Tell me what you think about this...?

Question

A Poem (?) for....

Spring has came
And winter's went,
It was not did by acci-dent.
Up from the south as you have saw,
The birds has flew by nature's law.
Flowers has sprang with sweetest scent...
Thank God spring's came and winter's went.

Poetic license.

The poem was written for me on the day of my birth in 1955 by a friend of my father's. My father passed away when I was 9 and my mother can't remember who wrote it.

I imagine the tense was written wrong on purpose. It was given to me written in his hand...acci-dent and all. There was no signature.

Answer 1

A very cleverly written poem .. i really like it .. and its something to save as it isn't easy to do that and make the poem make sense..

a friend of your fathers wrote it.??. hmmm. find out from your mom about other friends of the family at that long ago time.. that may know ..or relatives of your father back then ...that may know his friends too ....... the search could be fun ...

Answer 2

Your verb tenses are incorrect.
Is that on purpose or for effect?

I think you should fix the tenses and even out the poem; it will definitely improve it. If you fixed the tenses, and added rhythm, it would be like this:

Spring has come,
And Winter went,
It was not done
by accident.
Up from the south as you saw,
The birds have flown by nature's law.
Flowers have sprung
with sweetest scent.
Thank God, Spring's come,
and winter went.

I like the feel of the poem, and I believe it has a lot of potential. Keep up the good work!

Answer 3

I agree that the tenses were written wrongly on purpose, but it's not only the tenses that are wrong; for example "went" is in the correct tense, but it's the wrong word. The right word would be "gone", but of course that wouldn't rhyme.

Writing a poem where the words are deliberately wrong is very difficult, but it's only clever if it can be done in such as way as to make the deliberations obvious, as opposed to making it look as though it has been written by somebody who is illiterate. Unfortunately, the latter of the two applies with this poem. Sorry, if it has sentimental value, but it's my opinion.

Sorry Carina, you can't say "Spring has come and winter went"
You either have to say "Spring has come and winter's spent"
or "Springtime came and winter went", otherwise it is you who are mixing present and past tenses!

Answer 4

I agree with Bibs. You can't do what you did. And it looks like what you did, is what you did done. Get it?

You stuck with certain words 'n whatnot, without thinking of ways to make it rhyme, while talking like... Well while talking...! I mean you shouldn't have to change the way you write a word, or type it up or anything, just to get a person to say, read 'n see the rhyme. (i.e., "...acci-dent.")

Plus, "...has came". It's come. "Up from the south as you have saw,". It's seen. "Flowers has sprang with sweetest scent" No plural if has. 'A flower has sprung', would've made more sense 'n I would've been able to read it. 'With the sweetest scent', instead of "...with sweetest scent..." Also would've been better and easier to pronounce.

Plus, "winter's went'...? I don't get that completely. I mean it sounds weird 'n in some ways I'm wondering what you mean exactly. Winter's went... Uh-huh... I get your trying to say winter's no longer here, it's gone away. But it just sounds so weird like that.

Think and reword.

Luck.

Answer 5

The grammar is irritating.

Answer 6

I think actcident should just be one whole word.

Good poem though.

Answer 7

i think its really good.

but whats with the dash at accident?