child. He at first lied to me about this, though later told me. He seems to be too involved with his ex......they talk on the phone, he welcomes her into his house when dropping off the child, etc. There action seem to not be appropriate for a divorced couple. They called it quite because they couldnt get along and were too different. She is not suing him for custody, etc. You would think that this would upset him though it doesnt? I recently found out that people are still email him and his exwife messages. I think there relationship is too enmeshed. Am I over reacting or is it completely normal for divorced people to still be freinds and hang out with eachothers family and know everything about eachothers life? For example, when his ex was promoted at work, he was the first to know. I can understand that they need to talk and be cordial for the childs sake though do they need to know everything about eachother?
2007-09-03 17:46:07 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Although some divorced people can't stand each other, not all of them are that way. Many are able to maintain civil...even borderline friendly...relationships for the sake of their children.
What you describe isn't all that unusual, and its certainly in the best interest of their child for them to get along as well as possible.
Its okay if you don't want to be a part of that situation - some potential boyfriends/girlfriends just wouldn't be comfortable with it. In that case, you may want to focus more on dating people who aren't divorced with children. However, just because its something that you aren't comfortable living with doesn't mean that they are wrong and/or unnatural either.
2007-09-03 17:54:14 · answer #1 · answered by sarah314 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've kinda been here. It's normal to a point for a couple to remain in contact after a divorce when a child is involved, but sometimes they can be too involved.
This man started the relationship off with a lie. That right there is not a good sign. But setting that aside for a moment, the fact that YOU are not comfortable with his relationship with his ex is the big concern. This relationship is not going to change. His and his ex are going to be tied together for life because of their child. There is nothing you can do about that. If you are having problems with it now it is only going to get worse.
All in all, I do not see a good future for you with this man. You need to find someone who does not have ties to the past like this. He's not ready to move on and you're not ready to accept a man with ties.
2007-09-04 00:57:16 · answer #2 · answered by JD 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know quite a few ex couples like this. They couldn't live together as a couple, but they became great friends apart. The thing that you need to ask yourself is if YOU can handle that situation. Many people can't. Many people get very jealous if their guy/girl still has a lot of contact with their exes, but then there are many that are completely fine with it. You may want to tell him that you need to know that you are the number one priority in his life. If he can give that to you and you don't think he is being anything than friends with his ex, then I don't see that this should be a big issue (in my opinion). So many times people are used to ex couples being bitter and fighting that it seems odd when they get along. But, if you really love the guy then look at it as him still being a caring person even after he split up with an ex. That says a lot about his character. At least he isn't going around badmouthing his child's mother like many exes do.
2007-09-04 00:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by Leigh 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When you have to ask when, then it's time to let go. It sounds like he's started out the relationship with a MAJOR lie, and that is a horrible way to start out any relationship. Also if he isn't treating you the way you deserve to be treated than he doesn't know your worth.
I learned the hard way that you can never change a person all you can do is love them for who they are. If you really think this is a person you can love the way that he is then stick with it. If not. Walk, no run, away now.
2007-09-04 00:51:47 · answer #4 · answered by aquamarie213 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i guess the reason for this is because they divorced amicably without the drama and the anger...that's why they remain close friends...another thing to consider is that they share the custody of their child...and have agreed to raise the child together...
do you really love your bf? if so...consider this...if your bf hasnt given you any reason to doubt him...then don't trust him...being paranoid all the time will burden your relationship and later on may cause fights...if you want reassurance...then talk to him...tell him how you feel...im sure he will tell you that he loves you and sees his ex as just a friend...if somehow you catch him doing what he's not supposed to...then that is the time to end things with him...but in the meantime...give him the benefit of the doubt...
2007-09-04 00:54:06 · answer #5 · answered by geisha 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some divorced couples get along better when not married. However, you answered your own question and is looking for approval, support, or allies. The answer is move on. Because you asked 'when is enough is enough', you gave yourself the answer. You just need to finalize it so you can have your own life and stay out of their drama.
2007-09-04 00:54:00 · answer #6 · answered by Carole Q 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is a little too much, if you ask me but everybody is different. But you have to try not to make a big deal out of it because if you do you may lose him. Be as quiet about it as you can stand to be so he won't get ticked at you.
2007-09-04 02:13:22 · answer #7 · answered by thepeacelover01 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
from my experience if they both called it quit's then yes they could be friends, there are allot of people who split that stay friends, some are best friends it just depends on the circumstances, in my case i talk to my ex but we are no where near friends we have a child.
2007-09-04 00:55:08 · answer #8 · answered by Bj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it normal to feel this way, but it good that he and his ex are
still friends, but if you feel that this is a problem for you then
let him know how you feel about this. he has a child with her
so she is there for life for the chid sake. but talk to him about
this, other wise this will eventally cause more problem in
your realtionship.but it really about trust, you have it or you
dont. it really that simple.
2007-09-04 01:00:02 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very common for two people that love their children and want to try to get along for the children's sake. I get along very well with my ex. That is not to say that I ever want to be with him again, nor him with me.
2007-09-04 00:53:15 · answer #10 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋