i have a problem forgiving people who hav really hurt me. Id like to be able to forgive them, but i cant even look at them without getting a feeling of disgust in the pit of my stomache, what do i do?
2007-09-03 10:58:35 · 12 answers · asked by The quiet one 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
1)-Think of all the times you have hurt people and they have forgiven you. 2)- For give them but don't expect the people involved to thank you for forgiving them. Why?... It takes time for others heal just like it does you. And if you have forgiven them before they came to you and asked your forgiveness for their unkind act, ... then they are still healing Be patient and forgive them for you, not for them.
2007-09-03 12:30:07 · answer #1 · answered by guitarman28716 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand completely. If you've lived a life like mine, there are countless people who have stabbed you in the back, left you because of a simple misunderstanding, or who have done something they know is not good according to you. So yeah, its hard to forgive them, but at some point, you must have had some good times. I mean the person who stabbed you in the back, can't have always done that, or you would have never considerd them a friend...right?? at least thats not what i do.. So what i do, is i leave the person alone for a while, ignoring them, unless they talk to me, then i TRY with all my might to carry on a good clean, friendly conversation. I forgive by remembering what they taught me. For everyone who has passed through your life has taught you something, nobody passes through your life without teaching you something. So i remember what they taught me, good or bad, and that gets rid of the whole "disgusted" feeling.
You can forgive, but nobody ever said about forgetting.
Leelah
2007-09-03 18:12:24 · answer #2 · answered by Leelah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be in such a hurry to forgive. If seeing them makes you feel so horrible, they have done something that right now is unforgivable. That feeling in your stomach is protecting you from being hurt again. Trust it.
In the mean time, the best way to learn how to forgive, is to forgive yourself. Everyone plays a role in every situation. Think about what your role was in what happened to you. Although you were the victim, you were there in that situation for a reason. Forgive yourself for the anger and disgust you feel. Forgive yourself for your shortcomings. Once you are free, and feeling better about yourself, you will start to be able to forgive others. One last word of advice is to stay away from those who hurt you. It is one thing to be able to forgive, it is another thing to give them back your trust.
2007-09-03 18:28:33 · answer #3 · answered by bin there dun that 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I actually feel the exact same way as you do. I still have a bit of problem in certain situations, but I have learned to not really forgive, and not forget at all.
Instead, I think of the fact that getting all negative and angry is extremely energy-consuming, and these people are just not worth it! Did you know that 95% of our energy is spent on 5% of the negative people in our lives? That's a lot, and I could make better use of that energy by going shopping or something, than to make myself mad!
2007-09-03 19:40:44 · answer #4 · answered by coffeebean80 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Think about if you'll care in ten years from now. Decide is the hurt that much that you must get revenge ? or are they not worth the effort.
I have a memory like an elephant with an evil streak to it. I don't go out of my way to get revenge, I wait and wait until the right opportunity arises. If after all this time I feel it's justified I get even. If I'm not bothered by it I let it go.
I know it sounds odd, but learning to forgive is really more about learnng to let go of the past.
2007-09-03 18:08:34 · answer #5 · answered by Vogon Poet 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have learned to forgive people by not reacting to a negative situation and allow some time at home or away for the person. This gives time to reset the situation The next time you see this person be bigger than they are and be very kind to him/her/them. I found that if you are genuine and you learn to love in this way people will forget and warn up to you - but don't except immediate results. In order to get love you must first give it. The opposite is true.
2007-09-03 18:08:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeahh i agree with what the person below you said.
i also am goign through the same things as you
i know how you feel.
i have a bad problem forgiving too but its almost like i learned not to think about it that much even though at the time its pretty much the only thing you can think about.
sit down make a list of all your friends or things you do and why u like to them.
its kinda helped me to figure stuff out
im not really sure
[:
2007-09-03 18:06:13 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe you can forgive without forgetting, if you know what I mean. Don't set yourself up to get hurt again. Forgive for yourself, you will be happier, but remember what these people did to you and make them earn you trust back. Don't let them back into your heart without being sure they are true.
2007-09-03 18:03:10 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, look at forgiving as something to allow you to get on with your life. It doesn't mean that you think what they did was okay. You don't, and that is okay. But, what you want to do is not let what they did hold you back, and forgiving allows that barrier to be let down.
2007-09-03 18:02:32 · answer #9 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what i do, you can forgive, but you can never forget.
2007-09-03 18:01:18 · answer #10 · answered by lelenguyen05 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋