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My spouse has a friendship with a coworker, which I was aware of. I was not aware of how frequently they talked and how secretive this friendship was. The friends spouse found out the extent of it and threatened to call me so my spouse had no option but to tell me. My spouse maintains they are just friends and has said that as I am so upset the friendship will end. What else don't I know and where do I go from here? I thought we were a happily married couple soon to celebrate our 25th anniversary.

2007-09-03 07:48:48 · 14 answers · asked by Alan W 1 in Family & Relationships Friends

14 answers

Hmmm. Your spouse has an 'innocent' relationship and you knew nothing about it UNTIL their spouse threatened to contact you and THEN he 'confessed'...

Their 'relationship' is not so innocent if that is the case. A happily married couple would not have secrets such as that. I would think hard about your spouse's past actions and see if can determine when 'something changed about them'. Less affection...longer days at the office...short, abrupt phone conversations when you speak with them 'at work'.

Sit them down and ask them POINT BLANK about the relationship and MAINTAIN EYE CONTACT. If they 'look up and to the left'* during their reponses or break eye contact...well there is a very good chance that they are lying.

Good Luck!


* That works if they are right handed. If they are left handed...reverse it.

2007-09-03 07:59:31 · answer #1 · answered by CajunAsian 5 · 0 0

I think there is a reason why your spouse friend husband threatened to call you, and she got scared and told you because if your spouse does not have a thing to hide you would know how deep their relationship is before she felt scared you will find out that the only reason she told you about the friendship I will keep my eyes WIDE open. So like they say in my country, "If the river sounds, it´s because it carries water" so if something smells fishy probably you will be right

2007-09-03 07:55:11 · answer #2 · answered by MJ 2 · 0 0

He is wrong for hiding the fact that he has a friendship with his coworker. I don't see where he did anything terrible. What is your woman intuition telling you? That never lies. You need a little more evidence than a conversation before you walk out on a 25 year of marriage. Why don't you find out who her husband is and talk to him, see how that would make her feel.. Don't do that, I'm being mean.

2007-09-03 07:55:31 · answer #3 · answered by KSR 5 · 0 0

If you are asking, then you don't trust your spouse. I would feel upset about the secrets,too. Why don't you sit down with your spouse and tell him/her that you deserve the truth and if you don't get honest answers then maybe this relationship is over. You'll never be happy without trust. Neither will they.

2007-09-03 07:59:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

You have been married for 25 years, by now I would go with instinct. Just be ware if he smells like different perfume, or reciepts for stores that he doesnt show you. Keep an eye out for anything suspicious. If he cant give you a straight answer, the that should tell you something, Right? Maybe you should ask that you go with if he says he's going say to dinner or something. See what his reaction is.
Good luck God bless

2007-09-03 07:54:51 · answer #5 · answered by valleygirl_1986 3 · 0 0

If it was only a friendship then why was it secretive??? Sounds way to intimate of a relationship period. The "friendship" needs to end, or is that another lie? Be careful, good luck.

2007-09-03 07:55:23 · answer #6 · answered by Shelby 3 · 0 0

if it was just a friendship, why was some of it kept secret? he only told u because they were found out? other wise it would still be a secret? if it was the other way around,ask yourself under what circumstances would u keep a friendship a secret?

2007-09-03 07:57:04 · answer #7 · answered by x caroline x 3 · 0 0

Probably not. If it was so innocent why was it a secret. And maybe it wasn't a sexual affair but he obviously has some attachment to her to talk to her so much. That is time and effort that should be expended towards you. He needs to end any contact with her and I would make him go to a marriage counselor with you.

2007-09-03 07:54:40 · answer #8 · answered by Rosestar 2 · 0 0

Sounds like at least an emtional affair, becareful and I think it should stop immedicatly get into counseling. 25 years is a long time to throw away.

2007-09-03 07:52:23 · answer #9 · answered by alwaysdreaminshelly 3 · 0 0

I would wonder that if nothing was going on, why was it such a "secret?" If nothing was going on, there would be no reason to keep it so secretive because there would have been nothing to hide.

2007-09-03 07:54:27 · answer #10 · answered by First Lady 7 · 0 0

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