My wife absolutely refuses to change her last name to her married name.?

Question

She says she will not change it because my x wife has not changed her name yet, am I ridiculous for feeling bad about this?

Answer 1

You should have discussed this before you got married.

I agree with your wife although I have changed my name to my husbands and his ex-wife still has our name. They do not have any children together so I do not understand why she wants to be refered to as Mrs K when clearly she is not part of the K family and this implies that she is Mr K's wife when clearly she is not.

What's stopping you from taking her name anyway? That way you then have no association with Mrs ex-wife.

Answer 2

You feel the way you do - there's nothing wrong with that. Perhaps your new wife feels a little left out because you have a history with someone else who, by way of keeping your name, is still hanging on to the past. Of course if you have children with your first and they also have your last name your ex-wife could be keeping it for simplicity sake. If that's the case explain to your new wife that your ex is keeping the name so the children aren't confused. If your ex is just holding onto it for no other reason then your new wife probably feels a little resentful.

I get your feelings but in the end, it's just a name. So long as she loves, cares for and supports you, it shouldn't matter what she's called. After all, as Shakespeare once said, "A rose by any other name would still smell as sweet." (Or something like that)!

Answer 3

Ok...her reasoning is a little silly. I didn't change my last name, but it had nothing to do with his ex keeping her married name. My husband actually considered taking on my last name, but his mom was still living at the time and that would have been very hurtful.

I've never understood what the big deal was about whether to change or not. Bottom line is that you're married, period. There will be so many more important issues to deal with in your future; chose your battles carefully. I don't know, but this signals a lack of security, possibly on both your parts. Hers, because the ex has the last name; yours because, well, does it really matter?

Answer 4

You should repect her descision. If you are secure with you position as her husband, then the last name issue with your ex-wife should have been resolved. Did you ask your current wife if carrying your last is something that is sacred to her? Does she feel that has been comprimised because your ex-wife won't change her name? You current wife has the right to keep her name. The bottom line is, if you are uncomfortable with that you should state why. Talk about it with your wife. I am sure, she told you that she was going to keep her name before you both chose to marry, if you accepted it then-you should accept it now.

Answer 5

Why don't you ask her to hyphenate it?? A lot of women these days are going with two last names.

Quite honestly, I think your wife's reason for not wanting to take your last name is ridiculous and petty, but I am sure she feels as if it's a good reason.

Explain to her how important it is to you for her to share your last name and perhaps she will understand and consider changing it.

Answer 6

For some reason she doesn't feel secure that you guys are over. And she thinks that the name change will make it all better. But it won't. Maybe you and your ex are still too tied up in each other's lives. You need to reassure your wife that she's the only one you love. It sounds like she's being insecure.

Answer 7

your wife is being ridiculous.you two should have talked about this before you married. regardless that is your ex last name and hers too and there aint a damn thing she can do about it. she needs to grow up if that is the only reason why she wont change it. she needs to realized that she is the Wife and that your ex is probably loving the fact that she has so much control in yours and your wife life. give me a break. she is your wife and you know she is and so do everybody else. but no you are not being ridiculous. your wife is.GodBless

Answer 8

Hold on a minute... WHO the f*ck on this Earth would want to marry a douche bag person like you? You sound completely stupid with this "traditional" B.s. Women have rights now in case you didn't know... It's not all about whatever the "man" says goes anymore... You call women "immature" for not taking a man's last name but look at the sh*t you wrote, sounds dumb as hell... I don't know how old you are, but you sound like you are 14 or 15 years old.. Grow up honestly. (P.s.) I know this is like 4 years ago but I came across this comment and I just had to give my wonderful opinion.

Answer 9

Ineteresting - lots of women keep their own names so that part is not a big deal. But the reason she gave you for keeping her name is quite strange - why would she care what your ex does? It's not like either of you can control her. However, this could be a sign that something else is going on for your wife. (ie. maybe she feels threatened by her or something like that.)

But as for her name/your name, I would not go to war on this issue. If it is not about anything else, leave it alone.

Answer 10

i don't think change her last name is a big deal. i don't do that either. i still use my parent last name after i married. it because i respect my parents more than my husband because i feel that without my parents i wouldn't grow up as a mature person and being good enough to marry my husband.
not using her married name does not mean she doesn't respect you. the most important thing is her feeling for you and the way she treat you.
i don't use my husband last name, but i feel i take care of him with all my heart, and the most important thing is my husband admit that i take care of him more than his mother and anyone else he ever dated..
did you find out your wife take care of you that much? if yes, don't bother to force her to change her last name, which will end up she loose respect for you...