Is there a way to help my friend?

Question

I do not want to judge my friend and her marriage. What I do want is another person’s opinion to see if my view is off base.

My friend (a female) is married to a guy she adored since childhood. He is younger than he and she had a child to a previous relationship before dating and finally marrying him. He had to finish college when first married, but also took part time jobs to equal her income, and made more than she. To make up for not working full time and because she hates to cook, he does all the cooking, cleaning, running errands, yard work and childcare. They now have a child together also.

Often he is approached by women and at work was inappropriately approached to which he opened addressed the matter. She gets mad at him when women are interested in him, yet he never goes out without her, but she likes to have a ladies night out at least once a month where as she dresses to attract men.

She complains that he is not romantic enough, even though he designs jewelry for her, creates romantic trips and treats her life a diamond in the rough.

On vacations and when she is with her other friends, she rebels and acts like he is a loser. He gets quiet and is full of turmoil during these times.

It would break my heart to ever see them part, but I cannot figure out how she can be so thick. If they do break up, she will sleep all the time (like she often does now) and ignore her children and cry he was so rotten. Short of waiting for this to happen, is there a way to get her to understand that she needs to put some effort into her marriage?

Answer 1

There's nothing you can do. I'm surprised he is still with her. She can't see what's in front of her. When she loses him she will never know what caused the problem.

Answer 2

It sounds like you realy care for your friend and want to help. From what I have read, she has deep rooted issues that cause her to not trust. Talk to her. It sounds like she has an amazing man in her life and the last thing she may need is to lose him. Spend some time with her and talk to her before she pushes him away or opens the door fr him to cheat. Remember that there is always more than one side to a story. There may be some underlying issues that they have as a couple. Try to get her to open up to him. No one can save their marriage but them. Now if this is a really serious issue that is causing the relationship to go south, then maybe you can mediate between them. Sit them both down together and let them talk while you communicate what each person is saying. No you can not do that if you can not seperate yourself from the emotion you have for her and the desire you have to save their relationship. You have to remain unbiased. You can not side with anyone nor can you relay message. This is just between the 2 of them and you are assisting. Once each conversation is over then let it end with you. What I mean is, when you take off the mediator hat then that will end all the discussion you will have with them regarding their relationship. I wish them the best and you strength in being a friend.

Answer 3

Yes. You have to be very delicate with this situation. You should pull her to the side and tell her what you see happening in their relationship. Don't be mean to her. That won't get anything done. Tell her that you're concerned and lay it out for her. Let her know that she hurts the man who loves and takes care of her. That's all. The goal is to make her consider what she is in danger of losing without scaring or angering her. Think long and hard about what to say so that you don't make her mad and create a bigger problem than there already is. Be sure to point out some of the good things that she does so that you're not just jumping all over her. good luck

Answer 4

You know what, I would put that on a letter to her and post it or give it to her.
Just like that. You can make it anonymous, even though she might know who it is from, but honestly, it's bound to open her eyes and make her think.
If she still doesn't react, then she's really thick and that guy will definitely be better off without her. It'll be HER loss!
Good on you for being such a good friend!xxx

Answer 5

I used to do the same thing because I was so jealous that other woman looked at my man and he would smile at them and I wouldnt to pull there hair out so I would have a girls night out and dress to attract men but I would never do anything to hurt him because of the fact that I love him so much. S o you have nothing big to worry about unless there is cheating involved in this situation that you knw of.

Answer 6

They need to get therapy/Marital counseling. As a friend it would be difficult to point this out without some discomfort. If you are close enough to either of them you could point out the challenges or another way to put it opportunities for growth

Answer 7

I would be interested to know what relationship you have
with this person besides being only a friend. It is strange
this person has a thick friend of the opposite sex. It is
also strange that you are eager to solve this problem.
Are you withholding some information that we should be
knowing before answering.

Answer 8

She sounds like she is verbally abusive to her husband and needs domestic violence classes and intense counseling. He sounds like he is doing everything he can to pitch in. Like most aggressive possessive people she is jealous when he is around other people, but she has no problem humiliating him in front of their friends. She better be careful or he will file for divorce and get custody of the kids. I think he should really do that since she can't take care of them herself as in the past.
This is a tough one.

Answer 9

Are you joking? She has a good man, look at the things he does to make their relationship work. Seriously... She needs a scare. She is lost without him, can't see the wrong she does. Boy, you better talk to her. She's your friend, her man needs you to talk her. She hasn't a clue what she has in front of her. That man of hers, will eventually leave because of her actions. She'll regret them sooner or later. If she don't listen, at least you tried.....

Answer 10

you need to talk to your friend and enlighten her to the fact that a good thing dont last forever, and eventually he will get tired of her treating him like crap and being unappreciated by his wife. one day and one day soon he will take one of those women up on their flirts on him. she needs to stop regroup and realize what she has and that other women see what he is about and would have know problem with getting with him. all it will take is her treating him like crap on night or day and he leaves and someone flirts and he acts on it and that will be all she wrote, he would be so done with her. tell your friend to wake up and smell the coffee before she be with two kids young and divorce looking for another husband and having another kid. GodBless

Answer 11

I agree with Kc. Putting it on paper and letting her see it in black and white and giving her the chance to study it may do the trick. It's worth a try. Good luck.