I have been with him almost three years, I have built my life around him. I just moved to a little town in the middle of nowhere for him. He has lost my trust because I found him on singles websites, tells girls he's single in his chats, looks for singles on myspace, and looked at a call girl website. I don't know exactly how long this been going on and I don't know if he's cheated, but how can I be sure when he says he hasn't. I've had my doubts about him since christmas when he receive a sexy photo from a girl on his cell phone. He hardly ever wants to be intimate with me and I'm an attractive young woman. He told me he has a sexual addiction, I just don't know if I can handle this anymore. I believe he's going to have problems the rest of his life and I don't know if it's worth the pain. He wants me to give him another chance. This is a fork in the road for me, I can go one way or the other and I need to make my decision today or tomorrow. I need advice.
2007-09-04 02:54:45 · 26 answers · asked by hey, be a decent human being 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He did ask me to go to counseling with him.
2007-09-04 03:05:50 · update #1
and he was a sexual addict before I met him.
2007-09-04 03:06:42 · update #2
Educate yourself about sex addiction, and who ever said...because he is not having sex with you, that he is not a sex addict is wrong. It is one of the major signs of sex addiction. Not all addicts cheat physically, some live in fantasy and cheat in their mind, over time it will lead to full blown cheating and i am not saying if he has already done this. They never tell you the extent of there addiction, so everything he tells you, take with a grain of salt. This is just the tip of the ice berg. There is more then likely things you dont know. Like a drug addict or an alcoholic...he will have this for the rest of his life, whether he chooses to change, he needs professional help with someone who specialises in SA, but he needs to want to change, usually it is only when he has hit rock bottom and loses is job, partner or a brush with the law......that they admitt they have a problem, by then they have already made a big mistake. You never think it could happen...but believe me, my husband is now a registered sex offender. This is a roller coaster ride from hell and it will destroy you if he continues this behaviour .If you choose to leave... do it before you have little children. please feel free to email me as i have walked in your shoes and beyond.
My heart goes out to you.
2007-09-06 16:04:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
I will tell you what I did. I had a guy admit to me that he had an addiction. I ended up breaking up w/ him. It's actually cheating, girl. You have to give him an ultimatum...you, or the addiction...if he gives in to the addiction even once more, leave. And, find a man who does not do these things. State in the beginning that you don't want a man into porn or anything of the sort! good luck...! Hmmm... you want to decide today or tomorrow? Then, you should leave now. Let him know why. Good Luck! =) Otherwise, you will live a life of wondering and unstability. You need a stable and mature man! Go find him! =) Mature men won't do these things.
2007-09-04 03:03:24 · answer #2 · answered by elvlayarvvi fEisty wife and mom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say go to the counseling with him if he is willing. Maybe it will help him to figure out why he has the problem. But if he has no support to help him why should he bother?
What have you got to lose a relationship that you are about to walk away from anyway.
Give it 6 months if you don't see an improvement then walk away cause it will get worse.
Make sure you go to the right counselor for sex addicts not drugs or alcohol they are handled completely different.
If the counselor suggest a 12 step program walk away from them and find someone else.
Good Luck with this and let me know how it goes if you can.
2007-09-04 03:16:25 · answer #3 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes he is going to have problems for the rest of his life as any addict would. His wanting both of you to go to counseling is a good sign. A sex addict can get tools to help them with their addiction if that is what they choose. His looking at those photos has nothing, and I mean nothing to do with how he feels about you. It is an addiction. You can't fix this or force him to. Do you love him, i mean really love him? Then you need as much information and help as you can. I have two websites that can help both of you if you'd like. Because even if you don't stay with him you still need some information about this. Sex addicts tend to be more attracted and attractive to us codependents. And there is almost always something in us that needs to please them or fix them to make it better.
I hope this helps.
2007-09-07 01:40:03 · answer #4 · answered by wilfeistykitten2003 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, you cannot help him even if you tried. A sexual addiction is much like a drug or alcohol addiction. You may be able to be a support while he is seeking his own freedom, but I doubt that you will be able to do this well, since you are emotionally involved with him. It will be hard, but I would break the ties and just pray for him. I had to do this with my ex. I actually prayed about it and wound up moving to a different state. My life has never been the same. I got over him with the help of God, and got married to a wonderful man about 4 years later! God can do the same for you!
2007-09-04 03:04:33 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey, if he was really an addict for sex you would be the first person rubbed raw. You say he doesn't touch you, then what does that tell you? He's not an addict, he's a cheater. Get out before you catch a dreadful , deadly disease.
2007-09-09 20:33:45 · answer #6 · answered by Go GO Ressa 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is best to dump him and end the relationship. A sex addict cannot change he 18 or 78.
2007-09-09 16:58:39 · answer #7 · answered by jillybilly 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Take the fork in the road that leads away from him or you will be miserable the rest of you life wondering when is the next time that he is going to cheat on you.....
2007-09-04 03:04:52 · answer #8 · answered by Lookin-2-Talk 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's gonna be a very rough one. I mean love conquers but I been through somewhat of your situation, except that when we broke up he had sex with 2 other and one was a friend who was helping me cope with the situation. You have to be able to be commited and not shove it in his face. You have to learn to be loving and affectionate and take good care of yourself! I wish you the best of luck!
2007-09-04 03:22:11 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
another chance for what, to lie or cheat, people like that never change, this web site is proof of that, find u someone who cares about you, you will be better off in the long run, good luck
2007-09-04 03:03:50 · answer #10 · answered by charlesjerrell 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋