Do you ever feel this way?

Question

That maybe if you were better-looking (if you're not that happy with your looks already) that maybe you would have the confidence to be doing more things? Maybe go to more parties or socialize without feeling self-conscious? I think I would be a whole different person. I feel EXTREMELY adventurous all the time, like I want to go off and do my own thing and try something new. I'm actually quite independent, but because I lack the confidence (my looks, as I feel), I don't feel as though I can do everything I please to do, show my true self without worrying about what others think. What about you? Serious answers, please...

Answer 1

Hi Nenna,
As you've probably read in my other answer, I had big issues with this. I still struggle with it but I'm getting much better. Basically I was a very superficial person. Not that I wasn't deep or didn't feel deeply, but I attatched a lot of meaning to looks. I bought into the TV and Hollywood images of how great celebrities were. They looked great and they were great, or so I thought. Think about movies, you can tell the good guys from the bad guys by how they look right?
I also struggled with narcissitic tendencies. The primary characteristic of narcissism is the need to be special. This is born from parents failure to make a child feel special when it is young. So the child grows into adulthood with this unresolved need to feel special. To the narcissist, the world is full of special people, either especially good or especially bad. And it's also all about image, how someone looks, physical looks and what others THINK of them. With a lack of self esteem(the deep feeling that one is a valuable, lovable person just because of who they are not what they do or look like), image was all I had. So how I looked to others was of the utmost importance.
So how did I get out of this? Well I found a good therapist for one. He helped to remind me that we're all just fallible f'd up human beings. I also learned this from sharing my deepest, most intimate feelings with others that I trusted. When I learned that most other people are going through, and feeling the same things that I am, this image of a world full of perfect people and pieces of garbage began to dissolve. I began to learn that I was not special. This was hard for me to take because I NEEDED to feel special. Now I'm learning that I'm special to the people in my life, but I'm not special in the sense that I'm better or worse than anyone else.
As far as my looks go, I still think I'm somewhere in between Brad Pitt and Danny DeVito, but I don't know where. Are looks nothing? No. They're something. But they're not everything. And they don't have all that meaning(my self esteem) attatched to them anymore and they have lost so much of their power. I'm starting to realize I don't have to look like Brad Pitt to enjoy my life, really. This is a wonderful truth. I'm not attractive to everybody but I'm attractive to somebody. And that's all I need.
As far as being adventurous, make sure it's only your looks standing in your way. I found that some things I wanted to do just plain scared the crap out of me(this is another area I realized I'm just like everyone else) and I thought I SHOULDN'T be afraid and IF I was better looking I would just be attacking that.
Some things I still don't wan't to try, like sky diving. It's just not enjoyable to me, so why go through all that fear just to prove something. And that's OK. I'm not any less of a person because someone else can do it and I can't. I can do somethings they can't do. I have tried perfoming music in front of people lately. This, I believe, is because I have more self esteem. If someone doesn't like my singing, that's sad, but it doesn't devestate me like it used to.
Sorry for the hugely long answer. But I wanted to address each one of your concerns with my own experience.

Good luck to you!!!

Answer 2

I have always thought this way. I'm too young to go to serious parties, but it has taken effect in the way I dress. I'm currently a teenager and whenever I go to the mall I see slim girls wearing skirts and taking pride in their body. I am average I guess, but I don't look all that great in revealing articles of clothing. I too am extremely adventurous and do things differently from other people. I think it's quite normal to think the way you do. I mean, at least I think like you. I know that if my looks were better by a smidge I could have more independence and confident in myself. The fact that I don't have a killer body doesn't hurt me; I dress up my sister all pretty as how I would do if it's me. I'm proud of my body overall and I know that life isn't fair. Maybe it should be fair sometimes. Overall, I think you and I should loosen up a bit and be a bit less self-concious. Some people love us for the way we are. We'll have our times. I hope I helped.

Answer 3

Pain is a strange thing. Burning a finger or stubbing a toe can hurt all night, but when I shattered my wrist into 20 pieces (bones sticking out), I didn't feel anything at all. I guess I was just into "operation mode," and I realized that pain would be a disability in getting necessary medical help. I do not think the worst physical pain can come close to the mental anguish many of us have suffered. Merry Christmas, and all the best to you and your loved ones. And be careful!

Answer 4

You should really do a little research on lookism. People care about their looks because being attractive is an advantage in pretty much every social situation. Me, I don't obsess over my looks. I guess the pressure to look good is stronger for women than men. But I'm definitely glad that I wasn't born ugly.

Answer 5

No, people should know, that even if their looks changed, their personalties would still be the same and they could probably never be completely happy. They use there looks as an excuse for why they're holding back. Oh, I'd be less self conscious if I was prettier, but even if they were prettier, it wouldn't be pretty enough for them.

Answer 6

I'm happy with my looks, and I feel adventurous but it's money holding me back :( . You'll feel better about your looks when you learn to accept them and know that others either have to accept them or just deal with it.

Answer 7

I feel that way all the time. Every single day of my life.
I can't give any advice on how to overcome it, since I haven't myself.
But I wish you good luck in becoming who you want to be and accepting yourself :)

Answer 8

yea i do and i think alot of other people feel this way... The best thing to do is just be yourself... people will like you !! Sometimes people like us just get too in our heads and too self concious .. other people dont see us the way we see ourselves... If you start to just be yourself.. your will appear more confident and attractive to others... :)

Answer 9

True beauty is within...The outer shell is only a facade.

Answer 10

ummm nope, i just hate people anyway x3