We'd been together since we were 16. Divorced 2 months. I've been addicted the whole time. I went to rehab and have been sober for 40 days. I want her to see me trying. I have a good job and was never abusive. We have issues with money and trust as most relationships involving addiction do. She wants children and didn't want to have them with an addict. Our love is not in question. I need to let her know how hard I'm trying and that I'm never going back to that life. If I'd only changed 1 month earlier we'd still be together. I know I have things to prove and can be patient. I just don't know what to say to let her know my intentions. How do I do that without seeming like a broken record. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Her family is a big problem as well. They don't like me and I don't blame them, but if 2 people love each other and have a chance at happiness I think they should try. I know I can fullfill her life. What do I say to make her watch my efforts to prove it.
2007-09-03 10:18:38 · 30 answers · asked by B. Nowlin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Actions speck louder than words.
2007-09-03 10:21:47 · answer #1 · answered by kim t 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Well, I think you definitely burned some bridges. But that doesn't mean they can't be rebuilt. It's admirable to see you making a real change though. However, make the change for yourself and not only her. You have to know that you'd be a strong, hard-working person. Even if it meant being without her.
I think a simple letter explaining how you've been rebuilding your life is appropriate. Possibly include how with given time, you'd like to rebuild your life with her if she can learn to forgive you for your selfish mistakes.
Knowing that your wrong and being able to admit it will be a big thing. Because many people have to much pride to admit when they're wrong... So you swallowing your pride and letting her know that you realize what you did and how it affected her will look good.
Good luck, and keep up the good work. Seems like you're to good of a person to fall back into your old ways.
God bless.
2007-09-03 10:28:20 · answer #2 · answered by CrazyBeautiful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I are going through the same thing. We have been together for 6 years,married almost 2. The past 2 years,he was in Iraq for 1 year. This past year,he left me. I have a spending addiction,which I am going to a therapist(something I have never done before),and I am also going to a money group that teaches you about things like budgets,banking,and learning to save your money. It has been hard,but I feel that in this past year,I have come a long way.
He said that he has been going through his own therapy.He has an addiction also,but he had it before me,so I knew I needed to work with him through his addiction. I never left him because of his,but I don't know why he'd leave me because of mine.
If the love is there between you and your wife,why is she not going to counseling with you? All you can do is keep working on yourself,and live each day as best as you can. Don't give up on anything that you are trying to accomplish.
Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is a big step. I respect you for your guts to face it.
Keep trying to talk to your wife. Let her know how much you love her.
Leave her parents out of this situation as much as you can. They only see their daughter's side,as they are just protecting her like all parents do.
Good luck to you,because there is always hope.
2007-09-03 10:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by stvsgrl2006 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes a relationship needs more then love. We all can't live on love.You also need more then one month to show your trying.Honestly,no one can be over an addiction in one month no one changes over night whether your addiction was long term or short term. Experience is in what I'm typing. It's great to hear you guys love each other,but she needs more then one month to see your trying to make an effort in being the man she knows you can be.You need time apart for yourself right now as well.You need to concentrate on you,because you have gone through something, a hardship.There is time to fix your marriage after all the time you have been together,but first you need to fix you.You need to take time out look at your priorities and who you are and who you want to be and can you be that person. If you can't do that then you can't actually change.
You need to talk this all over with your ex,let her know your trying and your gonna show her,but first you need this time to yourself and when the time is right you can show her the man your turning into. She will understand,because she wants you to do better.You need to let her know your serious and don't want to rush right back into something with the chances of it going raw. If you fight or bicker you will run right back into the arms of your addiction.If you rush into things, and things turn sour,you will go back to your addiction. Show your wife,you need her more,and not that addiction,but first you need to show yourself you need you more,then your addiction.
2007-09-03 10:32:32 · answer #4 · answered by Himynameis 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Glad to see you admitted you have a problem, and are working at staying sober.
However, I'd tell you to forget about your ex-wife and move on.
She must have gone through a lot and if she decided to dump you and her family backed her up, good for her! Not everyone is so lucky.
As for you, concentrate on getting better and you will see that you will be a better person in the future.
But if you really care about this woman, let her go....and wish her well. Hopefully she will rebuild her life and find a man who will not make her cry and suffer.
2007-09-03 10:35:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you haven't been sober long enough. she might have ended things to teach you a huge lesson, especially if she had been threatening you for a while. my advice would be to leave it alone for right now and pick up all the pieces of your life that was destroyed by your addiction and she will eventually start to contact you and ask how you are doing. when you talk to her, let her know of your progress and that you are still in love with her but you don't want to be together until you have turn your life around for a good while. that will kill her. good luck.
2007-09-03 10:25:32 · answer #6 · answered by Tadcack 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well done for taking the right path, in trying to resolve your issues. I would show her how you are improving your life; as they say sometimes talk is cheap, she needs to see that you are making a change for the better not just saying that you are. Once she see that and you are going to stay that way then she and her family will be more positive towards you
Good luck
2007-09-03 11:12:56 · answer #7 · answered by Mama~peapod 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hunny, I've heard lots of cases like yours...You are just a normal man with normal problems. Your relationship is taking a break, of course, thats very common in these days' Americans. To tell you the truth, your story simply sounds like a useless excuse to try to convince people that you are a good person...really deep inside. I mean...your wife must have divorced you for a reason.
Really...get a life, dude.
2007-09-03 10:28:26 · answer #8 · answered by peruviangurly 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to NOT contact her. 40 days sober is just the begining. She must come to you and not you going to her. Be professional and courteous, and kind. Live your life by yourself in a respectable way. You have a lot to make up and right now anything you say means nothing to her since your actions mean nothing (yet) until you make solid changes. Hard to hear I know - but you have to attract her baqck with your actions - clean and sober
2007-09-03 10:29:32 · answer #9 · answered by Delay 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
honestly dude, right now is not the time , you dont deserve her, and no matter what happens you never will, i dont mean i object to you getting back with her...because i dont, but if she takes you back ... shes still to good for you..
that said ... you dont say anything ,,, during your addition you probably said alot... alot of lies, broken promises, and bulls**t apologies.. ... your saying is over... now you must show... you have to break the addiction, make up the broken promises, and do this for a decent amount of time... dont call here, or drop by....you fu*k*d up !!! and she dumped you... send her letters updating your recovery, and telling her how your week went, dont add all the i cant live with out you bull
a closing line about how you miss something about her would give you a brownie point.. but save that for the 3rd letter... you have to show her now how the little things matter...
AND WAIT FOR HER TO CONTACT U the most you get to do is send letters, and NO EMAILS, and flowers....
How you could give up love for any other substance, makes me wanna squash you, when real gz are holdin it down with out love... you make a nicka sik....
2007-09-03 10:36:00 · answer #10 · answered by Jayce E 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you should keep going to rehab , and work hard at your job and staying clean ....that will prove to her that your trying hard.... its going to take more than just a month or two of being sober ..... for her to believe you and thats just a normal thing for anyone .... she needs to you can committ to something this serious ...FOR YOU not just for her ... but keep talking definatly ... let her no what difficulties your having and also what good things your accomplishing ...she can be your support ... and in time the two of you will get over this and you can start a new life together ;) keep your head up
2007-09-03 10:26:31 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋