How do you?

Question

get over someone two years after a breakup? How do you stop idealizing him, despite no contact or any chances of ever getting back together? How do you stop holding him as a model and open yourself up to new potentials?

Answer 1

The longer you're apart the more you'll be forgetting the flaws in the relationship and idealizing the positives.

So, don't even try to forget those fine moments. Linger over them. Enjoy them. Reminisce. Focus on making those memories give you pleasure. But don't suppress the reasons for your breakup either. Develop a broader perspective.

Assume that this is a permanent part of your life, even when, as time goes on, the memories -- positive and negative -- diminish.

During voir dire, defense attorneys ask prospective jurors to imagine their mind is a blank slate. Then, with respect to their clients, they ask whether the word, guilty, innocent, or blank is on that slate.

To demonstrate their open-mindedness, jurors often answer blank. The right answer, the jurors are told, is innocent. (The question is an educational device and doesn't usually disqualify a juror.)

As you approach new relationships, you should write the word, boyfriend, on that slate. As the evidence accumulates, you can affirm that designation -- or not. (It will be your self-education device.)

Answer 2

Two years sounds a long time. Unless you had a very long relationship with this person (say a 20 year marriage), you should be over it by now.
What this indicates to me (especially since you say you idealize this person) is that there is more going on here. My impression is that you suffer from some deep-seated self-confidence issues that won't allow you to move on. I'm a total stranger typing this, probably hundreds of miles away, so I don't really know you, but here's my guess (on the little information I have): You don't think that you'll ever do any better and so, you're hoping for this person back, because you know at least he saw something in you. You lack confidence and you're afraid you'll be alone for the rest of your life.
My solution is to take it easy. First, you have to learn to live with yourself. Then, you can think about living with others. Take time to figure out what you want out of life. Pursue these things. If you are happy with who you are, and doing some of the things you want to be doing, such problems will become much easier.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

It's tough no doubt. Time has to fix it but you can help speed it along by the famous 'rebound date.' It may seem wrong at first, like your cheating on him, but it will help. Basically try and surround yourself with people that don't remind you of him and that can provide a positive alternative to stewing over burnt bridges.
Also delete all his numbers from your phone, e-mails from your computer, pictures that you have, and any items of his that you may still be holding on to.
Good luck and don't dwell on him, you have better people to meet. :-)

Answer 4

Oh, dear! You're not the proud feline of your ID name, are you, Lioness?
Actually, all you lack is faith in yourself. Trust in your own ability to move forward. Dammit, girl! You are woman. You can do anything you put your mind to. You are invincible. So why this fetish about someone who doesn't exist in your world any more?
He's in your past, so leave him there! You have your own life to live. You cannot live in the past, so leave it where it should be - behind you - and move into the future believing in yourself, rather than anyone else. No-one else can live your life better than you can, so do it!
And do it now!

Answer 5

Pray that he will find someone that makes him as happy as he made you , that they will be as in love with each other as you were with him, wish them the best,, and >> realy meen it !!! it won't help you forget him , but you will know that you did truely love him enough to let him go ,, then throw out his memerabilia , photos and anything you have that is>> him,,, and start your life .