I've been dating him for over 5 months now and I know about his ex, heck I've even seen her too. She was his first love and he mutilated himself after she cheated on him. After her, he really considered suicide. Its been a couple years since then and just when I think I can get over her something brings her up and I feel like I'll never measure up to her. She's pretty and they even thought of they're future together. He and I have been getting our future set as well. I hear so many things and I've seen his old love notes for her. I can't take it. I can't bring this up to him for he would think it was all his fault. I just don't want to be another one of his girlfriends. I truly love him. Please, help me get over or just forget about his previous-love.
2007-09-03 17:27:00 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Nikki you have been with him 5 months he obviously has to still get over her and be only yours. I had the same problem once.. but he will get over it. At first i felt the same way but 2 years later I havent heard her name or anything about her and its been almost a year. It takes a long time getting use to being without someone. The biggest thing you need to do is sit him down and talk to him, tell him you are not dating him to just fill her shoes and that you trully want to be with him and you want him to be yours :)
2007-09-03 17:34:39 · answer #1 · answered by Princess 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is talk to him. If you see that he can't talk about it without automatically thinking he was the bad guy then guess what... he's not over her or the relationship with her. How can you plan a future with him if he still has unhealthy ties to her?
I went thru this same problem with my guy and while he did not go so far as to mutilate himself, his ex sent me a copy of an email he sent her while we were together. When I asked him about it, he would not readily admit to having sent it. He argued and tried to pick a fight with me saying I was being controlling and posessive. No matter how much he argued, I would just keep asking him if he actually sent and meant the things in the email and FINALLY he told me he sent it, but it was because he was not sure about his feelings. So I told him he needed to take some time and figure out what his feelings were because it really wasn't fair of him to string me along while he could have been considering getting back with her. Today we are a pretty happy couple and I think it was because we talked about what was going on.
The whole point of what I just said is that you need to do what is right for you. I know you love him with all your heart, but if you honestly feel that his feelings for his ex will ultimately ruin the relationship you want with him, then just move on. You will definitely cry and be heart broken for awhile, but when all the clouds pass, you will be a much happier person.
GOOD LUCK!!!!!
2007-09-03 17:44:52 · answer #2 · answered by Mirry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, you need to believe that he is over it. Is he? You don't mention how old any of you are or how long they were together. But you do not want to plan a life with this man if you are always going to think you are living in her shadow. IT is a bit soon to be planning a future with him when you have only been dating five months, especially with this problem in the way. He was certainly not well balanced when they broke up. Is he emotionally stable now? Why does something keep bringing her up? Why have you seen his love notes for her? (She gave them back and he has kept them.) If he is not over her, you really need to give him time to get there before you make plans.
But if you can sort out all of that, remember that it doesn't matter so much who was his first love. It is who is his last love that matters.
2007-09-03 17:37:00 · answer #3 · answered by treebird 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you still have feelings for your ex? If you dont have feelings, dont worry/feel guilty too much! He's your ex boyfriend, you're bound to always think some things he does are sweet. Ive gotta say though....... If your boyfriend finds out I don't think he'll be happy! Maybe it would be best if you told him yourself, I think he'd understand more if you heard it from you and he might even be able to help if youre confused about it all! :) I hope it turns out okay!
2016-05-20 23:32:08 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
One thing I have learned is that you are probably in the lust stage. Until you get to the point of true love, you will never let his ex go. I used to be the same way with my boyfriend's ex girlfriend. It took me realizing that he def. loves me for me to realize that she was just like every other ex - a stepping stone that we learn from to make our next relationship stronger and better.
If I were you, I would be more concerned about the whole suicide thing... whats to say he wont try it again or use it as bait when you and him argue or break up (not saying you will)... ?? Ive been there and done that too and it's not fun. Needless to say, I got soo tired of the ridiculous threats of him slitting his wrists every time we fought that I walked away for good...
2007-09-03 17:50:11 · answer #5 · answered by madison5247 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i know its going to be hard but you always have to be true about your feeling with him if you really love him. you should go talk to him and really see if he loves you too or if he still has feelings for her. its possible he just wants reminders of a past love so he keeps the notes and stuff and needs more time to get over it. tell him it is not his fault bc no one can control their feelings. so if you guys really love each other then it should really work out. good luck and i hope i helped! =D
2007-09-03 17:33:46 · answer #6 · answered by carpe diem 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're the 'rebound' girl. If he hasn't let go of her, he's unable to hold onto to someone new. Let him get over her in his own time and tell him to call you when he's 'free.'
Just a thought, but he could be holding on to her memory just to keep you at arm's length. You want someone who puts YOU first and gives himself 100% to your relationship - you deserve nothing less.
He doesn't sound very stable - and that's not YOUR fault.
2007-09-03 17:36:57 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just be the best you can be. There is no reason to worry about other realtionships if you feel secure in yours with him. Just make him happy and everything will be okday. You are acting a bit insecure. Remember you are a great person too. He saw that in you or he would not be with you.
2007-09-03 17:32:42 · answer #8 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first of all, it normal to feel this way when you with someone that has an ex. but since he with you, try to understand that
he with you not her. unless he given a reason to doubt him
then stop worry avout what if, she his pass, but for now
just chill out it only been 5 months in the relationship. give
it some time. things will work it self out.
2007-09-03 17:39:14 · answer #9 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough deal. I hate to see you get hurt in all this. If your jealous of her,and he still has old love notes and such, maybe you should find someone who is a little more secure in his manhood.
2007-09-03 17:44:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋