hi everyone,
I've been married for over 3 years now. I married the guy for the wrong reasons. (married him because i told everyone here that im going to europe to get married..when i got there i didnt really like him, got married and i think i kinda fell in love with him).
He came to canada and things started to change. His attitude wasnt the same. love making was once in a blue moon. after w few months i fell into temptation and cheated on him. i was very honest and told him anyway. i cheated on him because i didnt feel like he loved me like he use to and sex was not an option often. im the only person his ever slept with so thats kinda special but hard at the same time.
Currently we have a 1 yr old child. Havent made love in a long time and im afraid of cheating on him again. I have told him this and his not doing anything about it. dont want to get a divorce because of the baby ...but i want to be happy WHAT DO I DO. we argue often..and tried councelling.
2007-09-02 17:26:19 · 18 answers · asked by isabella S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
its hard to separate when their is a child involved specially his only 1 year old now. If i were to get an apartmetn it would be on a 1 year lease. I really want this marriage to work but i dotn see a light at the end of the tunnel for us.
2007-09-02 17:33:29 · update #1
Did you put this man first and formost in your life?.....You are responsible for what happens to your life, no one else is...Do you want a happy marriage?......then do the work.........Do you want a happy family?....then do the work........life doesn't just happen you have to make it.......Be happy it is a choice. Your child needs a father, let him be a father! Quit looking outside the home for happiness!! Be strong!!......its that simple!!
2007-09-03 04:24:50 · answer #1 · answered by ask me a 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You already know the answer.It is important for your child to have a stable home.If that means stability is just mother and child,that is better than keeping a hopeless marriage together for "the sake of the child".There are plenty of single mothers that raise their children without the father living under the same roof.It sounds to me like you made a terrible mistake regarding marriage.Don't torture yourself,but don't do anything stupid like cheat on him again.He already has the upper hand in divorce court because of your admitted adultery.You have to ask this man for a divorce and hope he is agreeable,and will not use your affair against you in the divorce proceedings. The main focus has to be the child and who will be the best parent to take custody.At the moment you will have an uphill battle in a custody suit because of your cheating.Better find a good divorce lawyer.
2007-09-03 00:57:30 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to really examine your behavior, it seem you may have caused your problem. It may be showing up in your attitude. If this was someone you really wanted, what would you do to make your marriage more interesting. What does hes like doing? What do your like doing? If you want to have sex with your husband then make it happen, Women hold the power. A poor attitude is a turnoff. Your cheating did not help. You have dug a hole. It takes two to have to great marriage or a bad marriage. Go out on dates with out the little one if possible and enjoy your family. It is easy for women to get men in the mood. Be creative and hang out with your husband from time to time. You got off to a bad start, you can remain consistently negative or give it a real try.
2007-09-03 00:42:27 · answer #3 · answered by iqbsrob 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy way out - either you stay and put all you have into your marriage and work hard at making it work, or you file for divorce.
And do Not use your child as an excuse to stay - if neither you nor your husband are happy, your child will pick up on that. Do you really want to raise your child in an unhappy home?
Seek counseling as an individual, and as a couple - Seriously, if it doesn't work, you need to let go and move on.
Best Wishes
2007-09-03 01:36:46 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Ariana 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, three years and that's a pretty good run. Don't you dare give up, you have a kid! Marriages can be made to be so much more satisfying with just a little effort. It does take three: you, the hubby, and the therapist. Things will get better fast - maybe even better than you ever imagined. Don't do nothing, or rely on the advice of a girlfriend. You need a pro, get it? A PRO! And your marriage is worth that, right? Of course it is! Cheer up, it'll be OK...
2007-09-03 00:40:47 · answer #5 · answered by GENE 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't want to play God or get involved int he drama that is your current life. You've done wrong in cheating and marrying for the reasons that you did, but in trying to stay with him for the sake of your child you are doing what good mothers do. I think though, and PLEASE don't make a decision based on the opinions of some online yahoo users, that a divorce now to save your child from seeing his/her parents split up when he/she is older or from seeing you guys fight all the time, is a better thing to do than drag out something that was doomed from the start. It's arare, but this time, adivorce is, I THINK, the right thing to do for everybody.
2007-09-03 00:36:30 · answer #6 · answered by First of the Gang to Die 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Somethings may seem fuzzy right now. Of course most women get kind of impatient when it comes to the results of how our marriage is going to turn out. Personally my opinion about your feelings of cheating on him again might need to come to his attention because it is clear that you are lacking the attention that you want from you husband. When men get married they have a tendency to get too comfortable and before they can blink women are already seeking attention from a guy that is willing to give it to her. If you love your husband and you want it to work, hang in there. Try to do something in the time that you are thinking about cheating on you husband and do the things that you gains your interest (besides attention from men). If you know that you have done all you can to make the relationship work, and he is not meeting you half-way then try to figure what you guys can do as far as it goes to benefit your child because you would have to be on good term with him as well because tension around your child can cause mental damage to the child. I think you should hang in there and try to make things work out. You can do it. There is always a bigger person in the relationship. And to me you have proven to be that just by telling him the true. Hang in there.
2007-09-03 01:04:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you cheating on him is unacceptable. You guys are married and marriage is a promise. Breaking the promise by either side should also come to a legal end.
I would strongly recommend you talk to your husband looking into his eyes and try to work things out. If you do not trust yourself
in that you might cheat on him again, dont wait a second and get divorced...
Good luck
2007-09-03 00:33:25 · answer #8 · answered by Economist 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Cheating is not about sex. Wierd? Think about it. Cheating will make you feel guilty, used, lonelier, like a trader and could get u hurt or sick. It will hurt your kid if he/she ever finds out. It will break up your marriage and hurt the guy who loves you. Why do it? If you are sure as you say that you married the wrong guy. Get iot over with legally and get on with your life in an honest and true to yourself way.
2007-09-03 00:35:28 · answer #9 · answered by GiGi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try harder. If you are looking for a magic answer, there is none. My ex did this to me, so I apologize in advance if my answer is terse. If you want happiness, MAKE happiness.
Life is sink or swim. You have a choice. Keeping him around because of a child will make all three of you unhappy. As far as the cheating goes, you should already be on the curb. You have NO idea about the pain you've caused. It goes WAY beyond what he can describe.
You asked.
2007-09-03 00:33:14 · answer #10 · answered by Whynot 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋