Pendulum weighs
pro's and con's of today
Strange how precisely
it indicates
Alone in the still
foretelling your will
With your eyes follow
the point to a thrill
Opening doors
that had contents unknown
Shedding new light
in that dark of your own
Suddenly sweet movement
flows through your soul
A quiet awakening
people should know
Ask all the questions,
call death by chance
And ancestry shadows
(along with you) dance.....
2007-09-02 13:01:06 · 4 answers · asked by ? 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I think this poem is a window into your inner thinking. Good job translating it into words. I think I'll go back and read it a couple more times.
2007-09-02 13:09:00 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shad, I want to like this poem...but to be honest, it needs revision. You speak of a pendulum...the most regular item you'll probably ever see. The form, meter, etc., should all mirror a pendulum, and although some parts do, most of your poem does not. A pendulum is an inverted metronome, and as such, it should be consistent. Check your beats, check your rhyme...if you're going to use couplets, then make sure they're all couplets...if you're going to use abab, then make sure it's always abab...if you're going to use a specific meter, then settle in and use that meter all the time...iambic or dactyl? trochaic? which one? pick one, then stick with it. If you want to "evolve" between one and the other to mimic precession, then fully form each part so it is regular before moving on to something else. It isn't the message that needs changing...just the form.
...as always, keep writing
2007-09-09 04:56:07 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is a great poem good flow it could be interpereted in more then 1 way. Great work as usual. Keep it up. Keep Writting!
2007-09-03 18:02:36 · answer #3 · answered by Sh00ting_St@r! 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shad this has a really, really nice rhythm to it--like a pendulum.
Very nice effect here. It reads out loud very well.
2007-09-02 14:18:52 · answer #4 · answered by Todd 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋