Who is right? Me or my husband?

Question

My husband just told me today that when his friend gets married he is going to attend the wedding along. He said the ticket price to fly is $1,100.00 and since I don't know his friend that well he just wants to go alone. The thing is I do know his friend, maybe not as good as him but he was my husbands roommate for a year that we dated. He was also in our wedding 3 years ago. I feel so hurt knowing that my husband does not want me to go with him. I feel like husbands should bring there wifes to wedding no matter how well they know the person getting married. Do you think my husband is justified for saying he is going alone?

We live overseas his friend in in cali.

He is not cheating, if anything its a money issue. He can be cheep.

We can afford both tickets.

Answer 1

You either both go or none go.

Answer 2

I would be very upset if I were you. You are a couple and you should be together there. Tell him to look into cheap tickets. There are many smaller planes and good deals out there if you look on places like orbitz.com and search for other deals. Cheap or not....it is just wrong. I hope he isn't cheating for your sake. I would wonder, besides the cost of the ticket, why he wouldn't want you to be by his side. If his friend was in your wedding, then it's only fair that you be included too. Sit down and tell him your feelings about this right away when there's a quiet moment..but hurry. Just for the heck of it, ask him if you could go to a concert, wedding or even go to a night club alone or with a girlfriend. See what he says about that, but say it casually and not at the same time you talk about this wedding, I am betting that if he really loves you enough and is faithful, he would not want you to go alone without him. Just don't make it sound like a "get even " type of thing. Good luck and hope you go.

Answer 3

You are right you are a couple. Even if you never met the guy before in your life you are his wife, he should want to take you and show you off. The price of the ticket should not matter if it is going to put you in financial straits then he should not go either you both should just send them a wonderful gift. He is very crass for not considering your feelings on this one maybe he just thinks he will be able to catch up with his old friend but when will he have time for that I would assume after the wedding they are going on a honeymoon and during the wedding they will be entertaining their guests not just him so, unless maybe hes going ahead of time to a batchlor party or something why would he want to go alone? Does not make much sense. Hes making excuses for a reason call him on it. Did you guys get an invitation to a wedding? He does not have another woman somewhere by chance? My mind is wandering now. But anyway talk to him and find out. Hopefully all goes well for you.

Answer 4

I think a couple should attend such events as much as possible.

However, there may be concerns that your husband may not be relating well as to why he should go alone.

Firstly, the airfare may only be the tip of the ice berg. Maybe he is able to put up with his friend at his place as a single person and to save cost? Maybe there are some catching up between the guys and he doesnt want to leave you behind if you are there but would be different if you are there? Talk it out...maybe it is possible that you fly in on the day before the wedding and give him some time to catch up with his friend.

Do communicate about it more. There is nothing wrong with him attending it by himself. Especially if he knows you will be bored and thereafter wants him to be by your side the whole time, which thereby reducing the time they can catch up.

Answer 5

Are you fiancially stable enough to dish out that kind of money for an extra ticket without hurting the bills and needs of your family? If so then I don't understand why he wouldn't want you to attend. Although guys to have tradtions before weddings such as the bachelor party but Im sure you would stay at the motel while he did that. Maybe he just wants some time alone. I wouldn't take it to heart everyone needs a break for everyone no matter how much you love them. I would talk to him, and find out the reason. If you guys are in love, and successful couple you know the art of communication. nothing is more important. Tell him how you feel, not bark at him no one is right or wrong. Theres no such thing in a relationship. There is only one answer, and thats the one you come up with together.

Answer 6

try not to be to upset about this and do not resent your husband for it.

let him go, tell him that you hope he has a good time and to take a lot of pictures. let him know that as time goes on you would like to meet this friend who is a big part of your husbands life. maybe even suggest that you can save up and take a vacation to where ever the friend is to meet him and his new wife.

tell him in a gentle way that you are sorry money is what's holding you back from attending his friend's wedding.

last but most important, wish his friend and his friends new spouse well in there new life together.
maybe you can arrange to make a toast during the wedding by phone through your husband.

assure your husband that you mean well but are disappointed and feel left out.

Answer 7

In general, you're right. Once you are married, you are considered a package deal and events, especially weddings.

There are exceptions though. Some weddings are VERY strict on the headcount for budget or decorum reasons. When this is the case, some people have been known to invite only one person from a couple if they are very close with one and don't know the other. Having said that, the manly thing for him do do if this were the case with the invitation is to decline since no real man would leave his wife behind.

It sounds in your case more that your hubby just wants to hit the town and party with hid buddies without you around.

Answer 8

I am going to make two comments that seem contradictory:

1. you are right, you should both go as a couple if you can afford it & if you cannot then he should stay home too

2. you should let him go on his own anyway, and encourage him to have a good time and tell him that he owes you one

Believe me, this is how you make marriage work. And if you are always the one giving things up, and he never pays off when he owes you? Then you may have married the wrong guy.

But it might pay off big time because he may realixe that he doesn't enjoy it without you there, or he may realize that being selfish and insisting on going alone was not worth the grief he caused.

Here is a lesson that I have learned: think in terms not of what is best for you or best for him, but what is best for your marriage. Sometimes you have to take one for the team. If he learns that too then you will have strong marriage for the long term.

Answer 9

U r right. U should go with him unless he has a hidden agenda. Not to say this is the case but seems fishy. My wife would freak out on me if it were us. However she would go becuz I would feel bad if she didn't. If he is afraid of the price have him shop around more for fares. That seems awful high for the ticket, but I do not know where u guys r flying from. Also is this a childhood friend he grew up with? If so r there going to be other friends from back in the day (especially women)? Well anyways good luck and hope it works out but in my opinion u r right.

Answer 10

Wait a minute people. Back up. When the friend gets married? Ok. So we don't have an actual invitation yet. When we do whoever it's addressed to will be expected to attend. If his friend only addresses it to her husband and not both of them then that's a different story.

Do you have an invitation already?

If you do and it's addressed to both of you something isn't right here. However that's an awful lot of money to spend on a ticket. : (

After my husband and I were married (all our friends from everywhere attended) a couple years later one of his friends who was in our wedding party got married. My husband was in their wedding but it was out of state. So I stayed home because we couldn't afford two tickets. : (

I think there's more going on than the question at hand. Something deeper may be affecting your relationship.

Answer 11

Can you afford buying two tickets? Maybe he is trying to be reasonable for not spending so much money. However, if he makes a decision on his own, he is being a little bit inconsiderate. You should sit him down and talk about it. Tell him that you feel hurt that he is making a decision without you. The decision should be mutual but if you decide that only he should go, then it's okay. It is a lot of money (including the fare price, outfit, and the gift), not everyone can afford it, and his roommate would not be surprised if only your husband showed up.