Putting all your eggs in ONE basket: women, the hausfrau, rumination and depression. I knew - did YOU?

Question

"… women who build their identity soley around family are rumination-prone" because they've got all of their self-esteem and social support in one basket… helping them to develop multiple sources of gratification and social support can be helpful buffers against stressful events in any one of those domains."

‘rumination’ definition:
Negative cyclic thinking, persistent and recurrent worrying or brooding which usually leads to stubborn, serious major depressive disorder (MDD).

‘Probing the depression-rumination cycle’
http://www.apa.org/monitor/nov05/cycle.html

Many - if not most - SAHM's end up climbing the walls. Often, this leads to depression. The happiest women do some measure of paid work outside the home. Tell me again why this 'path' is so wonderful?

I remember a time when an entire generation of SAHM's became addicted to Valium - this was the 'solution' to their distress. Unfortunately though, the solution...became another huge problem instead.

Answer 1

I thought I knew, but now I really know.

Answer 2

Yes, I know from two generations of direct experience. My mother was on Librium throughout most of the 60s. I still remember vividly, the day the ambulance came and took her to the hospital after her suicide attempt. I was 8 years old. To be fair, however, you must know that she also has bipolar disporder, and the combination of her organic mental illness and her life circumstances of being a SAHM in the 60s and 70s were jointly responsible for this episode.

As for myself, I choose to remain solution focused. I ran a home-based (direct sales) business for 9 years, and even though I didn't make significant income, it gave me some intellectual challenges, developed some valuable business skills and provided "play money."
Since I closed the business, I have been more active in my children's extracurricular activites - I'm a band mom - working to raise money to fund the marching band, feeding the kids and helping out at their events.

Pursuing outside interests is vital to a SAHM's well-being. This is why fathers need to be involved in parenting... Mom needs to go to the gym, or take an art class, or just have a girls night out once in a while. These activites "recharge her batteries" so that she can be more effective in her role just as the working spouse needs to take vacation time in order to be more effective at work.

It IS possible to be a SAHM and NOT put all the eggs in one basket...in fact, it is in everyone's best interests that she create a balance of personal and family activities.

Answer 3

Yes, being truthful, while I love my family, I am always worrying & brooding about that I'm just not doing enough in my life, that there's more to life than being a SAHM.
Have got MDD and it only became serious after I became a mum, but I'm doing the best I can. Was so much happier with outside interests as well. Why are mums made to feel wrong for feeling this way in society so much that it has to be swept under the carpet?
Thanks for the link.

Answer 4

Well, if you consider who sets societal standards - such as SAHMs, and you consider who the doctors were when Prince Valium became the 'answer,' you'll notice a pattern - and that pattern is that women have traditionally been trying to live in a world created by, and for, men.

Gee, now why would THAT be a problem... Think for a moment of a world designed by - and for - women. Do you suppose that might have a negative impact on males...?

Answer 5

There was a time when books and magazine told women how to be a good wife and if a woman wanted to find her happiness any further than her Maytag wringer-washing machine, that she was a bad mother and wife. That was a lie many women just couldn't swallow. The moment women stopped allowing a patriarchal world to define who and what they were, the whole world started running scared and trying to redefine the world of women for them. Big mistake. Women can and will define their world as they see fit, so stop trying to push women into a neat little pigeon hole and let them decide for themselves, what they want to do and where they want to go. All of the redefining in the world will not make things work the way they use to or the way others would like. It is up to women to make and define their own happiness and the rest of the world will fall into place. I'll guarantee you.

Answer 6

When an individual - man or woman - becomes focussed on only one aspect of their life...unhappiness will follow and emotional/mental health will be jeopardized. For the SAHMs, the concern has been regarding depression and a feeling of little self-worth. For the career woman who attempts to have and do it all, there is the issue of severe stress.

Answer 7

I didn't realize this was a new revelation. No one person (or situation) can provide all of one's emotional fulfillment. It's not like it's a phenomenon exclusive of SAHMs. It also affects those who put all their emotional eggs into their jobs, workaholics if you will. What about those who look to their significant other to be their lover, best friend, confidante, everything, and never spend time with others in any meaningful way? They're all prone to feel the "sky falling" if this one arena of their attention takes a hit.

Answer 8

I can't speak to the mindset of SAHM's, but I do like Patois' observation that all women die feminists. I never realized it, but that coincides exactly with what I have heard from elderly women when I talk to them. Absolutely every single one has said she wishes feminism were around when she was growing up.

Answer 9

i think of your a sweetheart of a solid deal! I stay non secular and go away the religion to the persons who prefer to argue over who's solid, i comprehend i'm suited so as this is ultimate for me. talking of eggs, I made fowl salad with stressful boiled eggs and it become scrumptious yet I felt slightly weird and wonderful ingesting the fowl coming and going.

Answer 10

That's because social conservatives want women to be exactly alike and they think that only one lifestyle choice should fit them all. It's a way of pushing them off into their own little corner so they aren't really participating in society or public life.

Answer 11

my mother is a sahm and former haravard proffeser who is perfectly balanced. to be happy as a sahm you just need intelegent friends and a life apart from your family, a way to express yourself. also having an intelligent partener you cant talk to makes a world of difference.