has something else going on, or that has gone on in her life that needs to be addressed.

Answer 5

im not a parent but i think you should send her an email if possible and tell her you found the pix and you don't want to see that on our comp or on your family's cell phone any more shes needs to start acting like a young lady ...its sad shes havin a hard time letting go but everyone goes threw a heart break some time when they are younger and it happeneds
i wouldn't presure your son to say anything about havin sex w/ your cuz they were responsible cuz shes not pregnant hes almost an adult maybe talk to him about what will happen if he gets a girl pregnant
good luck

Answer 6

I think you need to talk to your son first and let him explain what's going on in his life then spell it out for him. Let him know that while he may be curious about sex and it's normal at his age it is not acceptable to have pornographic pictures in your house even if she is the one sending them. If he has a cell phone I think it needs to be taken away as well as his computer privlidges. Then contact her parents and explain to them what happened so they can deal with the situation how they see fit.

Answer 7

Wow.
Ok, I know you asked for Parents, but I can see that you might need help from a teenager.
Your son....is 17. in one year, or however long it is till his next birthday, he will be 18, and to him....it wont matter if you find it "unacceptable".
He will feel as if you invaded his privacy and will be very angry and will feel uncomfortable possibly ever bringing a girl home to you.

One more thing. YOU are the MOTHER and he is the SON! Sons dont tell their mothers about their sex life.
Seeing how you are reacting to this, I can only imagine what he thinks would happen if he told you they DID have sex!
Your son is not a virgin, and it would be very unwise to talk to him about this. He will be embarassed and wont feel comfortable around you anymore.

Answer 8

they were together for 1 1/2 yrs? well then they have had sex. more then likely the girl also has pics of your son on her computer. Have you even thought about that? I would personally talk to him and just tell him that you dont like it and you dont want that kind of stuff on your computer.

Answer 9

Your son is not a virgin and he and his ex have had sex before. I know, hard to imagine....so dont try. be happy that it was not "penis" pics you found....lol. anyways. all you can do it continue to teach your son proper morals and respect for women. sounds like this girl may have been a little bit (wink wink) too promiscuos for him anyways...maybe that is why he broke up with her. All you can do is teach him OPENNESS and respect ...good luck. Also if you are the one paying for his cell phone, you can tell him to delete any and all pornographic photos and text messages or he can't have the phone anymore.

Answer 10

Take the pics and put them up on the fridge cause that is where most teenage boys spend there time and the next time he walks in there he will see them and that should spark a conversation for both of you.