can you ever help someone who doesn't want to be helped?

Question

If someone has an unreaslistic high superiorority complex and far too high expectations of others, will they ever be able to accept their own faults and be able to maintain relationships, or will they always be lonely???

wow Pasquale you hit that on the head. Her "masochistically lay-outed by nature " boyfriend started getting his own social life, and therefore didn't fit her demanding expectations and was dumped, as was I ,as a friend for asking her for a favour that wasn't directly linked to her. As much as she hurt me, I do hope someday she will realise her mistakes in life in order to be happy

Answer 1

Of course I can help someone who doesn't want to be helped! I can just and definitely leave him or her alone in his or her own unrealistic high superiority. But I might also go pedagogical and so more or less calmly try to teach him or her something.

The unrealistic high superiority and expectations that someone may have are in his or her own subjective high superiority which is deemed unrealistic by others, objectively.

The expectations that someone may have of others may not be accepted, even not at all and in total indifference, by others.

Please heed graciously this: In order to satisfy his needs in his interactions with others someone must try to reach an agreement with others, negotiate with others, in order to be able to take and to give.

There are of course always people masochistically lay-outed by nature and or by tradition who might anyway love to dance after the unrealistic superior type's pipe. Then that superior type gets his wanted help, his wanted satisfaction, so staying able to maintain the wanted relationship, while others may get on thinking that he or she has the unrealistic high superiority complex.

Answer 2

The problem with that, as with any psychological disorder, is that the person needs to realise it for themselves to start helping themselves and while that hasn't happenend, its impossible for anyone else to change that because telling them about a problem they don't believe exists just doesn't help.

I'll give you an example, although please bear in mind i'm not suggesting anything here is right or wrong its just to illustrate my point.

You believe in christianity, i believe in Atheism, I think i'm right and you think you are right, and even if everyone else in the world believed in Atheism and told you Christianity was wrong, if they want to believe in Christianity they will continue to do so and telling them what they believe is wrong can hurt so you have to make sure they have all the information and if they want to change then they will otherwise they will stay like that.

once they have accepted a problem, then you can help as much as possible as you need support from others once you know what help you want.

Answer 3

Well I believe it can be possible to help a person who doesn't want to be helped, however, I think you'll find it quite challenging, because if a person themselves cannot identify the problem, they're just going to be ignorant to your help, but if you can help them see their faults.

If this is a personal question about a relationship you may have yourself, it may be good to talk to the person who needs help, explain their faults and how it may or not affect you and others around you.

Constructive criticism is needed sometimes, although some people really do not take to kindly to any criticism.

Answer 4

Yes you can help then by not accepting their demands, that way only time will teach then that the world doesn't evolved around then, and they can't control other people's lives. If they do eventually they find somebody to share their lives with. Living with a self-center person is unbearable, but living alone is just sad, and sooner or later they'll figure it out.

Answer 5

If they are happy the way they are leave them alone.

They only need fixing if they're broke. If they don't perceive that they are broken then they don't need fixing.

If howver, they are making your life a lisery by being the way they are, move away from them. If they wanted you in their life they would then perceive that things are not as happy as they might be, and would seek help.

You cannot live someone elses life for them. So stop trying.

Answer 6

the more you try to tell them they are wrong, the more resistance is created. It is a defense mechanism.

If I were you, I would not tell them anything. Because I might be wrong, or I might be far more aware than they are. They can not realize what I am saying. They need to walk the way step by step.. or it would never work

Maybe the best old way to let them know about their real abilities, is not to help them untill they ask for help...
this is how life cures us

Answer 7

From my experience of an 8-yr marriage with this kind of a guy--my answer is NO. I DID learn how to get him to ADAPT, however, in some areas. It was always important to me to arrive places on time--agreed upon with others; concerts, etc. My ex- was so very passive-aggressive, that he dawdled CONSTANTLY--when it was something I wanted to do. It finally dawned on me! I waited until he his mother and step-father had scheduled lunch at an especially nice place in Tiburon, CA., at 1 p.m. I went swimming in the apt complex pool and "forgot" what time it was!! He reminded me. But THEN, I had a TERRIBLE time with my hair and my decision of what to wear!!!! He became agitated; telling me to hurry up; and then openly angry with me! I maintained perfect innocence but continued to have trouble getting ready. FINALLY, I was ready and he drove like a maniac! I retained my cool and prayed we wouldn't have an accident. We arrived at the restaurant 45 minutes late! I smiled and kissed his parents hello and made no comment re our tardiness. My husband, however, was in a foul mood and wasn't the jolly jokester he usually was when we were with his parents. FROM THAT DAY ON, he was never late going to places that we were expected! Nothing was ever said, but he KNEW that I'd pull the same thing again with him, if he dwaddled for things that were important to me. I found, also, that he had been fired every 1 1/2 yrs from jobs--even tho' he was a bright civil engineer, his p-aggressive bhrs always got him fired. After our divorce, he married (his 3rd) a woman and they had no children and she worked for the post office. He then stopped working all together; stayed home and became a house-husband, doing all the cooking. She called me and asked if he ever hit me or threw things during tantrums. I chose not to discuss it with her, but advised her to take care of herself. They had no children; he was 50 and fat by that time, and she supported him. Evidently, she got the message across that she'd definitely divorce him if he didn't quit that aggressive bhr. (He always had a very superior attitude toward others, and ridiculed them, too.) His motivation to change came through his "survival" as he saw it! Later, she called and said that he stomps around in a "mad" at times, but no more throwing of things nor breaking furniture. He knew where his bread was buttered. That marriage lasted until he died.

Answer 8

Humility brings us all on the same level. Someone who is so judgemental, is actually insecure about themselves, hence the 'walls'....this keeps people at bay, as you know, but also enables lonlieness at times.

Answer 9

No. If you try, you'll just become a nuisance and lose their friendship. Let them be and make them aware that the way they are is acceptible.

Answer 10

You can help them even if they don't want it. Just don't let them know. They'll be grateful in the long run.