How do I learn to "be myself" when I have been hiding behind a "cool guy" persona for 6 years?

Question

I have become so good at pretending that I'm this "cool" person that I have completely lost touch with my real self. When I moved to an entirely new school after 5th grade, I was friendly, talkative, care-free and even rambunctious. I was good old me. I was aware of the fact that a lot of people might not like me the way I was, but I didnt care. One day in 8th grade, a "cool" kid told me that I was kinda cool, but that I should comb my hair a different way. I tried it and the next day I was given so many compliments. I started wondering what else I could change about myself to make people even more nice to me. It took me years of trial and error to determine "cool" and now I think I got it down to a science..... so whats the problem? I KNOW IM NOT THIS PERSON AND I WILL NEVER EXPERIENCE LOVE UNTIL I ACCEPT MYSELF FOR THE GOOFY FUN AND SOMETIMES ANNOYING PERSON THAT I AM. I just want to be happy and no matter how hard I try, I cant just "be myself." I have simply whittled myself away.

Answer 1

Maybe you are, and you just have more than one side to your personality. If you are so uncomfortable with the persona you have in front of others, be your "real" self, but I don't think you will, because you fear that you won't be a popular otherwise. It is your choice to be who you want, as opposed to what other people want.

Answer 2

This is really a very interesting question. I am 54 years old and I am still not sure who I am. Sometimes, when I am with a new friend and I am interacting, I say to myself, is that how you are and who you are?

I am not sure that this cool person is not you. I think this cool person is a part of you and so is the other "uncool" part also you. There may be many other parts of your personality to be discovered and identities to uncover. If you can, just accept everything as part of you because in reality, I think this could be the truth about you. One thing for sure is that you are an interesting person with many journeys and discoveries ahead of you. Remember life is an adventure.


Here are the lyrics to THE ONE AND ONLY
by CHESNEY HAWKES

I am the one and only, oh yeah

Call me, call me by my name or call me by number
You put me through it
I'll still be doing it the way I do it
And yet, you try to make me forget
Who I really am, don't tell me I know best
I'm not the same as all the rest

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I've been a player in the crowd scene
A flicker on the big screen
My soul embraces one more in a million faces
High hopes and aspirations, and years above my station
Maybe but all this time I've tried to walk with dignity and pride

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I can't wear this uniform without some compromises
Because you'll find out that we come
In different shapes and sizes
No one can be myself like I can
For this job I'm the best man
And while this may be true
You are the one and only you

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

I am the one and only
Nobody I'd rather be
I am the one and only
You can't take that away from me

Answer 3

Indeed, a dilema.

One shared by many people of all ages for different reasons. How to discover the line between doing what you percieve as popular to be popular and actually expressing WHO YOU ARE. Not an easy task.

First of all, sit down with a pen and paper and make a list.
Identify all the things about YOU right now Mr Cool and Mr Rambunctious.

Then decide which ones you want to keep and which ones you want to ditch.

Now sit and think about any things you would like to ADD as NEW items to your personality. Make a list of them.

It takes a great deal of energy to be acting all the time. We are all different for a reason. You are the only YOU on the planet, make the most of that.

Good luck with the NEW YOU.
Have fun, be goofy, be YOU.

Answer 4

It is normal for young people to search for themselves. It is part of becoming an adult. You are right about not experiencing love until you find yourself. How can you love someone when you don't even know who you are? Don't worry about finding love, just worry about finding you first. Maybe happiness will come when you accept that you are the real you. That goofy, fun, and sometimes annoying person is gone. You have grown beyond that. Maybe you feel the way you feel because you are having a hard time accepting that.

Answer 5

Wow, you are cool.
You are an interesting caring kind and good person
I think after bagging cool for so long it has actually rubbed off on you.
You may not feel that this is you at this time,
so just take it slowly and start as you mean to go on.
Getting back a little of you every day would be a start.

Understand your positives and learn about yourself through your negatives.

Just try to be more relaxed, and enjoy yourself with people, you would find the old you is cool too.

The best to you and your quest, an honourable one.

Answer 6

A big aspect of "cool", that people are attracted to, is when they sense a person who is happy and confident with who they are and what they think about things.
Within reason, of course, it's when one doesn't really have any concern about what others think. When one "does his own thing". This is one reason pop stars can start a new look. Their confidence gives them liscense to create something different that is picked up on by their admiring public; ie, bandana over the head; one glove; weird hair; boots; bare mid-drift; all black; ad infinitum.
An experience: When I was a senior in high school I thought I would be cute and carry a Popeye lunch pail to school. To my surprise, I started a little fad when within a week, a lot of kids were bringing kiddie pals to school!

Answer 7

You've gotta look back at the things you we're most happy doing and whatever currently makes you happy. These things are the key to "you" once you've figured this out find others with similar interests and views. When you're around your actual peers you'll start to see the real you. Remember to make your own decisions and to stay independent, but be respectful and open. Now go forth and walk YOUR path!

Answer 8

Awe. I love goofy and fun guys. <3
Simply do what you use to do. Have your hair how it use to be, try hanging out with some of the other kids besides the "Cool" group and see if your natural self comes back.
Does that help, Lovely?

Answer 9

A great deal of what people see is you. You are now more interested in going deeper. I like the list idea, though I don't make lists, myself. So, stop doing one thing that no longer fits who you want to be and replace that with a new thing you want to try. It will take some time, but you have time.
"Be true to yourself." I can't say it any better. C. :)!!

Answer 10

Back then, this kind of thought drives me crazy.
Until one time, I realize.. what if the real me is the person who can grab other people's good side, and use it to mine?
So, that's the real me.

Do not worry, at your age people are used to search for the identity. Believe it or not, the person that you think is cool and advise you to be cool, he is also looking for identity.

Kind regard,
Ron

Answer 11

Try making a list of who you really are inside. Make a list of the things you like about yourself, and the things you don't like. In other words take an inventory of yourself. Continue to be the those things you like about yourself, and begin to change that which you do not like. You can become whoever you want you to be, within your own boundaries.
may peace be with you