Nearly Ned Flanders, my husband is a hard working, honest, faithful man. He is dedicated to our family, free of vices, he spends his non-working time with us. We have an open, loving relationship. He has an addiction to 'hiding' run of the mill porn. He stupidly 'hides' it in his work bag (get fired if found) I don't have any problem with porn. We have our stash that is hidden, inaccessible to our kids. We respect each others right to pleasure ourselves and don't take it personally. I don't mind that he has porn, just that he hides it. I wouldn't mind if he said 'I want this secret stash and I promise to hide it here inaccessible to the kids'. I just hate secrets and I hate when the person I am most intimate with hides/lies about something so stupid. He is not a sex perv, he knows his likes/needs I don't know why he cant talk to me about it. I survived molest and overcome my own intimacy issues. I have threatened to leave, he has seen a dr, it still resurfaces.
2007-09-02 19:44:52 · 6 answers · asked by sickofkira 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Hmm... the porn should not be an issue.
Hiding it in the work-bag, although not wise, is probably the only way he can feel "sneaky" about it... which is the thrill for him... it's private and dirty...
Don't get jealous of the porn... it has nothing to do with how much he loves you - I promise.
It's far better for him to enjoy porn than to feel stifled and controlled... You will emerge as the much better option than all those sleezy chicks at the end of the day... he couldn't even remember what they look like.
I know it's different for women - their sex organs are wired to their heart - but for men, theirs are on auto-pilot.
2007-09-02 20:29:13 · answer #1 · answered by rabble rouser 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
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2016-07-17 06:38:21 · answer #2 · answered by Kirby 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kiny, go to chat and leave people in here who need assistance alone...ugh Stop being an immature piece of crap!
Ok well, it concerned me that you mention Ned Flanders.... He is a really UPTIGHT character! So, repressed that opening up would give him a mental hemmorage....so the fact that you psychologically compare your husband to him is a concern.
I think your husband is feeling a little more perverted than you think he is. I think you believe he is comfortable, but he is not. Something is repressed and needs uncorking.
All I can suggest is counseling, but I have to tell you, the way he is acting, don't hold your breath on that.
What creeps me out is what he is really hiding??
2007-09-02 20:32:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it could possibly be the fact that despite your closeness and openess your husband is still an individual. and keeping his own stash lets him feel a little independent. you are also sending mixed messages. either you care or you don't. I understand your argument completely. however if it is something that is dificult for him to talk about then i wouldn't press the issue. you may be embarrasing him as well. there are just too many factors in play here. I am jsut giving you a possibililty, and honestly from the sounds of it you should consider yourself lucky to have such a guy
2007-09-02 20:02:31 · answer #4 · answered by squidbilly83 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have before you a grave decision that needs to be made. Secrets kill. Deception is the worst of all. Trust is everything. If you don't have it know, you won't in the future. Sorry dear. This sucks big time.
2007-09-02 19:58:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think THAT'S bad, let me tell you something about my ex-husband. (Yes, "ex"...we were married for ten years, together for 15, and porn was one big factor of our divorce. It wasn't the only one, but it did play a part.) Like you, I'm no prude. I understand the need for self-pleasure at times. But my ex was so into porn that he hid it in places you would not even believe anyone would think of. It was literally everywhere...our home, our garage, our vehicles...everywhere. I found porn inside the the leaf bag of our lawnmower. I found porn underneath the spare tire hidden in the tirewell in the back of our van. I found porn magazines with false covers (covers taken off of "normal magazines" like "Sunset") that he had taken a hot-glue gun and glued on top of the porn magazines to fashion "new, benign-looking" covers for them...all so he could leave these out in readily-accessible places. I found porn hidden in a secret compartment that he had built into a cabinet in our garage. I found boxes of porn magazines hidden under insulation in our attic. I found a locked metal box that inside contained porn videos, hidden in my house as well. I found clipped porn pictures taped behind mirrors in our bathroom. (Nope, I'm truly not making any of this up!) Too many places to mention here, and all of them equally bizarre.
I've seen a few marriages literally destroyed by porn addiction. And that's what it is, an addiction. My ex wouldn't get help. He'd promise to stop hiding porn everywhere, and never seemed to be able to follow through. He just found new ways to hide it. Eventually, it really developed into a trust issue between us...I couldn't trust him. Somewhere along the line, he got so addicted to porn that he couldn't give it up, and spent more and more of his time with his fantasies instead of the reality he had standing before him (me). It really hurt me. I'm not an unattractive woman- but I started to feel like one. I started to wonder what I had done to cause him to want to pleasure himself with magazines more than he wanted to be sexually intimate with me. The more he hid things from me, the more he lied, the worse things got between us. By the time we divorced, I was certain that I was fat, ugly, sexually unattractive, and that no man would ever want me. The tragic thing is, I really believed this. Then I got myself into counseling, with a therapist who helped me to understand that my ex husband had a severe addiction to porn. It wasn't me. It was him. I'm happy to tell you that I've had no problems since our divorce with "attracting men"...I have my self-confidence back. I no longer see myself the way his addiction made me feel. If I were you, I'd seek help...you may not be able to get him to come with you, or to change. But you can get help for yourself. You're not alone....it's not you. This kind of addiction can tear apart relationships but you don't have to let it tear apart who you are. The problem is his.
Good luck to you!
2007-09-02 20:15:03 · answer #6 · answered by It's Ms. Fusion if you're Nasty! 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋