why do i am so angry at stepdaughter?

Question

my husband's daughter is rude and demanding with my husband she is thirteen yrs old and blames me for notspending time with him I don't think is about time with him is the fact that he's now married to me and doesn't get the money that he used to spend on only her I am pregnant and we just can't provide the life style she wasb used to. yesterday she said she was going to kill herself and that she hates him . my husband cried on my shoulder and was all sad all day.today she is been all nice like nothing happen and he is ok with that he talks to her too. I am in the middle I am upset at her for hurting my husband how cani put on a happpy face at her after what she done

Answer 1

Its really hard when its dealing with someone else's kids. There will be times when you will know a better way of doing something, or know something should have been dealt with differently. But there is nothing you can really do. You just have to kind of grin and bear. Unless they tell you they need your help with a siutaion. But you know when you do help and it makes the child unhappy, the child will make it known to you that your not thier parent, and will be mad at you, and show some anger towards you. She's a 13 year old girl she is going through alot, and learning alot about life. The main thing you can do is be a role model, and show her the right things to do without telling her, but showing her in how you live your life. You both being women she will look up to you, and youwon't help her calm down any If your running around screaming and acting crazy yourself. A child picks up on everything around them. So If you run around raising your voice acting a fool, so will they. And they will not take you serious. They will pick up you yell about everything, so when your really mad they wont know, they figure you yell about everything. So just be her friend, and watch what you do and say. And know matter how bad her behavior, smile and be nice to her. Show her how a lady Acts, and teach her about life as a woman. Your gonna be ok, know one knows all the answers with children,but you have to be careful young minds are easily destoyed, a mental issue with a child is so easily brought on by one or two mistakes you may make. Hopefully its not to late, I doubt it though.

Answer 2

She is a child and needs her dad. You came into the picture and you're having a baby. She needs help and time to accept this. You have to be the adult and remember that she is only 13. Being a teenager is hard enough without the added stress from a new stepmom and stepsister or brother. You should help her by talking to her and treating her like she was your own child. That's what people have to do when they marry people that have kids. If not, there will never be peace. His daughter has to come first.

Answer 3

You are supposed to be acting like the adult here. What is wrong with you. Children need understanding, not pouting from a step mother. She is a child, and may be experiencing moodiness from being in puberty. I have news for you, He kids will always come before you. You had better jump on the bandwagon, or you will be left in the cold. That is his blood, and you signed up for a package deal when you married him. If you want to do something good, suggest that he get a therapist to help her deal with the emotional confusion that teenagers experience.

Answer 4

you and your husband needs to realize that she is an immature child and treat her as such. Your husband should sit down with her and explain that you are now a part of the family, he expects her to treat you with some respect and that there isnt going to be the lifestyle she may have been used to.
explain also that threats of hurting herself or anyone else will get her locked up in a mental hospital for evaluation , that you wont tolerate any nonsense or hystarics with a new baby coming.

It would be good to know whats happened with the girls mother. Dead or divorced, visitation or what ?

Answer 5

hello ortega's wife,
I know exactly what you're going through, my husband also has a child and i find myself being angry at him too. He is stubborn and rude and never listens to anything i say, so this is what i did. your step daughter might be angry that your are the new woman in his life and since you're pregnant she feels replaced, so talk to her. She is old enought to understand that you care about her dad and that you hate to see him sad for the things that she says....let her know that she is very special to you and that all you want if for her and you to get along with each other. Let her know that you're not there to replace anyone but you would appreciate her not saying things that has been hurting her daddy's feeling. Just be straight with her. My step son and i don't always get along but i let him know that regardless of what pranks he tries to pull, i'm not going anywhere, "if you respect my space i'll repect yours'

Answer 6

Why are you angry? Because she hurt your husband's feelings and is making life uncomfortable and turbulent.

You don't have to put on a happy face, but you do have to listen with your heart. And speak to her from it. Over and over again until she understands that she is an important part of your family and she will be listened to. You can tell her when she hurts your feelings as long as you are willing to listen to her when her feelings are hurt.
My teenagers will pull out the "I hate you" when they are angry, feeling out of control or scared- sometimes all at once.

On the other hand, she is 13 and wants dad to herself and has to share with not only you but the new baby to be. That is the part she is going to have to deal with. As respectfully as she can.
Stick with it and keep trying- it will be worth the effort once she sees that you are all a part of a family unit and she is welcome and loved.

Answer 7

You need to understand that she is thirteen and she will not understand the her fathers situation. You shouldn't get mad at her she is a spoil little girl. You should get mad at the father (your husband), he is the one who spoiled her. Now he needs to put his foot down and take care of the situation with her daughter. He needs to talk to her and let her know that things are not the same and she needs to understand and respect, because the father is not alone anymore.

You should step aside and let the father handle the situation because its his daughter.

Tell your husband he needs to handle the situation with her daughter now because if he doesn't when you have your child things will get worst.

Answer 8

your first mistake is dismissing how she feels - if she says she feels you have intruded on her time with her dad - then you have no reason not to believe her...your assumption that it is about his money is rediculous, and callous of you.

Children act out when they want attention - even if it is negative attention, it is still attention - so when she said she wants to be with her dad - she means it.

You should be encouraging her to spend special time with him, not holding her accountable like an adult for her lashing out.

You are about to have a baby, she is scared that her father is going to love the new baby more than her - she feels threatened. She is afraid that you and the baby are going to mean more to him than she is...

Show the poor kid some compassion - it is hard enough to be a child of divorce as it is.

Answer 9

Obviously this child has never had any discipline and that is her FATHER'S fault not her's. Quit blaming the child for her father creating the problem in the first place. HE needs to grow a back bone and stand up to her. She needs rules and needs to abide by the rules.

Answer 10

I think you guys need to get more open, more honest and listen to the kid. She is only a child. She has raging hormones and all kinds of stress to deal with that isn't of her making. Cut the kid some slack and make her feel important. Money isn't the issue. Feeling unwanted is.