I was on drugs. She wants kids. The morning she left, she kissed me on the head and said "I don't want a divorce". I've gone to rehab and I'm sober. She told me she's confused and then cut me off. What do I do. We've been together since I was 16. I adore her and she loves me. She won't talk to me because she knows that I can talk her into coming back. I put a big strain on her trust but only with issues involving money and drugs. She knows I've been loyal and that I love her. I've never been abusive. She just wants to start a family and now that I'm sober so do I. I just want to be able to meet her needs emotionally, financailly and physically. Her family has money and is threatening to disown her if she reconciles with me. She's afraid of that. She's told me that she still loves me since she left. I know we can be happy. How do I get her to look me in the eyes and see it? That's all I need to do to I just need to know how to make it happen. Any unique ideas?
2007-09-02 15:18:36 · 14 answers · asked by B. Nowlin 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am employed. I have a good job. I just need to let her know my intentions. That would be enough for me. She loves me. All I want is for her to see me trying.
2007-09-02 16:03:58 · update #1
You know that she still loves you, and thats not going to dissapear into thin air no matter how much pressure she feels from her parents. So if you really want her back then you are going to have to be incredibly patient. Because their concern about you not being the best guy for her might be wrong but it isnt crazy and you have to put yourself in their shoes and bear it. You dont have to stop loving her or stop letting her know that you love her, but you do need to back off and give it some time. Make it CLEAR that you are available and waiting since she is the only one you want to be with. THEN take this time to keep improving yourself as a person, as a good husband and father that they would love for her to be with. They are threatening to disown her out of fear and as a last resort, but no parent ever wants to take it to that level, so give her and them some reasons and some time to gain confidence in you so that they dont have to be afraid anymore. While you aren't with her you need to keep good, healthy friends in your life, and stay active. This may sound like opposite advice but if you learn how to be happy and involved, living a "motivated" life style without having her by your side then it will attract her even more because women find that to be really sexy. Good things will happen with time, and she is worth waiting for. So use this time wisely.
2007-09-02 15:57:37 · answer #1 · answered by nawailohiloi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing don't say,"Only with issues involving money and drugs". That's pretty big, especially in the eyes of her parents. Why would she leave now that you've been through rehab? How many days sober are you? Ask her what she needs from you to probe that you've started a new life. Of course if she wants children, she wants you clean and sober. Have there been any relapses? You can only try to prove to her that you are a changed person. Are you actively employed? All of these things are majorly important. If you have a good job and start saving money, then her families money will seem less important. Tell her you want to purchase a home if you don't already own one. Get involved in church. Tell her you want your children to know God. Good luck.
2007-09-02 15:41:17 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have probably talked her into staying many times and she just kept running into the same money/drug problems with you. She is obviously not convinced that you have permanently changed. You have got to win back her trust and stay sober for a long time before she will think about coming back. Her family is probably sick of seeing her being brought down and abused by you, and they want her to get away from you so she can think clearly and not be manipulated and persuaded to remain in a dysfunctional relationship.
BTW, two people can love each other but still not be able to live together.
2007-09-02 15:31:50 · answer #3 · answered by G.V. 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For a wife to leave a husband that she loves,you must have done some pretty bad things.I m sure that you are not telling us the whole story.You mentioned issues involving drugs and money as if they were insignificant problems ,they are not .You better examine the way you have been living your life in the past so you can understand why she may or may not come back.If I were you I would stay sober and get employed as soon as possible.If you can truly turn your life around she may give you another chance.
2007-09-02 15:57:07 · answer #4 · answered by Julius C 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Pray, no one is talking about divorce, so you have a chance. Look like you've done all the steps toward recovery. Is there someone in your wife's family that can go to bat with you. You need an insider that will not let her parents know. Think on it. Contact them and let them know your situation and how serious you are in restoring your marriage. Does her parents go to church? Maybe you can attend. Show up quietly and respectfully. Send your wife and mother-in-law flowers, give the wife a bouquet of roses (yellow/just not red for now) and the mother-in-law another endearing flower like a carnation. Be creative and do the unexpected often, wear them out. Send the wife a teddy bear with a diaper and a baby bottle. I applaud you in your efforts. The best to you both.
2007-09-02 15:50:24 · answer #5 · answered by Titus12 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Prove her that you are a changed man. It will take time but if you love your wife, it will be worth it. Get your life in order, stay clean, get a job, save some money, show the serious intentions. Of course, her family doesn't want you to be with her because you betrayed their trust. Drugs are not a joke.
If you seriously want her back, you will have to gain her family's approval. Work hard and prove them that you have changed and will never do drugs again. Don't even try to get her back behind her family's back. It will cause more pain for you and her for losing her family.
2007-09-02 15:27:24 · answer #6 · answered by terliuke 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweet Pea sometimes you have to let a love one heal from all the hurt that has been caused. I recommend you give her some space till this thing is truly sorted out. This gives you time to stay sober with no relapses that way you can truly provide for the Mrs. She loves you but she is really hurting. Please just give her the space that is much needed at this time and she will come around. God Bless and good luck on your rehabilitation!
2007-09-02 15:41:44 · answer #7 · answered by b n real 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she loves you, she will look for you. Give her space and when she starts missing you she will look for you but let her know that you are willing to do anything to make your marriage work. The family should stay out of it. It is your problem only and your wife not the entire family. Let your wife know that this marriage is only the two of you and there is nothing most valuable in life that have the love of your life beside you. God luck
2007-09-02 15:25:37 · answer #8 · answered by Dragonfly 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It may take some time for you to get in touch with her if the family is keeping her away. In the meantime get you life going , have a track record to show her. Love is a lot but isn't the be all and end all, no matter what people like to say in here.I wish you luck for the future.
2007-09-02 16:26:42 · answer #9 · answered by reinformer 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go to counseling on your own. You may not need it, and you may not want it, but do it anyway. This will show that you are working on bettering yourself. Ask her mother or father to join you in a session or two. Ask her to join you.
Drugs are hard to overcome. My hubby was on meth when I met him, but he has been clean for 5 years (out of 6) People do change, and you will just have to prove it to her family. I hope that you understand that they want her to be safe and happy and healthy, and with you doing drugs....well you see the issues. Be the person that you know that you should be. Get a job... or work to advance in the one that you have. Have a crap job, then get a better one. Go to AA meeting or NA meetings. Send her flowers with a card saying "thank you for seeing the real me" Or "thank you for caring" Let her know that YOU know that she is worth fighting for. And don't give up. As I said PEOPLE CAN CHANGE>
2007-09-02 15:29:32 · answer #10 · answered by Brandi 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋