how do i learn to stop being so selfish?

Question

i tend to be a little selfish sometimes..
even though i dont want to be, i just am. ):

and i even did volunteer work recently (added up to 20hrs)!

volunteer work - at a retirement home
i also do chores, because i have to.
blah.

Answer 1

Every other time that you get something give it to someone else. Really if you get a cd one day keep it, then you get a teddy bear or something find someone to give it too. Giving is the only way to take control of your wanting. It will make you think you deserve your stuff, and maybe you will deserve (not meant as an insult) your stuff. It will help you break the importance on materialistic things. I am not talking about if you get a new 200 dollar cell phone or anything, just little things.

Answer 2

Your a human being... We're all selfish - its just the way we are. Most people go through life never discovering they are selfish but some (like you) realize it and try to do something about it. So your a step ahead of most people... There is really no way to "Fix" it since it comes naturally, you can ether choose to ignore it and do nothing about it or force yourself to change. Here is a loophole - If YOU really want to change you can do it. How? Do what your best at - be selfish. Change for yourself and not for anyone else. Every decision you make think twice about it and try to view it from a completely neutral point of view.

It's definitely not going to be easy and you'll struggle with it for the rest of your life... Good luck!

Answer 3

We can all be selfish. Don't be so hard on yourself.

Try to start, by doing something for someone else, everyday, that will take you away from 'your world'. A phone call to an elderly person, write a card to an old friend, or just go to the Mall and help some people carry parcels to their car.

Take out the garbage, wash the dishes. You will get there.

The biggest thing about us being selfish, is that we hate doing thing for other people, is that it intrudes on our time.

Answer 4

it's not about doing vonlunteer work, its about "wanting" to do good for others and never putting yourself first. If you feel that you have a problem and think that you are doing good by volunteering, this is not any better. Do you feel that your volunteering is actually benefiting other people. Or do you do this as a way of saying I am sorry for being selfish, please forgive me.

Answer 5

True Self-ishness always leads to joy, because it is motivated always by
the desire to feel as good as possible. It is only when we are Self-ish
enough to be, do and act in accordance with our desires (not someone
else’s) that it is possible to stay balanced. Energetically speaking, a
desire is a rush of life force energy, a connection to the divine inner
self, which can never result in actions that are harmful. It is only
when true desires are blocked that they become twisted and ugly. This
statement goes against the common wisdom that human nature is greedy,
violent and primitive. Human nature is precisely the opposite: we are
born knowing ourselves as powerful, eternal, spiritual beings. Petty,
competitive, churlish and violent behavior must be
overcome with suitable practice. Observe your family, friends
and coworkers. Almost all of them are good people, trying to do the best
they can. It would simply not be possible to build a sophisticated
society if human nature was so base. All successful societies are based
upon cooperation, not competition. Competition works not because it is
adversarial, but because it inspires teamwork. Ask two angry guys to get
something constructive done, it is not going to happen. All
success is based upon cooperation. That is because we live in an
attraction based universe.

These natural impulses are supposed to be dangerous because they stem
from a primitive survival instinct. But human being has a bette mind
than animals. Just look around at the mess the world is in! But that is
a delusional assertion, a denial of the basic nature of consciousness
itself. The natural impulses of human nature stem from a connection to
life force, and it is resistance to this divine impulse which causes the
selfish behavior people object to.

If you observe people you will quickly see that those persons who are
most alive are full of desire, and those who look lifeless have little
or no desire. Desire = life force. Shut off desire = selfish behavior.
It's ironic that selfish behavior actually results from self-denial.

Human nature is not a primitive, biological instinct based on survival
of the fittest, it’s a pure connection to source energy. It is divine.
It's only when that connection is closed off that selfish behavior is
demonstrated. Every one of your desires is, in its non-resisted state,
joyful and balanced, because that is an inherent property of
consciousness itself. True selfishness is allowance of desire, without
resistance, and results in the impulse to give freely to others. But it
is first necessary to allow that impulse within yourself.

http://kjmaclean.com/Selfishness.html

Answer 6

I also have a tendency to be selfish. Usually, I do it through conversation. I will inadvertently brag about myself. Then right after I do it, I realize that it didn't help people to like me.

Anyway, what I have found to be very true is that...

Its not how you make people feel about you that determines if they are going to like you.
What IS important is how you make the people feel about themselves.

In a practical way, I find its best in conversation, to talk about what the other person wants to talk about, and to just participate in the conversation so that it helps them to thoroughly speak their thoughts/feelings.

If you do this, the other will enjoy your company, and you get to see them smile.

Answer 7

you didn't say what kind of volunteer work you did.

I suggest you work in a hospital along the patients (delivering soft drinks, newspapers, etc.) and observe the empathy people are using with their loved ones. You can only learn empathy and assisting others by tuning into them and watching how others do it.

Answer 8

My grandfather was a very wise man, he once told me this about when we become too selfish, you can try it too.

"Speak with your ears, see with your mouth and hear with your eyes."

It means that selfishness is usually born in our conversations with others where we will not let anyone be the focus of attention, but ourselves. By speaking with your ears, it means that you won't be talking when someone else is, instead you will be listening. Try it out sometime.

Answer 9

i suggest you start cleaning up your act. just doing volunteer doesn't do anything, it's not "i have" to volunteer, it's a willing thing. do something good besides volunteering, be nice and stop asking for everything. learn to accept. learn to respect. learn to care.

Answer 10

Continue with that volunteer work perhaps. That was good.