I recently left my husband of 7 years because I heard him talking intimately to another woman over his phone. He claims that they have only been flirting but won't let me talk to her. I just think that if he was innocent he would do anything to regain my trust, but he is still being very secretive. We have a 6 year old son together, and I just don't want to be making the biggest mistake of our lives. Should I call her? Please help.
2007-09-02 17:23:55 · 27 answers · asked by Monique 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Thank you all for your viewpoints and support. I finally decided to go through a trial separation while we go to a family counselor. And, I decided not to call the other woman.
2007-09-03 10:27:06 · update #1
Do not call her. She doesn't owe you any explanations as much as it might feel like she's intruding in your marriage. She might not even know you exist or could have been fed the "my wife just doesn't understand me/the marriage is basically over I'm just staying for our son" speech and thought you two were already splitting up. If you want to reconcile with your husband do so because you believe he can be honest with you and you love him.
2007-09-02 17:36:23 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 0⤊ 4⤋
A married man should not be flirting on the phone with someone else. If he is flirting, then he is at least interested in her. Tell your husband that you will not tolerate another woman and he should think about what he is doing to his son by breaking up the marriage. Under no circumstance should you tolerate your husband's flirtatious (or intimate) behavior with other women.
2007-09-02 17:38:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 4⤊ 1⤋
No dont call her and yes you did the right leaving , your son will be fine as long as he knows you love him and his daddy loves him , both of you need to put him 1st , no mind game's or power playing game's , no using him as a pawn to get revenge through pain.
He doesnt want you speaking to her because all the lies he told her about you will surface and he'll know he's done for.Just stay away .
The fact he still being secretive and not appologising or being honest with you and trying to make it up to you shows how important this other woman is I am sorry your going through this I just ended my marriage for the same reason , he cheated emotionally over the phone , text messages , im's and email's and physically with this woman I couldnt take anymore.
2007-09-02 17:41:12 · answer #3 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
He shouldn’t be talking to another woman unless you are all friends. What is his problem? I personally would call her only because my feelings would be hurt and I would want answers. But you’re a lot stronger then I would be if you don’t. I’m sorry that you are married to man that is only thinking about himself and not your six year old child. If this is a pattern I would leave now. If this is the first time then I would seek professional help before it is too late. God Bless You!
2007-09-02 17:45:15 · answer #4 · answered by jnnfchar 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If he's flirting with another woman then there is a problem in your relationship and he's looking for something on the side. It could be sex, conversation, admiration, whatever. The point is that he's looking.
IF he's willing to go to couples' counseling so the two of you can resolve your issues then you should consider returning to him AFTER you have progressed in counseling.
If he's not, well then you shouldn't stay with any man who can't be honest and faithful.
You could call this woman and let her know he's married and you have a child together and you're trying to fix your relationship and she needs to back off for the sake of the child. She may not even know he's married at this point.
2007-09-02 17:32:40 · answer #5 · answered by wld_jkr 4 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Calling her really won't do any good, even though it would give you a piece of mind, and you will probably say a lot of things to get them off your chest. I think by leaving your husband you did the right thing. He is married and shouldn't be talking that way to another woman. Everyone flirts, its natural, but to keep it a secret, I'd say there is more going on. Good luck to you! Keep your chin up :)
2007-09-02 17:29:45 · answer #6 · answered by You can do it!! 2 · 6⤊ 1⤋
first let me say im sorry to hear you say that. it sucks when you feel like you've wasted the last 7 years of your life with his lame a**. obviously he doesn't care about your relationship otherwise he would have gave you the number in hopes of you not divorcing him for making the biggest mistake of his life. losing his wife and child. yes im sure you do need to call her. either she didn't know he was married and needs to know that right now she's ruining a home, or she does and dont care. either way you need to know if they've been intimate, if they plan on getting personal or what?
2007-09-02 17:49:38 · answer #7 · answered by Chocolate_Tai_69 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I agree with the person above. ^^^^^^^^^^^^
But, I would call her and get the story strait. But don't say "my husband says you were only flirting" because she might be like "Uhh. yeah that's it!!! Flirting, ONLY!" just rationally talk to her. BUT first, try and talk to you husband some more and try to get him to open up first. If that doesn't work out well then call the woman. You say you left him, did you take your son with you? If so, I would stay "not with him" until this is all settled, if you didn't take your son then I would go back, either to get him or to stay. But, some questions to ask yourself: Do you want to be with him still, even if he was doing more than flirting? Do you still want to be with him even if he was only flirting?? Do you think your marriage could recover from whatever results calling this woman could have (such as your husband getting extremely mad at you, or you finding out he was really doing more)? Do you think your son would be able to handle it (is he really close to his father? is he mature enough to handle such a big change?) etc. try to think about things as much as you can from all different points of view so that you can see the situation better and know how to appropriately act. I hope this helps a little.
I disagree with the person above about the "anything to save the marriage for the kid" it's harder on the kid to grow up in a household with a strained marriage than to grow up with divorced parents (and possibly one or 2 couples who's marriages are not strained) But, if you think your marriage will not be strained if you can make it work still, then by ALL means try to.
2007-09-02 17:35:44 · answer #8 · answered by C.A.S. 5 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Ask yourself these questions: Why would a husband happy in his relationship need or want to flirt with another woman? Is it a mistake to go on with your life or is it a mistake to try to hang on to something that is no longer there? If this marriage can be saved, will it be saved by your crawling back and letting him flirt with other women? Or will it be saved by you making him accountable for his part in your relationship? Further, do you want your son to think it is okay to treat women/wives with the kind of disrespect your husband is showing you?
2007-09-02 17:32:04 · answer #9 · answered by Rider-Writer 2 · 4⤊ 2⤋
In the end it's all up to you and what you want. Trust once it's lost is never really regained. Your always going to be 'looking' for him to mess up now. Better your eyes are open though so you can see the signs. If he's being secretive and your insecure about it all, maybe it is time to take a break... have a bit of a seperation and see how it goes. If it's ment to be it will be.
2007-09-02 17:31:16 · answer #10 · answered by Kellisue 2 · 0⤊ 3⤋
You deserve the truth. He should as you say "bend over backwards to regain your trust" If it comes to a point where he continues to dissuade you from learning EVERYTHING. Then that is a red flag and you will always wonder. It WILL affect your relationship. There will not be 100% trust there. He cannot just apologize and expect you both to move on. You deserve to know everything. You also have every right to call her. But be ready for an evasive conversation. I feel for you.....
2007-09-02 17:27:34 · answer #11 · answered by i sharpen 6 · 2⤊ 3⤋