i'm inlove with someone who's married but they are not in good terms together and the will be divorced. he told me that he loves me but he wants me to stay away and wants me to get him out of my life as he thinks that i deserve someone better and he doesn't want to be selfish. i tried to convince him that i love him so much and that i don't want anyone but him in my life but he's not listening. please tell me what to do i can't live without him and i know he's suffering please tell me how to convince him to change his mind please help.
2007-09-03 00:03:49 · 19 answers · asked by emilly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I hate to break this to you but he's breaking up with you.
He's trying to tell you in a nice way the "It's me, it's not you," excuse. He's going to tell you everything in the book about how much he cares about you because he does not want to hurt your feelings. Just know that he may care about you a lot or even love you, but he's not willing to giving up his life to be with you.
You have to understand that even though he is unhappy in his marriage it's not as simple as getting a divorce. There might be children involved, loosing his home, his career, friends, dealing with in laws, and having to split everything down the middle is a pain in the ***.
What I've learned is that a lot of married men would love to be in a relationship outside of their marriages because they cannot find that companionship at home. However they are not willing to leave their wife because that is a huge sacrifice and a burden unless it's a last resort.
I'm really sorry that you are going through this and know that it will take time to heal. You do deserve a man that is there for you and only you. Keep your head up and know that it's better to have loved and lost then to have never have loved at all.
Also, don't let the other angry people tell you that it was wrong of you to be with a married man. You don't need to prove anything to them.
2007-09-03 00:18:53 · answer #1 · answered by Kate 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dated a few married men in my time. I dated their sorry, pathetic, immature butts the second I found out they were. I do not tolerate adultery. (The one marriage breaker for my husband and me.) The man you mention is obviously immature, if he can't hold up to the biggest most important commitment a true adult can make. (It's up there with parenthood.) He wants you out of his life. He tried to tell you gently, it seems. Besides, he has proven that he cannot be trusted and that he is immature. Why would you want to date, let alone marry somebody like that?
I almost wouldn't be surprised if he and his wife have a decent relationship, that they are in good terms. He just likes having a little something on the side. I agree with him in that you do deserve someone better.
2007-09-03 00:15:21 · answer #2 · answered by Vegan_Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OK, first of all he is MARRIED. He WANTS you to leave him alone because he is probably working it out with his wife. Yes you deserve better that someones left overs. Anyone who has been married for any length of time will have times when they are not on 'good terms'. That is part of being married. Your man is only suffering because if his wife finds out about you she will divorce him.
So if you really want him, call his wife. He will divorce and can be with you. Believe me this will get the ball rolling.
2007-09-03 00:11:28 · answer #3 · answered by luteachris 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I hope I'm wrong but he is just tagging you along
The odds that he will leave his wife to be with you are very slim. I had a friend go through something like this, the man was a con artist
He is right on one part, you do deserve better. Someone who wants to have an honest relationship with you and make you his wife. It's not up to you to change his mind he is a grown man and you should want more for yourself. You lived without him before and as hard as it seems you will live without him again.
Keep your dignity and pride and move on, he doesn't seem worth it
2007-09-03 00:11:19 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may not want to hear what I am going to say. But, I have seen this to many times before. If you get into a relationship with someone who if married, and they leave their spouse for you, there is a high possibility they would do the same to you. You may never fully trust them because of that. He wants you to drop it, please respect that. Think of how you would feel if you were the wife in this situation. Back off, as hard as it is, and if they truly split and he comes looking for you, start from there. Give him a chance to focus on what he really wants. You don't want to end up as just a "rebound" do you?
2007-09-03 00:13:56 · answer #5 · answered by onbach 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
what he is saying is that he will not be divorcing her for u, and wants u to consider moving on and getting a life. u only know what he is telling u about his marriage u don't really know the truth. u can't change anyone's mind, and never should have been in a relationship with a man who was already taken. but if he would cheat on her he will cheat on u eventually and find the same faults with u as he finds with her now, be careful of him, he is hurting u and her and deceiving u both.
2007-09-03 00:16:33 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop being a home wrecker. Sorry to put it bluntly. He is obviously not "in love" with you. He may lust after you though. There is a difference in being "loved and being In love" He not "in love" with you. He may have fallen for you on the rebound of his marriage, but he is not wanting to let go of a good thing he has somewhere in his currant marriage. If he divorces or his wife divorces him, it would be by thier choice to do so. If they try to work things out, dont interfere with that. Leave it be. I dont think you can convience him. Move on with your life. Let him go. Meet other men that are not married or in currant relationships.
2007-09-03 00:52:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is truly getting a divorce it all sounds a bit odd, watch you are not being strung along, it all sounds so familiar 'he loves you-you deserve better- he does'nt want to be selfish. Tell me the old old story.
2007-09-03 00:17:02 · answer #8 · answered by joe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to tell you this, but he is not going to leave his wife. Married men hardly ever leave their wives for another woman. Think about another thing. Would you want to be with a man that is willing to leave his marriage for another woman? If he can do it to her he can do it to you. Never ever get involved with a married person to begin with. The best thing you can do is walk away from him.
2007-09-03 01:32:21 · answer #9 · answered by Joan G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he has obvioulsy USED you as his personal play toy behind his wife's back and now he sees you have gotten attached and he is breaking it off! Walk away ! You both did wrong, he is staying with his wife and chances are he will probably find a new mistress to mess around with, one that isn't so clingy. Learn from your mistake and don't mess around with a married man! I
2007-09-03 00:11:36 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋