Calamity's grace
We're stuck in a world of hate and insanity. talks of only peace but acts of calamity. nuclear weapons of kick-butt mass destruction. No what are you crazy? we can't evade the system. you see it's not in our hands, free individuals sit and watch. while mr. clock tells us it's time for us to go back to work. tick tock. see the eyes of the child. at the break of dawn. oh where oh where art thou innocence gone? chaos spreads like an aids epidemic. soon everyone will be sick to their stomach. from the lies the hidden truth that remains. people fighting covered in blood stains. mayhem wipes out tons of populations. can't you see the eloquent beauty in devastation? how it kills everything in existance while no one notices and goes living life as some business. let's wait and see? nah~ time is being wasted. chaos is so close you can taste it. caught up trying to find the essence of today's society. the pellucid elegant grace of calamity
2007-09-03 13:32:37 · 4 answers · asked by ♥ mimi ♥ 7 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
i really never shared my poetry with anyone.. cuz i was i fear rejection.. gotta work on that ;)
please don't be rude. cuz this is sorta the poem that i'm actually proud of .. but constructive critisms are welcome..
2007-09-03 13:33:45 · update #1
o yeah.. this may not really matter much in the poetry world but i am 14 yrs old. and i didn't have any specific intentions when writing this.. so my bad if i offend anyone. i just loove writing and poetry :)
2007-09-03 13:34:56 · update #2
sorry. i was afraid that i wouldn't have space ^^;;
2007-09-03 13:46:35 · update #3
Well I guess I am not the only one,
who can think of poems out of the blue,
this is an awesome poem you wrote,
when I get something to write about
it is amazing, it comes natural
and you have an art for writing.
some people has this art to write
others don't,
This part was mine.
---------------------------------
You did a wonderful job
writing your poem
it describes insanity
I noticed the question
are you crazy?
with mass destruction
I think of the 9-11 attack
and the Oklahoma bombing
I see the line where O where art thou innocent
have gone. I would be thinking of Romeo and
Juliet.
2007-09-03 14:44:31 · answer #1 · answered by sweet_blue 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Other than form, you seem to have a very good grasp on metaphor. If you are really as young as you claim, I have new hope for our future. While it is a little clumsy, which is not negative because it is your first poem and probably unrevised, your youthful interpretation of the events in the world today illustrate the effect the instability is having on our youth. I believe this shows a sophistication well beyond your years. Keep writing and continue to broaden your mind by reading everything you can.
2007-09-03 14:26:27 · answer #2 · answered by Crysslynn 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really liked the way you described things. The details weren't just given to you, but you can totally tell what's going on. I really like poetry like that.
2007-09-03 13:42:53 · answer #3 · answered by edentulous 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
not bad u need to break it up some so it dont seem like a long paragraph just my opinion
2007-09-03 13:45:02 · answer #4 · answered by Paul 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋