My boyfriend has an 8 yo daughter and has been completely involved in her life since birth. He has moved to 2 different states just trying to stay near her (ex is in military). His ex recently got married and he heard his daughter call the new husband "daddy" and was very hurt by this. He confronted the ex and she basically told him that she was not going to stop his daughter from calling the new husband that. The new husband had never even met her kids until after they were married (lets you know how much this woman is just concerned about herself and not her kids) and when his daughter did meet the new husband he was only around her one week before he had to go back overseas and she was already calling him daddy. Should this be happening? Is there any legal action that can be used to stop this? This is totally outrageous to me! He is very bothered by this doesn't want his daughter caught in the middle but on the other hand is this fair to him when he has been there since day one.
2007-09-03 02:53:39 · 22 answers · asked by arwen0775 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
All this is the risk you boyfriend took. The daughter should call the new guy anything she feels comfortable calling him. If she likes him enough to call him that, your boyfriend should be happy instead of jealous. There are some awful step-dads out there. I think it is wrong for a women to get her kids attached to boyfriends, she was right not to introduce the guy to her kid until there was a commitment.
2007-09-03 03:01:39 · answer #1 · answered by ninebadthings 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing legally that you can do about this at all. If you put pressure on the daughter then she will feel caught in the middle and feel that she will have to choose. Actually the fact that she calls him this is a good sign. It means that she is comfortable with him and he is not mistreating her. As long as she does not start calling her real daddy by his first name then everything should be okay here. She is a very lucky girl to have 2 father figures in her life that care so much for her. The thing to watch out for would be if she suddenly started calling her step dad by his first name again. You would know that something has happened that she is no longer comfortable with him. Just let your husband know that he needs to hang in there and to keep up with his visits and outings with his daughter. He will keep his special bond that the 2 of them share and all will be alright.
2007-09-03 03:13:09 · answer #2 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ouch, I know that hurts. But you have to keep things in the perspective that this is an 8-yr-old child. It is extremely odd that they would get married without spending 'family' time together first; that is a major concern! But as a little girl, maybe she's just calling him daddy simpy because he's there. As long as she still calls her biological father 'daddy' and understands that he is and will always be her true daddy, then I wouldn't make an issue of it, out of concern for the little girl. On the other hand, if the mother is 'coaching' this girl (brainwashing) her into phasing her father out of her life, I would definitely get a lawyer involved.
As long as he is maintaining a good relationship with his daughter every chance he gets, I don't feel he needs to worry. Kids are very perceptive, more than what adults give them credit for usually. Keep up the active involvement in her life. When she's older, she'll be able to understand the situation better.
And, it's better that she feels comfortable enough with this man to call him daddy, than if she hated him and couldn't stand to be around him. Just stay active in her life. She knows who her father is. Best of luck! Just remember, they grow up really fast. And time can heal wounds.
2007-09-03 03:15:30 · answer #3 · answered by classic1957gal 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, this is a tough situation. The little child should not be blamed or suffer any hurt from this situation, even though it may be hard on you to lose the status of "Daddy". Perhaps you could accept the change if she calls you another endearing term, even if it is just "Dad" or Papa or some thing like that. I feel so sorry for you, and I think that his ex is cruel
however, the child adapted to his being 'Daddy" so you are going to have to make the changes in your own mind. You are STILL her Daddy, no matter what she calls you that is an appropriate change. My heart goes out to you in this problem.
2007-09-06 23:03:53 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is completely wrong in my opinion! Granted the little girl shouldn't call the step father by his first name or anything like that, but calling him Daddy is out of line in my opinion! I might be able to see it if the step dad had been there all along from birth, treated her like she was his own, and if he was all the father she had ever known but the real father has been there every step of the way from what you have told us.
Not sure if there's something to be done about it legally, but he can try to enforce the idea that Daddy is a word ONLY associated with HIM when he is with his daughter. I'm not talking about playing tug-o-war with the girl just explain this to her. And keep enforcing the idea.The mother should be ashamed of herself. How would she feel if the child referred to a step mother as Mommy! These are precious words, we must be careful how we use them!
2007-09-03 04:00:44 · answer #5 · answered by 636lover 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At 8 years old, the little girl is trying to develop some "normalacy" in her life... moving around all the time... has created an urgency on her part to cling to whatever is constant in her life and embrace it... I feel for your friend.. it's a very tough situation when one parent cannot see beyond their own life and how their decisions are affecting their children...
However the good news is that your friend has a daughter that is quite old enough to understand and remember complex and intelligent conversations... If your friend... can sit down with her and explain... that his feeling are hurt... by her calling this other man daddy... she will absolutely understand... at the same time... she needs to be told... that He understands why she does it... and that it's okay...
Just tell your friend... he's an adult...handle it with maturity, and grace... after all... what is in a name??? or a title... Nothing is ever going to replace the love he has for her... and nothing will replace the love she has for him...and whether she calls him by any other name... nothing will replace that bond.
it's about their relationship... the "other man" the "mother"... even you... are mere background players...so long as he is supportive, caring and nurturing... what does it matter what goes on in the other relationships???
2007-09-03 03:11:36 · answer #6 · answered by alex b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't advise you to add oil on the fire by pushing your boyfriend into taking legal actions.
Yes, it's wrong of the woman to encourage her daugter to call her new husband daddy when her real dad is alive and has always been present in her life, but honestly, I wouldn't worry too much, as children know better.
She will go back to her dad in need and she will not forget who her real dad is.
I don't imagine there's any legal way that he can prevent what is happening.
He needs to keep trying as he has been to be there for his daughter and show her how much he loves her. People can't buy children's love. They may be impressed with presents and all at first, but they will never forget the ones who's been there for them. So, I am sure she will remember in time.
2007-09-03 03:03:29 · answer #7 · answered by Kc 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to the "leader" of the family. In most families, it is the matriarch. Explain to her, away from your daughter or bf why you have decided to have her call him dad. Explain that she is still a baby and you intend to tell her that this guy is the heart dad and the other one is the bio dad and it is the heart dad that matters. People may have problems with the title because it does not reflect the truth. You can not force them to accept your fiance but when you get married, maybe his adopting your daughter would regularize the situation. Also if you do not plan to marry your fiance in the near future (ie one year or so, then maybe you should not rush the titles on the heart dad. If he leaves and thinks he is is dad, it can be a great loss so make sure your situation is stable before giving out titles. Also, when you are in love, things always seem like they will last forever but if you separate, in the eyes of the courts, if he is recognized as the dad that gives him rights and responsibilities. Maybe your family is looking out for your daughter and you.
2016-05-20 00:54:33 · answer #8 · answered by allyson 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It may hurt him, but it will be better for his daughter in the long run. If her mother has other children by the stepfather, they will be calling him daddy and if his daughter calls him uncle instead of daddy, she will feel like she doesn't belong to that family. She will be referrring to him as uncle while they refer to him as daddy. How would that make her feel when she's with them and in a public context? It would also cause a rift between her stepsibblings and her if she calls him uncle and not daddy.
2007-09-03 04:52:49 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is no legal action that can be taken for the little girl calling another man "daddy"....I am confused as to why she would call him that...is the mother intentionally trying to make her refer to her stepfather as "daddy"?....if so I think that can be very confusing to the little girl...because she has a father. I think it is terrible if the mother is doing this. If on the other hand...the girl is doing this by choice...your boyfriend ( her father) should be happy for his daughter....because she feels comfortable with the guy.
2007-09-03 03:01:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋