My husband and I separated and I want to know how to help my kids deal with this.
2007-09-04 00:39:31 · 19 answers · asked by betty boo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
First, reasure them, that the breakup is not their fault, you would be surprised at the number of children who feel that deep down they were the cause of their parents breakup.
Do not run the father down, it serves no purpose. You will be having to deal with him regarding the children, until they reach age 18, try to respect each other. Do not pump the children about what there father is doing, who he is dating, when they are at his house visiting. Meet with the father, and set some ground rules, about eating junk food, bedtime routines. then stick together, present a united front. You will prevent the children playing you off against each other. Try to be happy, Happy Moms, raise good kids.
2007-09-04 00:52:39 · answer #1 · answered by Anne2 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how old your children are but let them know that it ain't there fault and they did not do anything wrong and no matter what you and daddy love them. If there old enough to ask questions tell them the truth to the extent don't give them more info than they need. Be there for them and tell them that everything will be ok. I know how hard it is my kids cry for there dad but you now have to be two people. I wish you all the luck you and your kids will do fine. Do you and your children have a support group like family or friends to help you? If so you won't ever be alone you'll at least have some help.
2007-09-04 01:03:27 · answer #2 · answered by ~~Just me~~ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something that will hurt the kids for a long time, and with that, any healing that happens will happen over time.
Don't push them to get over it, because it will just cause more problems. Each child deals with things like this differently, and you need to be attentive to each child's needs.
When the parents seperate or divorce, it's a very traumatic expirience for the kids.
And not something easily healed.
2007-09-04 01:03:44 · answer #3 · answered by Bryan M 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Provide you kids with a safe place to be. Sometimes its better for the kids not to hear all the fighting. Don't let them use one of you against the other, and never speak bad against their dad to them( you choose him to be their dad). If their dad wants to see them, let him, never keep their dad away, unless he is abusive to them. Start living your life in a positive way, and the kids will see how good it can be. Your kids are your # 1 responsibility and their care and well being(above your own) is on your shoulders, not an easy life you have ahead of you, but one that you can handle. I did.
2007-09-04 01:04:49 · answer #4 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how long ago did he leave? be open for the kids questions. be gentle and honest with them as best as possible. every child is different and depending on them, their ages and the situation they may need more help dealing with it. a happy healthy mom makes all the difference in the world. if you cry all day and cant get off the couch from depression, get yourself help because thats how they see the situation through you. good luck.
2007-09-04 00:50:16 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be there for them for hugs if they need it, for time to vent if they need it. What ever you do don't put their father down in front of them. I know that is difficult but it shows them repsect. If they are really have a tough time you may want to have the school counselor help as well in counseling them. This is something you can't heal. They adjust to the changes over time. Good luck. Just love them all you can.
2007-09-04 00:48:27 · answer #6 · answered by Stefbear 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try to keep things at home as normal as possible. Keep the schedule that they are used to, answer any of their questions as honestly as possible. Do not or let anyone else speak badly of him any where near them. If they start acting up, getting angry, depressed, not sleeping or eating well maybe you could consider getting them into counseling. Just try and put yourself in their place.....what would you want your mom to do or not do to get you through this time.... Children need time to adjust and get through a divorce just like you will. Lots of hugs and kisses, a sympathetic ear....quality time together....it will be ok!
2007-09-04 00:49:20 · answer #7 · answered by TC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there is counseling for children to cope with seperating parents in your local community and you should check into it . Plus you can have the school intervine just incase there are problems with school. They are ready to assit with children coping from a disrupted home when a parent leaves.
2007-09-04 00:47:21 · answer #8 · answered by PJH 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best way is to never to apart. Childrens need both parent. It is difficult answer as the situation changes from one to one. Time is the healing factor.
2007-09-04 00:46:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You let the kids see their dad as often as they want.
You let them call their dad every day or every evening to say good night.
You never make comments about him in front of the kids.
You do your best to be civilized with your ex-husband when he picks them up.
Most important: Happy women make happy moms. Take care of yourself, do not let yourself go down because of your separation.
2007-09-04 00:46:56 · answer #10 · answered by Jane Marple 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋