Last year my ex husband and I split after 15 years. He was served with child support papers, and after they were modified, he lost his job (this was last october). He was far behind in support, put paid a good amount of it off a few months ago. He is now behind again, hasn't paid for 2 months, and claims he isnt working. He wont even give me an address to where he is staying. Is there anywhere I can go to get this from him or to find out where he is living? The support right now is through the state and they cant do much if they don't have proof of him working for anyone. He does stay in contact with me because of our children, but I get the feeling he is trying to "hide" so he can't be found. Any help and advice is great. Thanks!
2007-09-03 14:55:10 · 33 answers · asked by You can do it!! 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have been doing it on my own for the most part. Every time he calls, he blocks the number. I asked my son the last time he took my kids to get an address but he doesnt want to get in the middle, which I understand. Noone has an address for him. I went to the courts, even though the county. Because he doesnt have his own place, they have no records. I don't care about the money, but he wanted kids as well, there for he needs to help support them. As of this past week I told him he couldn't take my kids without providing me with an address. I have sole custody of both our children, and I want to know where my kids are going. If I could communicate with him on an adult level it would be fine, but he cant seem to do that. It was a rough the past 10 years, and I was stupid for sticking around so long.
2007-09-03 15:24:44 · update #1
I won't deny him visits for not paying, but he won't give me an address, and he doesnt have his own place. He is suppose to be staying at a "friends" house but who really knows? This is the reason I wont let him take my kids right now. I have asked him over and over for two months to give me an address. The final straw was when he didn't return my kids as planned. 24 hours later he brought them home. His visits are every other weekend, but over the summer I have given him a lot more time with them since they didn't have school.
2007-09-03 18:11:55 · update #2
Do what I did - raise your kids all on your own. You'll be proud that you did.
2007-09-03 15:02:09 · answer #1 · answered by mJc 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I have been through this! First off, don't deny him the visitation, but make the visits in a public place where you or someone you trust are nearby and can keep watch on them. If he cannot tell you where he is taking them then you have every right to protect them as best as you can. If he can't agree to that, take him back to court and make it official that he must have supervised visitation until he can provide a safe environment for your children. Don't get the kids in the middle. You just be the good mother you are!
As for the child support, don't ever count on it. Depending on what state you live in, there are different laws for dead beat dads. In California, they can get their driver's license suspended but there is really nothing else that can be done. They can follow them and try to fight it, but if they hide, you can't do anything about it. If it is another state, such as Missouri, there are laws that put a man in jail if they haven't paid what they are supposed to. Look into it and see what your options are.
As for my case, I have been fighting California child support for 10 years to get the money. He is now in debt about $60,000. It will always be a debt for him but I have decided that I have done a good enough job supporting them and I don't need his money.
Keep up what you are doing and the kids will one day see who it is that has taken care of them!
2007-09-11 09:56:17 · answer #2 · answered by Debi N 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing. My ex walked out on me and my children on July 4Th of last year. I get no help either. Use the help that you are getting from the state to go to collage or better the job you already have. Don't let him take YOUR children anywhere that you don't have an address. What if something happened to them and you didn't know. It may hurt the kids but in the long run they will hopefully understand. You need to look out for them since hes no help. And don't think that you are being mean if you don't let him see them for not paying his support. He needs to see that he should stand up, be a man and help you. there's only so much you can do the rest is up to him. You might have to do it on your own and it will hurt but you have to much love for you children to let them go down the same drain you marriage did. Don't let them be like him teach them better by being strong when they need you.
2007-09-11 04:53:14 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you do not care about the money, and you have full custody of the children, you have the right to let the children see him or not. I would just drop him and stop trying to communicate with him. Just raise the kids on your own, which is what you and the state are doing now. You will be rid of him and his influence over the kids. Your children will understand why you are doing this. Be proud of them - and yourself and get a job so that you can afford to raise your children the way ou think is right. You do not need this man to ruin your life any longer.
2007-09-11 01:31:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to look at any support received as a bonus and depend on yourself. Take whatever you get from the loser and put it in a savings account, and run your household budget on your own income, as he has proved to be an irresponsible parent at best, and a lawbreaker at worst...This is so not fair, but it is reality and a lot of single parents live it. Consult your lawyer and see what can be done to resume support. Also, find out what your legal obligations are regarding his visits: most decrees require that each parent be made aware of the other's address and phone number. Withhold visits if you are able to legally.
2007-09-10 13:15:05 · answer #5 · answered by Ann K 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are NOT a stupid woman for denying him visitation. You are not doing it solely based on his refusal to pay support. If ANYONE EVER chose not to return my kids to me, they'd better hope they took pics because that would be the last time they would see them again for a long time. He's proven he's not responsible. Do the best you can do, no one can expect more. My mom raised 4 kids on her own. Don't listen to those who put you down. You can do it. Best of Luck.
2007-09-11 14:07:16 · answer #6 · answered by ouramasongrace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do you have his social security number? Hire a private investigator and perhaps with a social security number, the P.I. can track him to an address.
I have had experience with such a person. When someone goes to such lengths to hide, it is to avoid responsibilities. This is a situation you should discuss with a lawyer because you are going to have to act in order to obtain what is owed. And his hiding is evasive action that he is taking for a reason.
Even if you don't have a social security number, do you have his car's license number. I'll bet you do. That is also useful. Go to it, girl!
2007-09-10 08:52:01 · answer #7 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The Attorney Generals office of the state in which you live is the best place to get results from a person who won't pay child support.
2007-09-11 10:26:51 · answer #8 · answered by dmoore2518 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stick to your guns ............
you are doing the right thing , If you know of a place where he will be { church, Sunday dinner at his moms , etc.]
ask a friend to loan you his\her car and follow him
You and your children deserve financial support also
and his refusal to give you his address is assinine
he needs to grow up. Your kids are lucky to have a mom
like you and don't you forget it
Good luck'
Hope you get the JERKS address and start getting your child support soon
2007-09-09 18:20:53 · answer #9 · answered by Nice Girl101 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I don't think that you have alot to worry about if she has made herself unavailable to you and the girls, she is at fault because you were willing to make the girls available to her at any given time, I think this renewed interest is being brought on by some one else other then your ex, just a suggestion keep all records on anything you do for the girls Medical, dental, clothes school records and such. She can be charged with a number of legal issues, main one being child abadonment, non support (child support). i believe the girls are old enough to talk to the judge and their feelings should be considered. Good Luck
2016-05-20 22:40:57 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like he might be living with a woman somewhere. why else wouldn't he give you where he is living. men always seem to hide that information. i would't let my kids go anywhere he couldn't tell me where he's taking them. if your children don't tell you i would say they are taking his side. it's not fair to you, i mean if he's not paying child support or helping you in any way that's pretty crapy. if you let him take the kids when he has them get out and do some investisgating on your own.
2007-09-11 03:21:25 · answer #11 · answered by jeannieboop 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋