I'm divorced, and for about the past year I have been dating a wonderful man. He is great but he is EXTREMELY frugal, although he does really well financially. I don't mind good money management. However, my best friend is spoiled rotten by her husband (yes, they can afford it) -- diamonds, a new really expensive car, a brand-new finished basement etc. I love my boyfriend a lot but it would be nice if I could find someone who would spoil me at least a little bit (within reason of course). Now that we are talking about getting married he is complaining about how much the engagement ring will cost! Should I adjust my boyfriend, adjust my friendships or adjust my attitude?
2007-09-03 14:14:06 · 14 answers · asked by writer272002 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If you think that money buys happiness, you are sadly mistaken. Does any material belonging equal the love that two people have for each other?
I have know quite a few couples who lived showy with fancy home and car and jewelry and it was all a big show.
If your friends are your friends because you love them as people; keep them. You should be happy that they have the material belongings they have, as long as they are happy.
You cannot, and should not adjust your boyfriend. Women especially have this idea that we need to mold the men in our lives to be the way we want, and a relationship will never survive that type of manipulation.
I have friends that have husbands that spend every penny and more on anything and everything, and they would love for any degree of frugality to be involved.
If your boyfriend is great and wonderful and does will financially, he is most likely concerned about saving for the future, and as that future most likely includes you, you should be thankful for that.
Have a good day.
2007-09-03 14:41:50 · answer #1 · answered by Sue F 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well lets see.. 1. if money and being spoiled is all ur concerned about then change your additude.. 2. If your bf is more concerned about money then he is about you, then change ur choice in men.. 3. If your friend is shoving it in your face that her husband is better then yours, then change friends..
Piece of advice.. Good men are hard to find, and if ur man is a good man and is frugal in hopes of securing your financial future.. then i think you would be the selfish one for not realizing a good thing when u got it.. and all though ur friend may have all the nice things, usually everyone pays a consequence , and u may not know it.. he could be cheating on her and showering her with gifts out of guilt.. he could be abusing her and showering her with gifts to appologize, or he could only know how to show affection by buying her off, and they have a horrible relationship and no sex life.. no ones life is perfect, if u probed into every marriage u will find that things arent always as they appear and every marriage has their own obsticles to face, some minor, some major.. but dont let the "spoiling" fool u.. theres usually a Price tag that comes with it.. usually some kind of emotional price tag.. be greatful for what u have, and stop focusing on what u dont..
2007-09-03 14:33:37 · answer #2 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I was reading a question yesterday where a woman asked about her husband not buying her a $400.00 ring to replace her wedding ring which she wasnt allergic to when they got married but only in the last couple of years she has become allergic to it and now wants a ring that is not under 14 carrats.
What's more important ? money ? or happiness ? seriously , you could have all the money in the world and still be the loneliest person on earth.And people where on earth does it cost $400 bucks for a wedding ring ? mine cost $120 bucks and its still gorgeous seriously why the greed?
Your friend might have new things and a lotta bling but is she happy ? or is she just acting it?.
Adjust the attitude sweety seriously , you chose your man for a reason dont be shallow and dump him to fit in with the Jones'.
2007-09-03 14:28:48 · answer #3 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am wondering...
Do you feel it is a sign of his love for you to at least not be cheap about the ring? I may well feel that a man who can afford something nice, values you enough to give you something nice once in a while.
My personal experience, is that my hubby balked at a $250 ring 20 years ago, but quickly purchased a $500 VCR. This translates into how he spends today.
And BTW, I am the frugal one.
2007-09-03 14:49:47 · answer #4 · answered by mouser 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why are you so caught up in your friends arrangements? If her life is the one you want you are being highly superficial if you have a good man with good qualities. Life is not fair and being spoiled is not necessarily about owning things. If you think your fiance is cheap then deal with it. What your friend gets isn't important. If you are going to hold your fiance and potential husband accountable for everything you don't get you shouldn't marry him. Get a grip. Decide what is right for you and don't determine it on what someone else has. You won't measure up for your entire life.
2007-09-03 14:34:20 · answer #5 · answered by dawnb 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should change your boyfriend. You can't adjust him. He sounds rigid and tight and that's a character trait that's NOT going to change. If you don't like it now, you will like it even less if you decide to marry this guy. I personally wouldn't recommend going down the isle. I think you'll find that your birthday, Christmas, Anniversary and other gifts will be non-existent or insultingly cheap. You will hear constant complaining about what things cost, how much the utilities bills are getting higher. It's not going to be fun. My guess is that you won't be going on ANY vacations. Think about that.
2007-09-03 17:35:37 · answer #6 · answered by Sondra 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Maybe you should talk to him about it.
It seems like this really bothers you. And depending on HOW frugal he is, that's completely reasonable.
The two of you need to communicate about this or I fear you are just getting ready to set yourself up for divorce number 2.
2007-09-03 14:22:59 · answer #7 · answered by jezyka 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How expensive is the ring?
Just because your friend is spoiled doesn't mean she is happy.
The ? is can you be happy with this guy if you have to watch what you spend. Material things really don't mean crap in the end its how he makes you feel that is important.
Wouldn't it be better to save as much as you could on the wedding and spend it on you 2 for the honey moon?
2007-09-03 15:12:41 · answer #8 · answered by Emptiness 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
There are more ways for your boyfriend to spoil you without monetary goods. If he lavishes you with love and attention, he's a keeper. If he's frugal with that too, I'd dump him.
2007-09-03 14:47:31 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want so much why not buy it yourself? Men were not put on this Earth to buy women things. Get another BF. You're in it for the gifts and cash, he wants a relationship and financial security.
2007-09-03 14:58:00 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋