Does My Dad Love Me?

Question

hi,mmmm im not sure if my dad loves me...he doesn't come and visit,and you hear other fathers trying to visit their kids but the kids don't even even care.my dad and me (his son) have so much in common you can't imagine.I try to go to his house but he just comes up with some lame excuse,or else he just gets drunk...which i don't do.I try to tell him how i feel but he says hes always busy...(watching t.v).I would just like to spend some good quality time with him,but he just plays with his other family.Theres so much to say. and he keeps making me depressed and i dont even know what to think now

Answer 1

No one else but your father can answer this question.

BUT - please recognize that if he's dealing with issues related to alcohol, he may not have the capacity to understand how much he's hurting you. In addition, if he's paying way more attention to his "new" family as opposed to you or his other children, then he is having issues with denial.

It sounds as if your father has not really ever grown up. It sounds like he's dealing with so many of his own issues that he can't even spend some time helping you with yours.

Unfortunately, this does happen sometimes. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT......

Just in case you missed that last piece - IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. His issues are HIS ISSUES and he must deal with them. YOU are NOT his issue.

Keep your head high and your shoulders back. You may not have the support of your father because of his own issues, but that doesn't mean you can't pursue your own dreams.

Answer 2

Given the fact that your dad gets drunk and avoids contact with you, I very much suspect that he has significant problems in his life. One of those problems may be that you are his son and he has another family. Maybe his wife gives him a problem about spending time with you. Some second wives expect the children from a previous relationship to be ignored. That is certainly not fair. You do deserve a dad. But, having said that, your dad doesn't seem to deserve you! I don't know if your dad loves you. It may be that he thinks he does love you, but he is unable to function well enough to show it appropriately. Just because people have kids doesn't mean they know how to take care of them. If your dad isn't up to the job of loving you, please remember this in the future and make sure that you are a great father to your kids.

Answer 3

Oh, sweetie, I am so sorry your dad is wasting his chance at fatherhood. I am sure he loves you in his own way, but some men just do not know how to be fathers. You need to keep trying. You need to tell him just how important he is to you.

Is there someone you trust to whom you can talk? Maybe a clergyman or a school counselor? Someone who can have a heart-to-heart with your dad.

Sometimes people become so wrapped up in themselves that they just don't see the damage they are doing to other people. The other thing is that if your dad is getting drunk, chances are he's an alcoholic and he needs help.

Why don't you contact Al-anon? They have an organization for teens. They can help you and give you some guidance. Their website address is: http://www.al-anon.org/alateen.html. Contact them and tell them exactly what you have said here.

Good luck, and hang in there. You and your dad will be in my prayers.

Answer 4

You can only be your true evil self in front of family. If you're a daughter, then you're Mum has seen the worst, if you're a son, then you're Dad has seen the worst. There are things you tell your parents that they can't share, and that is why Mums love sons and Dads love daughters. If Dads knew what Mums knew (and the other way round) the world would implode(explode) that is why. and that is why it always will be

Answer 5

I used to have this same type of relationship(or lack of) with my dad. At some point I came to the conclusion that it wasn't my fault, that there's nothing I could do to change him, and that I could only change myself. When I turned 18, I decided to confront him about his lack of being a good parent, and told him when he was ready to really be a father to call me. That was 11 years ago, and he never called...

Now that I have my own children, I have to say I understand my father even less. I've learned that some people aren't cut out to be parents, they're generally lousy people, and sadly you don't have to pass a test to be a parent. In the end, you need to do what's best for YOU, and always remember that it's nothing you've done to deserve this crappy treatment from your dad.

Answer 6

Hi there,
imagine this:-

imagine if you were in his shoe.You married to someone. the marrige didnt bring you to nowhere.But you have high hopes that the relationship last.In the end what he hopes for collapse.He tried new one, i think he face nearly the same*rear-ended*(that is what your dad condition).
Can you pls tell me how you feel.

To him he feel like the world in ending.But he didnt realised someone or surround him loved him and cared about him and feel his anger and pain.

normally fathers never show his love and care caused they dont want to show that they are weak.But they do care about you when you didnt realised it.It just fatherhood thing.

when came to his drunk and stuff. remember his pain, he might remember something that very painful for him.How bout this , you just go to your other family that your dad like to spend time with.Ask them about your dad.be closed to that other family.try to spend time with them.Be forgiven to your dad, give him a second chance cause he dont know what he was doing at times.Keep on loving him.You never know what you going to recieve. Better give him another chance to make him realised what he had missed.

Answer 7

Write him a letter telling him how much you love him, and would like to spend time with him. That way you have his attention long enough to express what you are feeling. Also, let him know that when he makes excuses not to see you, that you feel like he does not love you. You will be able to keep his attention without interruption. Tell him how depressed it makes you feel too!!

Answer 8

of course he did!! maybe he just dint want things to be more complicated or else his family dint want you to be there. try to invite him out and if he already decided to go,have a heart to heart talk with him and express all your feelings...tell him how you really love him and how you misses him. i think there are no fathers who can turn their back to their son. I still beleive that parents can’t afford to loose thier child no matter what happen.

Answer 9

well i dont think he doesnt love you, he just doesnt value you enough. just sit down and try to talk to him, tell him that it means a lot to you that he spends time with you, ask him to go out to eat or watch foot ball together or whatever... something you both like to do.

good luck buddy

Answer 10

I'm sure he loves you but other things are getting in the way. We never know the whole story and getting drunk sure doesn't help him see clearly.