I've been with my husband almost 6 years. We have 3 kids. Currently I am working 2 FT jobs and he works nothing. I had to get my 2nd job bc he won't keep a job and all our bills are behind. I am tired of dealing with this and I want to leave. He says we should work it out but we've tried before and nothing changes. We always argue about the same stuff and I'm not happy and I don't think he is either. We hardly ever talk or do anything together. I don't want to give up and get a divorce but I've tried everything I know to try. I'm tired of being the one to hold it all together. Do you think I'm giving up by leaving? Any suggestions on what can be done to make our marriage work?
2007-09-03 13:50:08 · 13 answers · asked by mamaof3 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
marriage is an institution!...are you ready for it?
2007-09-03 13:59:39 · answer #1 · answered by djave djarvoo 'djas originel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't do it by yourselves, you said it yourself, you tried but it just ends up in a fight or no change happens. You need a third or fourth party... someone you both trust and like, it can even be another couple. My husband and I have even talked to an older couple who had been through a lot in their 40 years of marriage. Boy can those people help because they don't pick sides...facts and only the facts and their free. If you don't have access to that check your local community sometimes they have group concealing and or activities where you can get to know other people.
Also, good for you for being willing to try. Your working two jobs and probably doing most of the child care so you are to be commended for staying and wanting to work things out. Second you say he won't keep a job not he can't keep a job so I wonder is he just lazy and living off you or is this something new. If it's something new it could be something psychological or even physical, normal people just don't give up on working or on their family. He may want to get checked out.
Good Luck...and don't give up!
2007-09-03 21:05:22 · answer #2 · answered by Vapsjp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi there. You said that you have tried everything, I don't think that is possible. By the sounds of things, you work very hard, he sounds lazy and that is very unfair. I assume that you both argue about this daily, and if so, not much is being solved. Take a step back, ask yourself if you love this person, what your expectations are of him in this marriage. Obviously your expectations are not being met and therefore you need to work on this problem together. If he is not willing to work on this together then you may want to move on. You have to do what makes you happy, and you don't sound happy. But if there is a way to get to the root of his problem, maybe something is bugging him deep down inside, you can save this marriage. Men don't communicate all that well, they often keep things inside, you need to talk to him. But after all is said and done, if your not happy, and you truly have tried everything you need to do what is best for you and your child. I think divorce should be the very last resort but that is for you to decide. Best of luck to you. One more thing, Don't listen to your friends and family all the time, they tend to only listen to the one side. This is a problem that you need to work on with your husband and if a 3rd party needs to be involved I would go to a profesional.
2007-09-03 21:06:42 · answer #3 · answered by West Coast Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You poor girl ! You know in your heart what needs to be done? Come on, your working not one but two full-time jobs. One thing, "HE IS THE ONE THAT PACKS AND LEAVES!" You are the sole provider, who brings home the bacon, Honey ! He has it made with you working all those hours and has you worry about the roof over your head, food, gas and lights,phone,car,insurance,gasoline and most of all the children's well-being. He has no worry,"Why " because he knows that your not going too do nothing about it. One thing for sure"YOU ARE THE STRONG ONE AND YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT HIM !" Why ? You are all ready doing it without him. He is just taking up space in your house. There will be time too sit with the children and tell them honestly what your going too do. Your children will understand, children these days are so smart they will understand. Then later down the road they will see and thank you for bringing them up ! (p.s. you need too seek a lawyer,there are some out there for free consultations for a half or hour. Divorce that is! I wish you the Best and God Bless.
2007-09-03 21:25:35 · answer #4 · answered by seawife 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in a similar situation a few years ago. You are not giving up if you decide to get a divorce. Your children learn the most about relationships from their parents. They are learning that it's ok to have a partner who doesn't help, and contribute to the relationship. I'm not sure what you could do to repair the damage in your marriage, but family counseling would be a great start. I hope it works out for you.
2007-09-03 21:11:31 · answer #5 · answered by Carrie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he doesn't work does he help at home, with the kids, the shopping, cooking anything so it is easier for you when you come home? If he doesn't do anything to help then what does he do all day and night while you work?
If you talk to him and he doesn't want to do anything then do what you must. If he can't keep a job why not? Is it him or the places? Tell him that he has to contribute, if he isn't working then he should take care of everything at home, it is only fair to you.
2007-09-03 21:25:49 · answer #6 · answered by bkdrm41897 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you tried marriage counseling? If not you might want to at least try but it sounds like you have a child for a husband. I'm sorry you have three kids together and I usually like people to stay together for them if they can. But I have to say also that you knew your husband was a lazy bum from the get-go and still chose to have children with him. You personally put yourself into a hole that is difficult to get out of without damaging the children. As long as he is not abusive you may have to suck up and live this life you created for the sake of your kids. They don't see daddy as the dead beat he is.
2007-09-03 21:01:49 · answer #7 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give him a good leson. divorse your lazy *** husband and ask for child support. He would have to work 3 FT jobs. You sit home and enjoy the ride.
2007-09-03 21:37:55 · answer #8 · answered by cute 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to ask yourself if staying and keeping your children in an environment where you guys fight all the time is truly healthy for them. I never like to see a family breakup, but you need to do what's best for your children. You need to talk with someone like a minister or a licensed counselor, but ultimately the decision is yours.
2007-09-03 21:19:22 · answer #9 · answered by andi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless he wants to change he wont change. Are you giving up by leaving no you are trying to do better for yourself and kids. Sometimes you have to set something free in order for it to know what it has to lose. You can try marriage counseling but, again you can't change someone who doesn't want to change.....
2007-09-03 20:59:46 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
does he spend his entire day taking care of the 3 kids while you are the breadwinner? has he always been this way? do your two jobs pay the bills?
2007-09-03 21:21:30 · answer #11 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋