about being fair.?

Question

alright i pretty much asked this last night but it was late and didn't get many reponses. my fiance may be having his daughter every other weekend or for two weeks at a time (which we would prefer that way we will see her more) anyways i'm having a baby in the winter and we already have his stuff plus we have a shower coming up for him. so all of his stuff will be new and some of it is expensive. of course we will have to buy her stuff and i'm really looking forward to it, but is it ok if the stuff we buy her is a little cheaper? most of my son's stuff was presents and we can't afford to keep up with what people bought him because it was expensive. they are both babies. his crib and bedding is new but a friend offered to give us theirs 9they are done having kids) so we will only have to get her a crib and a few other things. it is alright to spend less money since we don't really have enough to buy her an expensive $400 crib? they will be sharing toys plus each have their own.

i want things to be as fair as possible. i don't want to rip her off. they are both baby's so will people notice the difference i don't want people to think we are cheaping out on her we just can't afford it.

we love them both and once they are old of course things will be more fair but we weren't really expecting to have to buy for two at the same time and really if we had to by everything for our son ourselves we would have gotten cheaper but it has all been presents so far.

http://www.walmart.com/catalog/product.do?product_id=5064488
here is the cib we want to get her. do you think it is alright? it converts

we are getting married in march i'm not worried about him leaving me. it was a totally different situation with her. it's really a long story though and has nothing to do with the question.

Answer 1

i completely understand where you are coming from and i feel that as long as you and your man are providing for both children then you are being fair.price and style of the childrens property realy will not be realized by them for a while and it is not like you are purposely getting less expensive things for his other child your child has nicer things because they were gifts.you should not feel guilty nor should you let anyone put you down because you are doing what you can and as long as the babies are loved and cared for then who gives a rats @$$ if the cribs are from walmart or if they are hand crafted by davinci himself

Answer 2

We were broke starting out. We were given everything, including 2 cribs. We used the nicer one and then 3 months after having my girl, we found out we were pregnant again. I was very glad we had been given the extra one. So when my second child came, one had a nice crib and the second child didn't. Almost all people that came into our house knew our situation and never commented on the cribs, that one was nicer. The children don't care a bit either. It was just what we were given, and everything was fine. If you wanted a nicer crib but didn't want to spend 400, try craigslist. You can't tell it is used, just get a new mattress though. The one you picked out looks good.

Answer 3

i went through pretty much the same issue, my stepdaughter and my oldest are 8 months apart. my husbands ex had walked out on him and left him alone with absolutely nothing for the baby, when my ex and i split up i kept everything. so when my husband and i got together and decided to move in together our girls were 27 and 19 months and my son was 3 months, we had our hands full. my stepdaughter still slept in a crib because he hadnt been able to buy her a bed due to the fact that it was costing him sometimes $150 a week to have her in daycare (on a military salary ack) we decided that she was way too old for that and went and bought her a cheap bed which was nowhere near as nice as my daughters (it was all we could afford) and the girls never seemed to notice, they would even swap beds sometimes. the biggest thing was once we got them set up initially from that day forward we were fair across the board on purchases, my kids had their stuff toned down and hers was stepped up..they went from designer and thrift store to everyone getting walmart clothes. and we made sure they each had a few special toys and stuff of their own but most of the stuff they shared. now that they are older they dont even seem to remember that life.

so i would say starting out buy whatever you can afford, she wont notice. if someone wants to give you stuff take it (babies outgrow stuff so fast that the same stuff is usually good for 2-3 babies anyway) but once you get her make sure you buy evenly. especially as they get older

Answer 4

No it don't mean you love them any more then the other. And it don't mean you are cheap or anything like that. You always want to buy new stuff for an unborn baby. I have three girls and the oldest one got everything brand new because i never had kids before. But her two younger sisters some of their stuff was new but alot was passed down from the older sibling. I love all my kids the same and money or material items are least of my worries with them. What I try to be fair on is if one gets to go they both get to go somewhere.. Because I want them both to experience everything they can..

Answer 5

I think that that crib you want to buy is just great. My advice is spend all the money now, and save later. That way, when you have everything ready, you won't have to buy anything more. The crib is good because is converts. Imagine how long it can last! After that you won't have to buy another bed for a while since it can convert into a longer bed.

Answer 6

You won't have to worry about spending less money on the things for your fiance's daughter. When children are very young they quickly outgrow everything. The time you spend with these little ones and the love you give them will mean so much more to them. With love and fair discipline, your children will be able to live a wonderfully productive life understanding what is expected of them and they will enjoy life.

Answer 7

They are babies....do you really think they will know the difference? What you are worried about is what others think, and why care? He will out grow those clothes SOOOO fast, and you'll be soon buying him as cheap of clothes as her, believe me :P

Answer 8

a baby will not care if it sleeps on $4 target sheets or $400 designer sheets. Its the love that counts!!!! Good luck!

Answer 9

I think the better question here might be...Why does he have another baby that is by another woman? But that is a separate issue that you will probably have to deal with at a later date. Give her whatever you can afford. They are babies. It sounds like he may not be around long anyway and may go find another woman to impregnate and leave you in the dust like he did the last one. Be careful dear!