we have a great relationship im 28 and hes 33. hes amazing and we totally love eachother,but he has no desire to live w me or get married when i bring it up he just says whats the rush and gets annoyed w me. this is the only thing wrong w our relationship. how do i get him to grow up already????
2007-09-02 12:12:56 · 9 answers · asked by just me 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
it has nothing to do with maturity, it's just different than what you want. some people want marriage, some don't. some want children, some don't. that doesn't mean that the people who make different choices than yours are immature. you can't force him into it, and you shouldn't want to. if your bf relents to your pleas, then he will be marrying you just to make you happy, not because he thinks it will make him happy. that means, it will only be a matter of time before he begins to resent you and the marriage.
realize right now that you can only control yourself. so, you have a decision to make. since everything else about your relationship is perfect, are you willing to leave things the way they are without pressuring him to marry? if not, then you need to move on.
his desire to stay single and living separately is just as valid as your desire to marry. neither of you is wrong, however, this is a large issue so you may not be compatible. stop trying to convince him. you should never have to convince, plead, or beg someone into such a large, life-changing decision. respect his feelings and make a decision. he is being open and honest with you. if you ignore that you are setting yourself up for failure.
btw, i'm a sociology student doing a survey on marriage & relationships. i would love your perspective. http://geocities.com/sbiv37/
2007-09-02 12:28:47 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Face it. He is NEVER going to marry you. If you like the concept of that relationship, stay with it and end up alone when he tires of you. If you want marriage, give an ultimatum: an announcement of an engagement within a week with marriage no further out than three months (sufficient time to plan a wedding) or you separate for good. If he does not choose the engagement/marriage, leave him without ever looking back, and find someone who is serious. He does not seem to be.
2007-09-02 12:23:40 · answer #2 · answered by MICHAEL R 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He is not ready so back off. If you are ready then you need to break up and find someone that is looking to get married. You don't want to pressure him into for it will never work in the long run. You have to decide what you want out of life and go for it and if that is not where he is at in his life than it is time to move on. You can't get him to grow up. You are not his mother. He will grow up on his own.
2007-09-02 13:07:40 · answer #3 · answered by Dance 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I dont kno. Im kinda young.. but here's my take, No offense but maybe he thinks your not the one. Men dont judge relationships by time. Why do u think u see a man date one woman, then end it with her. and then jump into another relationship and get married after like 6 months of dating when his first relationship went on for years. You cant do anything about it though... You cant make someone feel somethin for you. Im sure he loves you after 5 years. But obviously he feels uncertain about something... its up to you to put your finger on it.
2007-09-02 12:37:22 · answer #4 · answered by J Marie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well u really cant make him do anything..... If hes not interested in marriage and you are maybe your not a good match. If you have been together for that long and hes still not willing to get married then he probably never will. You should decide what you want for yourself... he might just keep leading you on and you will never get the life that you dream of...
2007-09-02 12:21:08 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
why are you saying he isn't grown up just because he doesn't want to live together or get married?If he was evasive with you about living together or getting married, now THAT would be immature. He knows what he wants, and makes it very clear - that is being an adult. You have a choice - live with it or leave.
2007-09-02 12:30:19 · answer #6 · answered by allrightythen 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmm it does seem like he's a little uncommited to the prospects of really settling down. Talk to him, and ask him directly why he won't move in with you and put that wedding band on your finger.
2007-09-02 12:28:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
End the relationship. He's getting laid and it's comfortable for him. No strings. Move on and find a mature grownup.
2007-09-02 12:27:47 · answer #8 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
ok its about time you got hitched what my teacher used to get her hubby was they lived together and she took like a weeklong trip and he realized how much he didnt and loved her so go away for a while and make him realize that he cant live w.o and if he can move on while your still young
2007-09-02 12:18:59 · answer #9 · answered by endlesslydreaming 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋