Hi kids! It's time for the next installment of the Almanac of Failures. This time we go to Detroit. Imagine how many tries it took for them to come up with some of these car names. I want the ones people got fired for.
and you can add a slogan or a description of why it failed or both or even what consumer reports said about it.
Examples you say? Oh y'know like the Ford Probe! HAHAHA!!! Can you imagine if they called a car a PROBE? that would be hilari— (what's that?) uh... never mind.
The Dodge Draft
(Shared a slogan w Taco Bell- Make a run for the border!)
The Ford Excrement
(Runs on methane but don't get behind it in a traffic jam)
The Mitsubishi Itchipussi
(For the lonely housewife on the prowl)
The Toyota Beer Runner
(Off-road capable, cause you never know)
Give me your best flops!!!!
P.S. Sorry, I forgot to pick a BA on Dinoflops but for my money it was tied between Guinness, Wow, Randall & Stacey (who the voters picked). I promise I'll pick this time.
I LOVE YOU GUYS!!
2007-09-04 00:34:42 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Words & Wordplay
Oh you guys... I'm speechless... You are all out doing yourselves. But when you get back I want to be the first to shake your hand. ...the other one.
T-Class (pure genius)
What Le F*ck (brilliant)
The Vulva (Obvious but masterfully executed)
The Trenton (hits too close to home literally, what were they thinking?) welcome aboard my question Cheese! There should be a seat belt back there somewhere, you'll need it. We still have Stacey B to pick up.
2007-09-04 11:30:12 · update #1
I should give this to Randall for the Lincoln Masturbator (Letting me know that word gets by the censors alone is worth something). Very funny stuff Ran' the man! C]8?D. Keep coming back, you're getting very close to a best answer)
Guinness, Guinness, Guinness, you so deserve the best answer that the next one you post, even if it's lousy, wins. Not that lousy is possible for you.
You truly made me LOL (and I'm Mr. Deadpan, I rarely LOL) in fact I 'm gonna write you a question. (I know I promised on the last one and didn't but I gotta make a living here too.)
And Cheese was grate too! I can't cut the cheese, all good stuff and you win the Muenster Truck! But I have an old debt to pay back to a man who saved my life once back in '64. Yes, we were in the foxhole when a grenade came flying in and Wow bill threw himself on top of it to save the rest of our lives and that's why he has no penis today. What a guy! He also earned it with his iniminiminitable genius and rapist sharp wit!
2007-09-06 12:28:23 · update #2
Stacey B deserves honorable mention for that heart felt advertisment. brilliance in a beautiful package.
I don't know who the hell she was talking about though.
2007-09-06 12:31:13 · update #3
Dodge Ram This – A full half-ton truck with a factory installed pneumatic guinness prod mounted on the front bumper. The horn is tuned to sound like a CORNET. Poor market research grossly overestimated the demand for this worst-selling model ever introduced by Dodge. Only one production unit was ever made and sold. I bought it. I pulled the damn horn out and replaced it with one that sounded like a CORONET. And, now I looking to try out the pneumatic Guinness prod.
Toyota gRandAllElectric – A really big battery with four wheels. Sparse engineering requirements to keep the price down necessitated using the positive battery terminal as the driver’s seat. Momentum generated in every left turn caused the test drivers to instinctively brace their right foot against the negative battery terminal …and it was a REALLY big battery. The remains of three fried drivers had to be pried off the battery before this prototype was scratched. However, the work on this failed model was the inspiration for Toyota’s more successful hybrid technology. In honor of those who so nobly gave their lives to further environmentally friendly concepts the current model carries the name – Toyota Prius.
GM Nummer – Carrying on the tradition started with the Jeep and the Humvee, General Motors introduced the latest mass-market battlefield crossover – The Nummer. The Nummer is, quite simply, a very fast tank capable of sustaining freeway speeds and comes equipped with a rotating turret that houses a standard NATO smoothbore 120mm tank cannon. GM sought to expand the SUV category with this Suburban Assault Vehicle (SAV). But, the model was never introduced when the first road test ended prematurely because the unit could not reach the nearest gas station on a full tank of gas. Efforts to expand the fuel capacity led to additional discoveries that most of the Nummer’s staggering array of innovative design features never quite lived up to their promise. Numbsain?
Lamborghini Cheesafastacarra – Dissa bebe isa notta yew poppa’s olsmobilay. Cheesa wanna fasta bahzstarda! Nona demme raddara goonza canna …fzzzt… cawtcha de Cheesa!! Yew gedda demme speeda tick? Oui peh forra yew …no chacha. Badda oui dew godda jesta wanna leeeeeeedle problema. Cheesa too fasta. Yew driva da Cheesa? Yew godda stenda dodici Gs. Dassa wanna, due, tre, forra, fya, sixa, …nyna, leven, dodici! Dassa bigge boncha Gs. Yew gawna blackoudda. Crawsha di carra. So, uarra yew gohna dew, eh? Crawsha alla di Cheesa onna firsta testa ronna. No mekka no morra. Isa rilla too badda. Nyza carra.
Backed by intensive market research that revealed their products were overwhelmingly appealing to women car buyers, European automaker, Volvo, announced plans today to rename the company, Vulva. The first model to be introduced under the new Vulva brand will be the StaceyB. A compelling balance of power, performance and dazzling features, the StaceyB will introduce Vulva’s cutting edge advance in onboard GPS technology. Special sensors designed and engineered by Vulva can detect the sex of any driver. And, a male driver who ignores the GPS directions will be warned once. A second violation of GPS directions by male drivers will result in an instantaneous hemicorpectomy.
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Pontiac Safari-SoGoodi Station Wagon – Became accepted as the poster child for auto industry strategy of planned obsolescence. First and only car ever to officially recommend affixing a statue of St. Chistopher to the dashboard.
Chyrsler Wrench-in-the-Works – Based on the wild and unexpected success of their sister company’s AMC Gremlin, Chrysler thought naming their products after euphemisms for mechanical problems would be the key to turning their fortunes around. Yes, well, …uh…it was Lee’s son-in-law who came up with the idea.
Ford Model R-R-R-R – Only car Henry Ford ever painted in a color other than black. Well, it was black. But, it also had a big “skull and crossbones” decorating the hood. Ford’s plans for marketing these cars to pirates fell far short of projections.
Oldsmobile Cutmore – More or less a Cutlass, only more so …with less success.
Dodge Dynasty – Short-lived model whose death reflected its name after being caught in an unholy tryst with its clone, the Chrysler New Yorker. Following a prolonged Congressional investigation, the New Yorker was absolved of all culpability after it was determined the sordid affair was not consensual and the Dynasty was officially charged with incest. Sentenced to death by lethal compression in one of those big smasher contraptions in Manny’s Towyard, every Dynasty that could be found and rounded up now fits in a shoe box kept in the archives of the Smithsonian Institute as a somber reminder of autoflops gone really bad. Despite the FBIs best efforts, a few rogue Dynasty’s remain on the loose and keep alive haunting memories all New Yorker ‘s everywhere would just as soon forget.
Ford Pinata – Ford’s first attempt at airbag technology, the Pinata would fill the passenger compartment with candy on impact. Every model was recalled when children learned they could whack a strategic spot on the front bumper with a stick to activate the safety system then use the stick to break the windows and run off with pillow cases full of M&Ms, taffy, Gummi Bears, Circus Peanuts, Jujubes, Dots, Hot Tamales, Jelly Belly’s, Peeps…
Ford Pisces – Success of the Taurus emboldened Ford to pursue a marketing strategy based on signs of the zodiac. The plan was quickly abandoned when the Pisces turned out to be a pisces of crap.
Chevy Manatee – Trying to cash in on the cachet of their Stringray with another aquatic model, the Manatee, Chevy clearly missed the boat using the sea cow as inspiration for a sports car.
2007-09-04 04:28:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Lincoln Masturbator. An off version of the Navigator produced to appeal to the Porn industry. They mounted a screen in the steering wheel for those long drives, but later ceased production because they found that driving safely is a concern for some reason.
The Ford She-male Fiesta. This car was only in production for a short time due to the confusion at the Car shop. The mechanics kept getting confused when trying to replace the trans-mission. They would order an automatic transmission later to find out the car was actually a stick shift.
The Chrysler Crap-Fire. This car was produced for non stop traveling equipped with a toilet in the driver seat. They ceased production because of dangers while in the wiping process.
The Chevrolet Smoker. This car was designed for the Smoker in mind. The owners were tricked into believing this car would be the ideal car to smoke in due to the addition of the Cigarette lighter. The owners were had when the only thing smoking on the car was the exhaust due to the failing motor and burning of oil and water.
The Chevrolet Z-69. This truck wasn’t actually a model made by the factory. This model was made when idiots thought it would be funny to change the 71 to a 69. When in all actuality the truck never produced the ladies like the idiots thought adding 69 would.
The Ford V8 Fusion. This car was produced to appeal to the health freaks. It was equipped with a straw emitting from the steering wheel to give the driver an endless supply of V8. They stopped production when 358 drivers were found to have a straw pierced all the way through their brain after a collision.
The Mercedes T-Class. Also known as the trickster! This car was made for rich people to drive around. The drivers thought that they never had to fill up because the gas gauge was permanently set on full. So when you get your body guard to drive it for you, it will run out of gas and LA’s finest will stop catching murders to push you to a gas station. Production stopped when the rich people’s lawyers finally figured out the “Trick”.
And last of all, the Invisible G35. Made by Infinity, these cars weren’t invisible as the name suggests. Drug dealers bought this car in dreaming to never be caught, but later, only to be disappointed by the fact that minorities driving a nice car is another reason police pull them over.
Numbsain I salute you! And everyone else that answered the dinoflop question, I salute you too. You guys rock and I can’t wait to answer more questions. Your answering abilities are beyond me!
2007-09-04 02:37:42 · answer #2 · answered by Randall 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The Pontiac Grand Prick- Named after the driver rather than any other mascot or identifier, this vehicle name was created to continue pontiac's attempts at creating that certain driver "Attitude". It failed after the test car cut off the wrong person and was subsequently destroyed in a road rage incident.
The Chevy Trenton- Chevy marketers were looking for names for their new midsized vehicle several years ago and encouraged their employees to help them. Two employees picked their favorite vacation spots as names and though it was a toughie, the marketing department went with Malibu. That famed New Jersey city may one day adorn a new chevy SUV however.....
The Ford Fairlane- Once driven by Andrew Dice Clay, this model was discontinued.....because it was driven by Andrew Dice Clay
The Mitsubishi Hackamotofeckerup- The car of serial killers.....
The 3/8 Lotus- Still the only car manufacturer that uses fractions in their models, the 3/8 was discontinued because it couldn't be evenly divided by the Lotus 9/13 or the Lotus 1/9. However the sine of the function of the logarythym of the back seat's diameter was really cool.
The Nissan Pork and Beans- Named after the tin can it resembles....
The Kia Sephia Oh Gia I gotta pia- Mama Mia! The first attempt for Korean car manufactures to market in the English language didn't go so well....alas.....but that was BEFORE they hired Lee Iacoca to translate for them.
The Yugo.........'nuff said
2007-09-04 04:19:51 · answer #3 · answered by Cheese 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dodge Insipid they knew it easy to convince people to buy stupid cars but this was going too far.
Ford Humiliator-Your a middle-aged man, balding, overweight, not particularly attractive. You have a small penis (Oh, shut up your still reading this aren't you?) You need a vehical that commands respect. A vehicle that more than compensates for... you know. A vehicle that says...
SQUAT! its bigger and costs more than anything else on the road. If that is a problem for your budget, we're offering...
SQUAT! Get the hell out of here so we can talk to a real man. A man who sees what he wants and doesn't snivel about the price. Because he cares about things like safety, comfort, styling and monkeys flying out of his butt.
SCREW SAFETY! The kids are never setting foot in it.
SCREW COMFORT! The wife can walk. As for styling...
STYLE THIS YOU FREAKING FAIRY!
The Ford Humiliator has no rear view mirrors and no turn signals. Screw 'em! They'll stay out of your way or be killed.
The Ford Humiliator's 1089 horsepower V24 engine go from zero to crushing three BMWs in 4.5 seconds.
The Humiliator makes the hummer look like a freakin' tricycle.
That's why a man of your stature needs the Ford Humiliator. After all, your penis couldn't command sqat.
2007-09-04 23:32:12 · answer #4 · answered by stacey b 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The Lamburgini Kuntstash – The mascot looked way too much like Hitler with a mouth like this - ()
The Ferrari Testicle To Closa - Guys thought it was a great chic magnet but girls found that it ran out of gas in the woods too much, and the they were quite crowded by the driver.
Jeep Cha Fairy’ be – Great seller in Frisco and on Cape Cod, but really it was a straight failure.
VW Spud - Wildley popular in Idaho, but truth be told, it was a half baked idea.
Chevrolet Hoarvette - Wives just wouldn't let thier husbands drive it.
2007-09-05 15:44:26 · answer #5 · answered by whitiepossum 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, first we have our real names:
Dodge Diplomat, when stopped at a 4-way, kept letting the other cars go ahead, resulting in chronic driver lateness.
Dodge Ram; banned from road for constantly rear-ending other vehicles.
Dodge Coronet; always confused with Dodge Cornet, never quite made it.
Chevrolet Celebrity; constantly being swarmed by fans, resulting in driver's chronic lateness.
Ford Aspire; our hopes were dash boarded on that one.
Volkswagon Thing; supposed to drive that thing?
Volvo C30, see thirty "volvo" or lucky if you hit 30 mph? No one really wanted to find out.
Chevrolet Avalanche; wouldn't want to be in one, would you?
Ford Focus....kept scattering parts and turning in opposite direction of steering wheel.
Le Car - what le fu*k?
Ok, now I'll actually follow your directions.
CARS THAT FAILED TO LAST BEYOND TEST MODEL
The BM; moved like bowels, they decided to add a dubya and enzymes to smoothen out the ride.
Chevy Impaleya; perfo-rated very low by consumers, car didn't "run through" tests very well, the spearing wheel and drive shaft just too much for the average driver.
Dodge Fart; sputtered more than roared, its catalytic converter was known to really stink up the road.
Porsche Monkey; protested by politically correct activists, its production was shut down right after its prototype was shown to the public.
Chevy Capricious; car had a mind of its own, only started when it felt like it, occasionally the gas pedal acted as brake, the wishy washer wipers operated sporadically, and lubricous shaft leaked constantly.
Lincoln Clown Car; so many clowns could fit in the thing, that loading and unloading zones were tied up for hours, frickin bozo's.
Mercury Monterey Jack; whatever, just to dang cheezy. The sound of the engine was grating, the interior molding attracted fruit flies - all around just no gouda. [nothing meant Cheese]
Pontiac Lewomans; developed before women actually had buying power, credit cards, and husbands by the short'airs, name was quickly and quietly changed to Pontiac Lemans.
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Rage Rover - risk of incidence of road rage with drivers of the Mitubitchy Isuesyou led manufacturers to pull production.
2007-09-04 02:50:15 · answer #6 · answered by Guinness 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋