Is This Passive Aggressive Behavior And How Does One Address/Diffuse It?

Question

1.) They Misinterpret Your Words.
Person A: I just edited Wikipedia and it felt so powerful!
Person B: You really shouldn't vandalize Wikipedia.

2.) They Data Dump.
Person A: I'm having difficulty finding adequate health care.
Person B: No worry, I'll send you some car insurance rates.

3.) They Assume The Worst.
Person A: The only DVDs I own are my actor ex-boyfriend's.
Person B: That's a clear sign that you're not over him yet.

4.) They Don't 'Hear' You.
Person A: My brother owned this Yahoo account before me.
Person B: You lied...you're an architect; I read so in your earlier answers.

5.) They Miss The Point Completely.
Person A: I had a wonderful time camping with my dad this weekend; these times are important the older I get.

Person B: I'm sure your dad cares for you, but what good is he if you get bit by a snake and die. Maybe next year you'll be smarter when choosing a vacation spot.

HAVE YOU EVER EXPERIENCED SOMEONE LIKE THIS BEFORE?

WHAT IT IS?

HOW DO YOU MAKE IT STOP

Answer 1

I have seen this, and still see it in a particular person. He has always been abusive verbally, and is a histrionic sociopath by nature.
My family has always been good to him, and we have tolerated him for many, many years, but it is so very difficult anymore.
As we all become older, we have grown quite tired of his childish games, and we don't even communicate with him anymore, as it serves no purpose, and wastes our valuable time.
If a person has reached a certain age, and seems not to be conscious of their obvious dimentia, you certainly will not be able to sway them to seek some sort of psychological therapy, or even consider it, as they seem to have convinced themselves for whatever reasons, that they actually know virtually everything, and no person can override their self-centered sense of "It's all about me" types of behaviors.
It's wierd, and a real shame, because it is such a waste of life, and they draw others into it as well, which truly is inconsiderate, but more importantly, causes other people to lose vital portions of their lives that could be spent so much more constructively, by listening to a child, or working for some charitable cause for people who sincerely need it.
The only method I've found to deal with these types, is to not deal with them at all. They will never change, unless they themselves make a conscious decision to do so. Don't hold your breath.
I blab. Sorry.


Nad

Answer 2

Hi Lucky, This is classic passive-aggressive behavior. The behavior can be mild causing few problems or it can be severe, affecting every area of the person's life. It can be a purely reactionary to certain circumstances, or it can show up as a disorder resulting in negativity & passive resistence behaviors against any perceived authority. The latter usually is rooted in something from childhood. For whatever reason the person feels unable to express anger the more direct fashion, so he expresses it indirectly. It is also used as passive rebellion of authority. Some but not all behaviors include Always forgetting to do something asked, chronic tardy to work, negative responses to good news, & subcommunication {I hate this one}. What to do to diffuse it? Like any other personality disorder the person first must realize he has a problem. Once that happens therapy can address the anger issues that are the cause & help the person develop healthy ways to express anger. Assertiveness training at one point may be help. Also those close to the person can be of help by pointing out when the behavior is occurring so the person involved can see it. All this can only happen effectly IF the person sees there is a problem, otherwise he will just use it to add fuel to his already angry attitude. Any time a behavior is point out it should be done as non-judgementally as possible if the person is working on the issue, & this can be difficult because this behavior has an effect of anger in others. You can Google passive-aggressive behavior for a lot of info. Good luck, I hope this was helpful.

Answer 3

I wouldn't consider this passive aggressive at all. I do wonder why you would ask how to make it stop. Even if you could, why invest your time considering, or asking for a strategy? I mean, honestly, why bother to analyze? B isn't contributing anything positive to A. A doesn't have to continue communicating (as far as I know). Is this on line??
1. "They misinterpret your words"
Not misinterpretation, critical & dictatorial
2. "They Data Dump"
Not listening or intentionally being ambiguous
3. "They Assume The Worst"
Presumptuous speculation or "puffing"
4. "They Don't 'hear' You"
They heard; accusatory
5. "They Miss The Point Completely"
Not at all; demeaning your pleasure, negative & critical

It almost seems that at the root of these rather disparate responses is someone who is basically defensive, & with ambiguity, but mostly "putting you down," is trying to maintain authority. Does what, & how really matter?

I respectfully disagree with the answer posted just before me. A great deal of assumption & speculation has been made about B. Also, my priority is an uncomplicated solution to the question, not a psychoanalysis of B.

Edit: Rec'd email--not allowed to respond..??

Answer 4

Person B seems to have some control issues. It would be understandable if you had already spent half an hour talking about the camping trip with your dad. However, it seems like they are immediately trying to steer the conversation, to control it in a very negative way.
I don't know how much Person A cares about maintaining good relations with Person B, and I would be inclined to pull back from the relationship if it were not important. Otherwise, that person could try a few "reality checks": "I'm sorry. I don't think you understood me. What did I just tell you? Was I telling you something about snakes, or did I tell you that it's important for me to find time with my dad and that we had a wonderful time? Probably you don't care about that, but I'm getting a little tired of your efforts to try to control every aspect of our conversations. Do you think I don't know what I'm doing? Probably you think you know better what I feel and think that I do. In your opinion, you probably know what's better for me than I do. Is that it? Just let me know, because I really don't have the time or energy to waste on such a stupid attitude. No I'm not exaggerating! I'm going to treat you exactly the way you're treating me and see if you like it even a little."

IF Person B is trying to isolate Person A from her friends and family, then it it time for Person A to run away from him as quickly as possible. This can be a very bad and dangerous sign!

Answer 5

Person sounds like a pill. But the thing is you cannot 'make it stop'. What you have to do is ignore it. Or act as if you think they are joking. Like with the first thing about Wiki. You just say.. oh ha ha, you are such a card! I thought you were being serious for a moment.. tee hee. And if they say well they were serious then you treat them like a slight slow child. Oh, well you see dear that is what Wiki is... it is open access for everyone, that is it's purpose. All the time being so sweet... like would would with a slightly 'tarded person. But if they just constantly go on an on... it seems they are trying to bait you. It may be their way of having fun. You roll your eyes and sigh. You turn away or change subject. Or you just say Oh puhleeze. But you don't engage them in an argument or try to make them change their stand.. that is what they want and if you give them the argument, you get sucked into the game they play. If at all possible, just avoid the person. They sound like a person with a real negativity problem and it can kinda wear off on you.

Answer 6

The lack of communication between you both is making things 10x's worse you need to confront him and tell him how your feeling ( open your heart to him and let it all out) it really will prove to you what type of man he is by what his reaction is if he is sympathetic then I think you may just have a few problems that can easily be solved,he could maybe have something going on that's distressing him (at work) etc.. causing him to switch off more at home? (intentionally or not).I hope everything works out but if it doesn't you should think about seeing a counsellor and don't let anyone put you down.

Answer 7

No, this isn't passive-aggressive behavior. It is quite aggressive. It is negative and nasty. I suspect this person is jealous of you.

I avoid people such as these. If you are able to do that, then I'd suggest you do. You are being subjected to very bad vibes.

If you can't avoid the person, then keep the time with them limited as much as possible. There is no point in reasoning with them, for they will just come back with another negative, aggressive remark.

Answer 8

I don't see but a hint of the passive side. If this character follows your questions around as a fan and dumps answers like this on you, then I would expect they be blocked. Really, if I gave answers like that it would not surprise me to see your account set to private or to see that I am not allowed to view your questions. I read "into" allot of questions, try to imagine the personality, the character, the (for a lack of a better word) motivation. This person sounds like a jealous sibling! Nothing positive always negative. People like that only create chaos, and sometimes they seem to like living in chaos. I have been reading allot of my wife's psychological studies lately so right now I see little normality in the general population. So forgive me if I may imply that this person is riding the fence on normality/twisted.

Answer 9

As I said, what makes you stay with this person? I don't have room to go into all the psychological details of this personality disorder, but these people will kill your spirit if you let them. Move on, or live with it. That's your choice. I know your soul search will find a treasure within you, if you are willing to dig. bless you and good luck, Lucky. peace

Answer 10

Yes it is experienced many times from many sources . At times it is frustrating. But getting discouraged or getting angry at it makes one weak.

Some times it is the Strategy of managers to buy time to tackle the issue. Sometimes it is the strategy to wear you out.

Best way to it is just Ignore and keep your health in balance.