Should I help my wife pay her tuition/bills when she blows her money?

Question

My wife needs $1500 so she can go back to school plus she needs a new laptop. I just found out that I have $3k coming to me and within 20 minutes of my wife finding out that I had some money coming, she asked if I could pay her tuition and buy her a computer. At first I didn't mind, but I just found out that she has been blowing her money in a forex trading account. So far, she has lost about $1k or so (that I know of). I asked her if she was trading in forex and at first she lied about it. Im really starting to feel like she is taking advantage of me. I already pay her car payment, which is $700, when she blows her money and can't make the payment. Ive asked her to let me handle the finances, but she just gets mad and indignent. Im considering telling her that she needs to bail herself out bc if she really wanted to go back to school, she would have set up monthly payments on her tuition and used the money she lost in forex to buy a computer. Would it be wrong of me to tell her that?

Ok, 3 key points...
1. My wife and used to have a joint checking account and I tried to sit down with her and do the "together couple thing" but it didn't work out. I opened my own checking account bc there were MANY times when I didn't spend ANY of my paycheck bc she had spent it. My wife has 4 Prada purses, so that should tell you something.
2. My wife already has a degree. She's working on an MBA
3. My wife has a base salary of $150k. She makes 2x what I make per year; that's why I drive a car that is paid for and a piece of junk and she drives a 7 series BMW.

I just used the forex account as an example bc that was the latest thing. Before that there was the shopping sprees in NY and Chicago.

You guys sound like you feel sorry for her, but trust me..she is doing better than all of you!! I just feel like she would have money for tuition if she would stop shopping and make her MBA a priority.

Answer 1

Hi

Going to college is a privilege, and If her education meant that much to her, she would not waste her money. Instead, she would spend it on her tuition. I think she is just using you. Make her pay for her laptop and tuition. Just because you are married to her, it does not give her the right to use you like this. If you don't tell her how you feel about this, it will continue to bother you. Tell her that she should contribute to paying for her tuition. You are married, and you should at least pay the tuition and car payment together by splitting the cost between the two of you.

Answer 2

I hate it when couples do the whole 'what's yours is yours and what's mine is mine' thing. God! It's so annoying. YES, you should pay her tuition, and YES you should buy her a laptop, and NO, she should not be using a forex trading account if she's not yet finished school. Don't ask her to let you do the finances; tell her you want to work on them together, as a couple should be doing. Make a budget, and decide what money needs to go where, and when, and what portion of it can be an allowance for both of you. And then, start investing a little, TOGETHER.

Answer 3

Your wife has no sense of humour at all does she luv? Oh hang on. She got herself a perm and it's 2010 so she must have a small amount still in there somewhere....... Why don't you call up her sister and have her perm your body hair? Then when she sees how ridiculous you look, she might get the message. I would also be reminding her that you could have lied and said you liked her new perm. But being the kind and considerate husband that you obviously are, you told the truth and are now being crucified for it. And as for her jibes at your physique, does she need reminding who it was that knocked her up 6 times? I think not. Now, let's deal with what I see as being the REAL problem here.Where does this woman get off throwing beer??? If it didn't mean me getting off the lounge, I'd be on my way over to yours to teach her what happens to people who waste perfectly good ale. As the man of the house you have to make a stand against this toad. I just can't stand the thought of more innocent beer being subjected to her domestic abuse. **starts biting nails**

Answer 4

And this is why my partner, who I'm not even married to, and I share our money as equals because then every dollar he makes I know about it and every dollar he spends, we discuss! Jeez, come to some sort of agreement and give yourselves an allowance (this is more for her than for you, but she doesn't need to know that!)

Yes, you should pay her tuition after you came to an agreement either as a loan if you two still won't share money or as part of the agreement, she'll be making more money once she finishes school anyways!

Answer 5

Are you serious yes it would be wrong first off I'm pretty sure she doesn't make as much as you. Tell her the only way you will help her is for you to take over the finances if not then she is on her own as far as paying her own tuition and buying her own computer.

Answer 6

She needs to learn discipline with her spending.

The two of you should seek budget help from a financial planner. Money is the number one fight in marriage.

Both partners need to be responsible for paying the bills and for setting up the budget!

Answer 7

Give her $750 (a half) for the school and no laptop (she can do school without a laptop like I do). If a marriage is about sharing, let her share her half of the tuition.

Answer 8

No, I dont think it would be wrong to tell her that. You need to set some boundaries here, otherwise money will get in between you, and gnaw away at your relationship.

The resentment you feel now will probably continue to grow, unless you have a good long chat about it.