how do you cope with losing a husband too soon?

Question

my husband died very suddenly - he was fine in the morning, dead when I came home from a brain haemorrage it seems. Bit heavy for this forum I guess, but just thought somebody might know how you're supposed to get through it. 'Early days' not an acceptable answer, nor is 'it will get better in time'!

Answer 1

in my opinion....it's too soon to think about the good times, it will make you more depressed, music helped me through some tough times, not the sad music either.....so, I hope I helped

Answer 2

I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mum to cancer.She had it for 7 years.Not even that long prepard me 4 what i felt when she died. You NEED 2 go though the grief (even if it seems like there is no end) cause that is what will help you to work though it. Talking does really help.If there is no one you can talk openly to about how you feel then try some one out side the family.The more you talk about how you feel (good & bad) the better you will feel.It is like off loading.Its been a year 4 me now and i still feel the pain but i can also think of the good times & not so much of the bad.One thing i can say you will never loss the feeling of love you had/have for your husband.Talk to him each day,tell him how you feel and how your day has been.I know you dont want to hear this but the tears and pain will get less as time goes on and one day you will be thinking about him and instead of crying you will find yourself smiling. God bless you and help you find your way

Answer 3

Mere words can't describe how I would feel being thrust into your situation. If you were soul mates the loss is sometimes insurmountable for most. I would have to take a step back and change venues for a time. Go on a trip; immerse yourself in a good cause. Help out others who have suffered an equivalent loss. Distract yourself from the things you normally do. If he could speak to you now he would tell you to live your life and be happy. Many take solace at times like this with God.
Find a new purpose to go on. It could be as simple as helping a friend or rescuing a kitten but it's possible if it's your will.
Only you will know when you may be able to return to some form of normal life the place he occupied in your heart will always be his. Always. Whether or not you open it to others is up to you.
May God grant you peace.

Answer 4

Very sorry for you.. My wife died suddenly from a heart problem.. She had not been well but it was not expected. You don't get over it. I hope you have close family to help.. I am fortunate that my 3 children and their families all live fairly close and have helped me a lot. I felt the only real reason of doing things was for the grand kids. Whether you have children I don't know, but you need a reason for doing anything. My loss was 18 months ago now.. I will never forget her, I do things because I know she would have wanted me to.. Same for you, do what you feel your hubby would have wanted you to do . I know you won't believe it , but it does ease a bit You don't forget but you find you are more able to take an interest in things .. One of the reasons I bought this computer.. To talk and chat and keep occupied, not sit brooding.. Not a lot more I can say to you.. Accept the love and help from those close to you My very best wishes to you .. Wish I could do more

Answer 5

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My wife lost her fiance many years ago, and she suggests reading when you can't think of anything else to do. One book that she found helpful was "Living when a loved one has died," by Earl A. Grollman.

Here's an excerpt from the Amazon listing at http://www.amazon.com/Living-When-Loved-One-Died/dp/0807027243/ref=sr_1_1/102-8321570-4944119?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1189057948&sr=8-1 -

When someone you love dies, Earl Grollman writes, "there is no way to predict how you will feel. The reactions of grief are not like recipes, with given ingredients, and certain results. . . . Grief is universal. At the same time it is extremely personal. Heal in your own way."

My wife also suggests that you look online for forums where grief and loss are discussed. Expressing your feelings within the cloak of anonymity of such sites, and reading what others are writing, may be helpful.

Answer 6

You live with the happy memories day by day. Look at those pics and cry your socks off and then get on with the chores or the shopping...well you can't look a mess out there can you...Life has to go on and the sooner you immerse yoursaelf back into the thro's of life then it will take a little longer for the pain to subside. You never forget but you will heal. Make time for you yourself to mull over the places you went together, try to visit and talk to your lost partner. Nothing to feel ashamed about...You will come through the pain barrier..just takes a little longer becasue you were not ready...I am sorry.

Answer 7

You get a lot of different feelings when something like this happens, I know from experience. You can become angry - which surprises some people - they just expect you to be sad and cry. There is confusion too and you can feel lost.

There is no time limit or order to your grieving, it depends on you really. There may be other people dependant on you and you may even feel you are not getting the time to get through the emotions which can be overwhelming.

I'm sorry I can't help and I understand that platitudes and sympathy sound meaningless. I don't know how you get through this - only you do - day by day.

Answer 8

I am so sorry, I know words can't even begin to express how you must be feeling. I haven't been through this but I'll try and give you some advice.

Firstly, don't let anyone else tell you how you should feel or how you should react. Secondly, don't be afraid to reach out to your friends and family even if all you want is someone to come and be with you. Maybe let them know what you want, e.g. tell them yes you want them to come round, or you would rather be alone for a bit, so they know how to treat you - often people just don't know what to do in these situations.

This is not an easy thing to get through and it will be hard but you can get through it. Maybe look into the idea of talking to a counsellor from a specialist service like CRUSE.

And remember it is okay to be angry, it is okay to be sad, and it is also okay if you feel happy. Remember he would want you to keep living your life and to be happy.

xx

Answer 9

Sorry for your loss. Some people cope in different ways, some handle it better on their own and need space to grieve, others need the support from family and friends or may even see a grief counselor.

When i lost someone close to me, i found it very hard to cope at first and i know you don't want to hear this but over time i eventually accepted it and moved on with my life. Try and surround yourself with people you care about, generally helps having a good support net work.

Answer 10

You must 'allow' yourself to grieve. It is very important to recognise that you are feeling sad, lost & lonely for the passed loved one.

Do not deny yourself these feelings & pretend that your sadness will go away overnight. It won't. This is normal. It is part of our emotions when losing someone we love.

If you feel that you can't cope with your loss by yourself or have no family or close friend to talk to then I would suggest going to a counsellor. It would help to talk to someone who will listen to your grief. Having said that there is a point where you will have to accept that your husband has passed on. That you need to move on & live & enjoy life for yourself.

This will happen 'after' the grief has subsided. It doesn't mean that you will forget your husband. It just means that you will keep him in your heart forever.

I am sorry for your loss.

Answer 11

Oh babe i am so sorry for your loss. At the moment i cant even imagine how you feel.
i wish there was something i could say to make it better but there isnt. I know what loss feels like as my baby son died in his sleep, and my mother has terminal cancer. I guess the shock of it will last a long time.
my heart goes out to you and i hope the pain will ease in time.
my prayers are with you x