how do you let go of the anger and resentment from an ex you still care for?

Question

An ex does you wrong... You of course break up, then they still want friendship, but you still have feelings for this person. You do swallow alot of pride and bit your lip from time to time as best as you can, being they are now with the person whom was one factor of a few, in the breakup. Over a two year time now after the breakup. You still long for this person but the ex only wants friendship as they state 2 your face, but when asked by one of your friends if other was not in the picture would they go back to you, and they say " they could", then how do I just become friends and deal for "in the meantime". I want to be w/ this friend still even the most would say " are you stupid, for what she put you through". yet I know I could be perhaps just a friend, but how do i let go of the past the love feelings and bottle them up, and then also let go of the bitterness I too that tends @times to creep up on my thoughts. I know I can't wait for this ex, but i want 2 still see her.

Answer 1

Just forgive him and move on.

Answer 2

It's perfectly normal what you are going through. I don't think it was a good idea to jump into a new relationship when you are still dragging all that emotional bagagge. That is going to affect your current relationship, and it can also hurt the other person - which will be good if you let the other person know where he stands and with who is going out with (abuot your bgagge). Ideally you should have spent time by yourself, doing what you are doing except the relationship, that would give you more time to think about it and burn which will burn the issue with your boyfriend. The current relationship is keeping you distracted and not letting you process all these issues, hence, it's taking you this long and will keep taking you until you reach the end of all this process that you can't really avoid, where you finish recovering your self esteem and you will be more than ready for a relationship, without all the emotional bagagge that you are draging at this time, you will be able to choose wisely and most likely wont make any previous mistakes like you have made. The only way to get over the resentment, is by forgiving, accept it was your mistake, that the other person was like that and there isn't much you can do, and just forgive and that's the point when you will be really moving on, while you don't forgive, you are still stuck in the past.

Answer 3

You said it in your title. You can't let go of feelings for someone you still care about and are actively seeing and talking to. The only time people should stay involved is if they have kids and even then it should be contact concerning the kids only. You need time to yourself to get past these feelings, so you can be healthy and whole again. The place you should try and get to, is to feel completely "indifferent" about this person. Which means, you don't care either way about them. No love and no hate. Understand? Your feelings of caring is what will keep you there and wanting this friendship. How does this benefit you? It doesn't...not in any shape, way, fashion or form. Unless you think you may reconcile. This ex is doing you no favor by wanting to stay your friend and if she really cared about you, she would let you move on with your life and not hold you down by wanting friendship. She is doing you a disservice. It only provides you with an emotional crutch and possibly your ex also. Move on and find someone else to love and to heal and you will only delay this by being friends. I know it is hard, but you are most important now. Maybe once you have reached a healthy place, you could possibly be friends down the road, but you probably need to feel totally indifferent to her for that to happen.

And, remember this saying..."Having the love of your life do you wrong and break up with you and then tell you "we can still be friends", is like your dog dying and your mom saying you can keep it".

I wish you the best of luck!! You deserve to think of yourself first!!

Answer 4

You cannot be friends! Sorry to tell you this but it's the truth. You will never get over this person without letting go completely. I suggest that you just stop talking to this person, don't tell them you are going to do this, it only gives reason to argue, besides why should you justify yourself when this person is clearly wrong! Why should she have her cake and eat it too? It sounds like she's keeping you around so one day she can use you as a last resort .
I tried this before, to be friends....it's not easy at all and someone is always being let down.
My life is so much better, I have someone else and I don't have to worry about falling into the trap of thinking my ex & I might get back together.

Answer 5

don,t feel bad I still want my ex too and also the one that caused most of the breakup he is now married to. as hard as it may seem you have to just move on because how could you ever trust again even if you were to get back together? we have a daughter involved so we have to be friends and that is harder. it has been 3 years since divorce of a 15 yr marriage so go figure maybe some are just meant to cheat, i say he will eventually do her the same so payback does come back one way or another. so, good luck know how you feel!

Answer 6

You can't really be "friends" with an ex lover. There will always be a lot of pain in the relationship.
Nancy (my mother-in-law) and my father-in-law divorced 30 years ago. Nancy never remarried. He married his lover. For the "sake of the Children" they all became friends. I was amazed at how well they got along and that Nancy was not bitter about the situation.
Nancy died recently. We were all shocked when her ex's wife came for a visit to the hospital and Nancy told her son "get that ***** out of here so I can die in peace" She went on to explain that she had been bitter all of these years, but concealed her feelings "for the sake of the children."
Don't be Nancy. let the relationship go so you can heal and find happiness.

Answer 7

if an ex has been unfaithful to u, it is really hard to go back and have the same feelings for them as u did. its always best to accept things just as they are, and move on and find someone else, staying in the past will just bring u heartache and discourage u. the first step is putting distance between u and that person and refusing to be friends. than slowly the bitter feelings seem to fade away but only if u don't see them or talk to them.

Answer 8

Go into counseling and let someone help you deal with all of your emotions to put them in the right place. You can't wait around for someone to want you in their life if they choose not to. You have to find a way to move on in your life and not let this ex hold you down. I understand that your feelings and emotions are involved here and it isn't easy to just turn them off.....but you have a right to find happiness and someone else that accepts you for you and could care about you and what matters to you in your life. Even though you want things to be different and you want to see her ..maybe this is not a good thing and you may need to avoid her at every cost even though you want to! Some people just don't want to care how they can affect our lives and can be insensitive to all our emotions that we ever gave the time to feel about them! We wonder if we ever meant as much to them as they did to us and if it was all for nothing? The only thing we can do is to find the strenght to let them go if we only meant misery to them in their lives and to understand that its more about them than it ever was about you if they can just throw us all away so easily! Sometimes people are just not worth what we feel about them and it is truly their loss. Someone out there has a lot to gain in finding us when they are more like us and know how to fight, work and keep the good things about us in their lives. I would focus on me now and get right about reality and learn from my mistakes and prepare for something much better when the next person comes along. Things always have a way of coming back on you in life and if your ex betrayed you for another it will come back on her because karma always has its way. Hopefully by then she will realize that you don't play with someones emotions and feelings ...and by then you will have someone that appreciates you and loves you and you won't want to give the ex the time of day!! Go to the gym and work out your stress about this girl and suround yourself with people that you can matter to . Good luck and take care and the very best wishes for your future happiness,

Answer 9

First, why would you want to be with any one who would only, maybe be with you if there was no one else to be with?

Second, you can not be this girl's friend any longer. How can you try to remain friends, still have feelings for her, and watch her have a relationship with someone else? You can't. You need to let it go and try to heal yourself. Holding on to her in the hopes that she will come back to you is crazy. She's not coming back, and even if she does, it will only be until someone else comes along. If you ever want to be over this, you have to let her go.

Answer 10

Why is so hard to just leave it alone. Sometimes that whole friend thing is just a reason to hold on. if you pass the person on the street you should be nice enogh to speak. But if its done let it be done.

Somethings things run course and going down that same path is like beating a dead horse.

especially if you now know that they were never your friend to begin with.

Answer 11

Sometimes in order to let go of the hurt you have to let go of them. Who says that because the ex wants to be friends that you have to be. You don't, and nothing says that you do. You hold on to the hurt because that's your way of holding on to them. Let everything go, you'll be surprised how things turn around. You might see them for who they really are.

We cheat ourselves out of so much holding on to something that we think we want because there's nothing else at the moment. But moments change all the time.