fairweather friends?

Question

how can a person tell the difference between real friends and fairweather friends. It seems that I have made so many fairweather friends over the course of my life, - so when things are going well everyone is there, and when times get hard - like when my wife died, then everyone vanishes. So if I have money then things are fine, and if I'm poor (and I'm not asking people for money) then they go away. it's like everyone just wants whatever they can get out of me. If I'm able to make all the effort and call people then they're there, but when I wasn't able to go and call everyone - then there wasn't people there who were concerned about me. I just can't believe how selfish people are. I just don't get it.
I know people that if I'm giving them stuff then they talk tom e, and if I don't they don't call at all. I pretty much quit giving to anyone who doesn't include me in their life. it used to be about anyone, but not anymore.not sure if I should do that though. thanks.

Answer 1

Art, some of them are just no good, or nearly so.

Some of them (couples) are used to friendships with other couples in social settings and can't seem to deal with one-on-one friendships. Many men are like this.

Some of them have done this since childhood and don't know how to treat friends any other way.

And for the most part, fairweather friends are friends with people as long as no negative things happen in their friends' lives. These people cannot handle things that are not positive and make them feel good.

My advice is to see who these kind of people are right away, if possible, and don't invest so much emotional energy into those friendships -- let them remain very "casual" ones, not close ones.

Also, don't depend on "couple" friendships for emotional support. Attempt to develop close friendships one one one with people.

Always too, differentiate between acquaintances, casual friends, and close friends.

Then too, remember that we cannot depend on every friend for emotional support during times of extreme stress. Many people are not built for that. Sometimes we have to talk to other people (counselors, clergy persons, etc.) who are a step away, so to speak, or have been better trained to handle people in emotional turmoil.

Good luck to you.

P.S. Many times you can't tell they are fairweather friends until some great upheaval happens in your life.