I agreed to make a list of where I spent money but he is going overboard on it. I have to go down to the penny - including when I buy a bottle of soda when I fill the car up with gas. On the other hand, he takes at least $500 (normally more) from each of his paychecks - paid every two weeks- and I can not ask him where any money goes. He pays none of the bills and does not buy groceries. If I ask him to pick up milk, he wants me to give him the money for it. He got mad when I told him I could not pay all the bills, buy food, get the kids what they need for school, pay taxes & insurance on $500 every two weeks. Now he wants a receipt for everything I get. Plus I have started a temp job and he wants me to pay as much of the bills as I can out of my pay then come to him for every thing else I need. He makes more than double what I make but he thinks I should pay everything and let him have more to save. He even hides thousands by giving it to his mom for safekeeping. Help!
2007-09-03 08:52:19 · 20 answers · asked by Love being a Mom 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No, I pay the bills with the money I have but I think it may go back to his ex-wife but he will not discuss it with me. Also, one of you hit the nail on the head - the money is his. What I didn't mention is that for about 4 years of our marriage he only worked from time to time and I had to pay all the bills from my check and when he did work he wouldn't give me any of the money. Also, I made the payments from my check for his house payment which by the way, he refuses to add my name to the deed and refuses to make a will that if anything happens that I can keep the house or at least live there until I die. One of his sons has already informed me the house and property belong to him once dad dies. I told my husband but he just shrugged it off. I am expected to do all the housework, cooking, errands, etc. and on his days off (4 on 4 off schedule) he does NOTHING except set and play games on the computer or sleep. He won't even cut the grass. He doesn't want a divorce but....
2007-09-03 09:54:29 · update #1
This is not working together in the marriage. Unless you have had some problems in spending money foolishly I see no reason why he needs to guard it especially with his mother? If not he has some very serious control issues and is very selfish and he needs help!! I would be very upset that his mother is involved and hoarding money for him that is suppose to belong to the both of you. What if something happens that your husband would ever decide to screw up your marriage and mom is holding his money and you cannot get to it for you and the children? All of your money together should be deposited in an account and used to pay the bills and for all house hold needs. I would not accept this and put him into some marriage counseling and find out what his issues are! I could not tollerate this and for your own security reasons you need to know where his money goes and he should respect you enough to tell you! If this behavior keeps up out of him you may one day have enough and leave him....and this will cost him more than he could stand to deal with! You need to stand up to him and find a better way to work your finances out and for him to start treating you like an equal here or why the hell be married to him? You do not deserve to be treated this way because marriage is about both of you working together and lifting each other up not down. He is treating you like you can't do anything for yourself and doesn't trust you spending any money and wants prof by every reciept! I would put a stop to his attitude big time and tell him to get help for his controlling disorder.
2007-09-03 09:30:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Read between the lines. He is financially struggling and wants to come back. He doesn't care about you and your son just a place to stay. Tell him no. He will only come back and then start another argument and leave again. Think of what this will do to your child. His father coming in and out of his life. He doesn't understand right now but eventually when he is older this action will affect him. Your married on paper only. Divorce him and find someone that will respect you, love you, love your child and be there for you even if you do have an argument. You and your child deserve so much better. Let him go. He doesn't love you or his child. Best of luck
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2007-09-03 09:31:23 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know if it will discourage or Encourage you but money, sex, and in-laws are the major reasons for fighting and marital problems. I can see hubby's point though, "ye-up, keep um bar footz n pregnunt" My wife and I always felt that we would "pot" the money together, pay bills, buy food and or supplies (including kids) and split the rest as "fun" or "family" money. One of the problems is that too many people, male & female, think "this is MY check, MY money" Yet, doesn't the bible tells us that a husband and wife become ONE? A UNIT which works for the benefit of the UNIT (family) and sacrafices are made equally. I think you can work this out BEFORE divorce LAWYERS take both of your paychecks if you both seek counseling and try to get this resolved through compromise.
2007-09-03 09:15:42 · answer #4 · answered by Gardner? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is planning for a rainy day. He needs to realize that once you are married the money is shared equally among you both. Since he is making only you provide receipts for the money you spend and will not tell you anything I suspect he is having an affair. What other reason can you think of that would make him not be honest with you?
2007-09-03 09:03:53 · answer #5 · answered by M M 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like maybe the only reason he agreed to give your marriage another try.. is so he'll have a place to stay, while he's working on saving money. Sorry, I know that's not what anyone in your situation would want to hear.. but it sure seems like a good possibility to me. I mean, he wants you to pay for as much as possible, as well as expecting reciepts for everything you purchase.. while stashing money with his Mom for "safe keeping".
I do hope I'm wrong.. for your sake. But, sadly.. it really seems like he's planning for something.. something that doesn't seem to involve you.
2007-09-03 09:32:15 · answer #6 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a mess of a relationship. I wonder if he’s that way because the kids are yours and not his? It doesn’t matter. He has the income, he should be paying the bills. You should not have to account for your money if he doesn’t for his. It really seems like you two are living separate lives and he doesn’t want to be a part of yours. I would be getting ready to leave him. If the kids are only yours and he doesn’t want any responsibility with them, then he could still pay the rent, utilities and the stuff he would pay if they weren’t around. Then you just have to pay for kids stuff. I couldn’t live like that. He needs to pitch in or you need to get out. Sorry.
2007-09-03 09:08:04 · answer #7 · answered by justmythoughts 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This guy sounds extremely controlling. Is there some reason that he doesn't trust you with money? I get the sense that there is something you're not telling. Did you do something to strain his trust or is he just a controlling, stingy bastard. If the the former is the case, you may have to be patient and earn back his trust. If the latter is the case, screw him. Marriage is about comprimise and meeting each others and your children's needs. He's not doing that. Dump him.
2007-09-03 09:11:19 · answer #8 · answered by B. Nowlin 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you've tried to end it once, and things have got no better it sounds like it's time to end it again. I understand he wants to have savings - but if you can't afford things for your children in the here and now, there'll be nothing to save for. And why should you have to provide receipts for everything, when he will not tell you where any of his 'share' of the money goes? Something doesn't sound right to me!
2007-09-03 09:01:34 · answer #9 · answered by sazzie79 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ah, keeping mom up is where that money is going. Either that, or he's keeping someone else up. Either way, he promised to love, honor, and respect you, and he broke those vows. Dishonesty and fraud are good reasons for divorce. Maybe hire a P.I. and find out where this money is going. Then maybe you can clean house on him in court.
2007-09-03 09:21:23 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋