Im not really into much human contact. I dont have many friends, never had a boyfriend, some would describe me as being anti social and a little bit shy. I dont like people touching me but i can handle a hug now and then, but obviously only from people i know well. The thing is, when i imagine myself with 'the guy of my dreams' or whatever im always this bright bubbly crazy person and we are always holding hands and hugging and stuff yet when i really think about it i wouldnt be like that at all. I cant even begin to imagine kissing or even sex, its just too intimate, too touchy. How can i change this so that i can one day have a normal relationship?
2007-09-03 14:02:26 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
There is such a thing as "love shyness" http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love-shyness It's normally attributed to men - no doubt because of the cultural understanding that men make the first move. It's hard for a shy person to do so (as much as they may want to).
Perhaps some of the things in that article ring true for you. You say you have few friends - would it be reasonable to say that this is voluntary to some extent? Do you dislike the company of most people? Prefer being by yourself mostly?
As for what you can do... Just try to interact more with others. Don't have a goal in mind when doing so ("must get boyfriend!") - just talk a bit more with shop staff and other people you encounter. It'll just boost your confidence. Not electrifying advice I know, but it's not as though you need to change your personality or anything drastic.
You will meet someone. You're clearly intelligent so I'm sure you're a good judge of character too. Your "frigidity" maybe an issue to begin with but will subside as you become more comfortable with each other. Don't be surprised if he's the same way either - I think a LOT of people your age (how old are you? 19/20?) are lacking in confidence (esp sexual confidence), more than is generally realised.
It's tough right now, I know - you're longing for intimacy but don't have it yet. Try not to be too down - it will come.
2007-09-03 15:17:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people arn't that comfortable with contact, and it can be for many reasons but it's okay. I imagine the same things.
You just have to get to a point where you can say to yourself, I can do this. Touching is a way to show your emotions, and it's completely normal. Are you okay with your body? Or is it simply a matter of you've never been comfortable with it.
It's about going day by day, you can change if you want to. You have to open yourself up slowly (so you can still be comfortable) but at one point you'll get out of your comfort zone and you have to trust that it's okay. You might meet this dream guy and want to be hugged a lot. Start getting used to human contact... I know it sounds hard or simple or impossible but it's all up in your head, and you will get past it.
2007-09-03 14:10:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get to know yourself first. What do you like about you and what don't you like. Study that hard. Read up on the Stoics. And find what you like in life then go for it.
You don't need a guy. You need to like yourself first. Touch yourself --- know the difference between moist friction and love before some cad puts more than smoke up your skirt.
You don't like people touching you but you do still like people that is one step on knowing you.
Why do you think you must have a relationship?--- What is wrong with being alone with one's thoughts? Learn the difference between a want and a need.
2007-09-03 14:40:54 · answer #3 · answered by KarenL 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way we see ourselves in our "mind's eye" is often how we wish we could live, act, or talk, etc... It sounds like this may be the case for you. It concerns me because there seems to be such a difference between the you in reality and the you in your mind's eye. I wonder if it is healty for you to leave such a conflict unresolved? Have you ever thought about seeking the guidance of a counselor? Would it be better to do so than to go through the rest of your life wondering if you could have had the life you see in your mind's eye rather the one that exists in reality - especially since you don't seem that happy with it?
2007-09-03 14:24:40 · answer #4 · answered by mswatsox 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It comes with practice and willing yourself to open up to intimacy and contact. You do come across as prudish, is this how you were raised? You can change, but don't go to extremes, chasity is a virtue and you will be better off when you do hook up with Mr. Right. Chemistry should take over, it just sounds like you haven't been jolted by it yet.
2007-09-03 14:13:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe start by babysitting kids. There you have to touch them, hug them, comfort them. Maybe that will help you because you are reaching out and they reach out for you. Get little ones like 4 or 5y.o.
2007-09-03 14:18:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
This may sound bad but try drinking. Alcohol usually makes people more self-confident. Don't drink too much, just enough to loosen up.
2007-09-03 14:13:59 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe I act similarly so as to minimize the likelihood of hooking up with abusive or malicious partners.
2007-09-03 14:20:58 · answer #8 · answered by sunflower 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am the same way and I think we are normal. I don't consider myself frigid.
2007-09-03 14:07:58 · answer #9 · answered by Jen 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
geeez you need to losen up, theres alot of things in life that we dont wanna go through but you just have to give it a shot and do it... even if you know its not what you want right now but just take baby steps and you'll get there...
2007-09-03 14:07:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋