9 years ago my husband and I got married. I was 17 he was 18. We couldn't afford rings so my mother-in-law bought us some cheap rings to wear at the wedding. For the past 2 years or so I have developed an allergy to my ring. I can't wear anything but 14 caret gold or better. I've told my husband that I would like to have a new wedding ring. Nothing expensive but something I can wear without my finger hurting. He is refusing to buy me one. It makes me mad because he never bought me one in the first place, he didn't even go to help pick them out. I picked out his and paid for it 9 years ago. But he thinks because he doesn't wear his ( due to his job ) that I shouldn't have one either. Am I being unfair by wanting one that I can wear or should I just not wear one?
2007-09-02 16:41:51 · 21 answers · asked by tenthriteen 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By the way we ( he ) does have the money to buy a ring. He would rather spend it on things he wants. I found a beautiful ring for $400.00 I wanted, he said that was way to much money. He would rather spend the money on a Playstation 3.
2007-09-02 16:44:50 · update #1
Yes, by the way I am allergic to silver. The ring I have now is silver and I can't wear it. I do not like yellow gold, so I would just like something white gold that I can wear to show I'm married. Nothing fancy, I'm just proud to be married and would like to show it off.
2007-09-02 17:14:42 · update #2
You are NOT being unreasonable, but I do not know how you can convince him that he needs to step up
2007-09-02 16:58:50 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's obviously important to you.
As for me, personally, a wedding ring is traditional, but I honestly would rather not have to wear one. They are exceedingly expensive and impractical. For the cost of a wedding ring, you could invest and pay for your child's college education someday.
However, that's the extremely UNromantic GUY perspective. To me, love is more important than a ring. A ring is meaningless without the love. And love doesn't need a ring.
But, you women have grown attached to these things, and we must respect that. So, what about a compromise? How about a non-gold ring such as a silver ring. Are you allergic to silver? And a modest gemstone for those who can afford it.
If you are concerned with the price of the ring, then it becomes an issue. What I mean is, if the ring is "too cheap" then you should marry a rich guy. But if the guy won't even buy you an elegant but affordable ring, and won't listen to you when you ask for a ring (for your birthday or anniversary even?), then perhaps the problem is indeed his.
How you handle this situation together will tell you how strong your marriage is.
It needs to be handled delicately. If you have trouble communicating, then you will probably want to work on that first.
In the end, he could end up deciding not to buy you a new ring. That kind of sounds like a jerk to me, even though I think rings are impractical, I'd still buy one for my girl if she really wanted it and she loved me and I loved her.
You're not being unreasonable unless he can't afford an expensive ring and thats the kind you want. It's not unreasonable to ask for a nice replacement ring, that looks pretty, but isn't too expensive. It should be enough that it is from him.
But if he won't even do that for you, then you have bigger problems than a ring.
2007-09-02 23:55:27 · answer #2 · answered by askthepizzaguy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would first like to start off by saying that u have been more than patient and understanding. the answer to your question is no. as a wife i think that u should have a ring regardless of if u can only wear 14 caret . i belive that u deserves a ring and i am asking that u really sit down with your husband and explain to him that u have been patient and that u would like another ring. i believe that sometimes when we talk they don't listen they just hear us to respond later. he don't have to pick it out u can if for some reason u can't afford one right away put it in the layaway but i am telling u that by the end of this week u should be going to get u a ring. my husband just brought me another ring and belive it or not i got it from kmart for under 400.00 dollars it is a 14 caret gold diamond princess cut ring. yes kmart . it is a total of one caret diamond. if i told someone else they would not belive that i brought this ring at kmart. kmart is having a 70 percent off sale of all jewerly i am not sure where u live but im sure u have heard of the store before. and i also purchase a warrenty for 19 more dollars that insures my ring for the next five years or more. good luck. i believe that u love your husband and if he really loves u and most of all value u he will understand and he will do what ever he has to do to please u. and in this case to please u is to get u that ring that u are so deserving of. please let me know the outcome of this.
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2007-09-03 00:10:03 · answer #3 · answered by LILSAN34 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
$400.00 for a ring? are you serious ? thats food and electricity , fuel for your car , why on earth would you want a ring that the minute it leaves the store devalues by $180 ?.
Men dont like buying jewelry period so this is 1 battle your going to lose , go and pick a ring , put it on lay-away , lay-bye and pay it off , thats the only way your going to get your expensive tasting jewelry.
Why werent you allergic to your wedding ring your mother in law bought you when you married is 1 thing I'd like to ask ? and you said she payed for the ring's because you and your man couldnt afford it but then you said you paid for his and chose it?.
Are you sure your allergic to it or is it just that your hunger for the 14 carat's has become more to you then the fact your married and in love and that a ring doesnt define your marriage or who you are as a person?.
2007-09-03 00:10:15 · answer #4 · answered by JadeyOz 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I don't think that you're being unreasonable at all, I too suffer from the same allergies and I because of it, I refuse to wear any sort of jewelry at all. But a wedding band is a wedding band, and it is a symbol of love and commitment between you and your husband. Knowing that he wouldn't want to buy you one since he'd rather buy a playstation is way below the belt. My husband and I were poor too when we got married, but we both established the importance of having a wedding band, he promised that he'd buy me a better one when we get to our 7th wedding anniv, and he did.
You have to tell your husband how much this means to you and how important it is for your marriage and your health! If he thinks that you are being impractical about it, try to convince him that the value of jewelry(especially the real ones) appreciates over time while his playstation would depreciate once he gets it out of the store. Anyway, hope that i was able to help.
2007-09-02 23:57:25 · answer #5 · answered by ana z 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It doesn't sound unreasonable to me at all. Is he cheap? Does he not have the time? Tell him that you would like to let people know that you are married by wearing a wedding ring and if your marriage meant anything to him at all, then he would make sure that you had one.
2007-09-02 23:47:13 · answer #6 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You're not being unreasonable. He is being selfish. I can't put it any other way. If I were you, I'd buy the ring myself. For him to want a PlayStation 3 instead of giving you a proper ring is pathetic.
2007-09-02 23:51:13 · answer #7 · answered by M M 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
you are not unreasonable. There aren't too many rings you can buy for 400. It's pretty bad if he doesn;t want to get you one. He would rather spend junk on himself. He sounds greedy.
2007-09-03 00:25:41 · answer #8 · answered by ridemhiQT 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea it seems as if the hubbie has his priorities wrong. I think being married nine years is very suitable for a new ring. I think you should let him know it is time and if he refuses got get your self a new ring, you deserve it. Good luck!
2007-09-02 23:48:18 · answer #9 · answered by b n real 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i understand if your husband does not want to buy you a ring than you can buy your own if thats all it is to it he wants to buy a game he is still young and only thinking of what he wants to do. if you are allergic to this ring by all means keep it off your finger before you get infected. i dont find you to be unfair.
best of luck
2007-09-03 00:03:54 · answer #10 · answered by mmurray001 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
IT ISN'T UNREASONABLE AT ALL. He should have bought you a ring first chance he had when the funds were available. If he loved you and knew how much it meant to you , then it shouldn't even be an issue at all. Express to him how you feel about it and then smack some sense into him...lol
2007-09-02 23:51:23 · answer #11 · answered by amandaped25 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋