2007-09-03 21:24:32 · 25 answers · asked by cecilia m 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I changed mine - the new one is fine
2007-09-03 21:28:59 · answer #1 · answered by Debi 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋
A wife cannot change her husband. She can point things out to him to try to help him look at things differently - but that is his choice. Only Jesus can change a person and he will only do it if the person wants. A person must want to change, God gave all of us free will so it is up to us to decide. An abusive man can change if he wants to. He must first realize that he NEEDS to change, after that he must really WANT to change, then he must HATE the way he is, then he must SEEK out some help realizing that he can't do it alone. With God all things are possible. The change can come by therapy or by the hand of God, both can work.
2007-09-08 04:24:51 · answer #2 · answered by Ann M. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A man who abuses a woman is doing so to control her. He does it to ensure she loses confidence and that she becomes total dependant on him. Abuse is about power and control and that's it. He could change, but more often than not he doesn't believe he is doing anything wrong because he believe it is HIS right. While he bullies you, you do as you are told.. it works, he has you where he wants you and you do everything for him... his life is blissful so why (in his mind) should he change? It would be better for you to focus on you and changing your belief... Why should you put up with this abuse? No body has the right to treat another in this way.. you are worth more than this so concentrate on that. If you can, check out a very good website which will help you understand abusive men and also decent men and what you should be getting out of a relationship. Type, Freedom Programme into google (becareful though and go to history afterwards to delete if you think you are in danger) or to talk to someone who understands contact the National Domestic Abuse helpline. Good luck.
2007-09-04 14:52:11 · answer #3 · answered by kate 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hypothetically the husband could change. But statistics show that a very few ever do and that is only after very extensive counseling. A wife cannot change her husband. No one can change anyone else. It is an illusion that people create believing they can control others. An abusive husband tries to control his wife with fear, but if you try and control him with sweetness it won't work any better.
2007-09-04 04:33:52 · answer #4 · answered by mafiosu 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I dont believe that an abusive man can change. Surely even if he does stop being abusive it will always be there in the relationship and how could a woman ever truly trust a man who has abused her? Would she not always wonder when or if it was going to happen again??
If my man is anything to go by I dont think they are capable of being changed. Men are just too selfish! I gave up years ago and have learned to accept that we are two totally different people.
2007-09-04 06:51:59 · answer #5 · answered by scotts f 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
a wife cannot change her husband unless the husband wants to change himself...this is a common misconception...people think that they can change their partners once they are married....because if a person doesn't want to change...he may change for a few days but will always go back to the way he was before...changes should come from within...
you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship...no one deserves to be abused...you have the choice to leave him...you will find someone who will love you and treat you well...
2007-09-04 04:32:12 · answer #6 · answered by geisha 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I like Debi's answer, also geisha's. Change cannot ever come from without, it must come from within the person. You have to want to change. And anytime a husband hits his wife, that should be a deal breaker. It is bad for the children in the marriage too. They grow up thinking, this is the way you are supposed to treat women.
2007-09-04 08:24:23 · answer #7 · answered by Anne2 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly a woman/wife can not change the husband/partner he has to recognise he has a problem and want to change.for himself......Usually this is fuelled by alcohol or if a misogynist then by personality....Both need counselling to identify why the partner abuses and for why the woman allows it......Women in this situation usually have low self esteem due to the verbal abuse and as women do ultimately lay the blame on them selves.....The male is usually fuelled by jealousy and unreasonable behaviour....this can happen with women as well though.......If the partner is willing to work through these issues then this can be addressed if a misogynist then my advice is get out NOW this quickly escalates to a very dangerous situation......
Comment from above ....Some women stay for the children's sake and this leads to all sorts of issues......If children involved then it is even more important to resolve as you need to think about the messages given to daughters and sons about acceptable behaviour...........Usually the woman stays allows the abuse to continue and then ends up with an alcohol problem. Children have had enough by 16 and they get out and carry the emotional scars of their mothers abuse...
2007-09-04 04:39:30 · answer #8 · answered by valf 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am not going to comment on whether an abuser can change or not; I've seen it go both ways. But I do know for sure, YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM! YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOU! Change your attitude about what you want and don't want. Figure out what you want out of life. Make a list of what you don't like about you. When we think we can change someone else, we don't like what we see in ourselves, so we try to take control by trying to change someone else. Even if you have a good reason to want to change him, YOU CAN'T! and shouldn't even if you could. His life is his responsibility, not yours. YOUR LIFE is the only one you have to answer to God for. Now if kids are involved, that is a little different.
2007-09-04 04:37:14 · answer #9 · answered by Ikeg 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You cant change him. If he seems changed, it is only because he has not had enough pressure to trigger the abuse. It is easy to control yourself if everything is going your way. But when the heat is on, that is the test. Maybe 1 in 1000 could change but these odds are not worth getting your head cracked, trying to beat.
2007-09-04 04:35:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
A woman shouldn't have to change a man.
As for the abuse part of the question, I would have to say that it is possible to stop violent behavior with an abuser that is willing to change. Counseling would defiantly be necessary. Support groups would help. And just know that it's a long process.
Stay safe!
2007-09-04 04:30:43 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋