how do i tell my husband i cheated on him?

Question

You see...one year ago I went on a one week cruise with my friends while my husband stayed home. We all "hooked up" it was a one night thing, but as the days go by I feel more and more gulity about it!! I love my husband to death and I see me with him forever, but I need a way to tell him without it costing my whole marrige?? Please help!!

Answer 1

This is something you'll have to take to the grave, sis. He's not gonna understand.

Answer 2

Are you acting different and he's begining to question your behavior? Did you hook up with other females only - or were males involved? Do you honestly think he'll forgive you? Or is he more likely to divorce you? Were you and your hubby having troubles at the time and that's why you went away without him?
So many variables come into play when an affair happens. Being neglected at home, or abused, or even completely ignored. Feeling like "the maid" instead of the wife (or husband). Doing everything to please your spouse (husband or wife) and not feeling at all appreciated. When you feel like that, you don't even realise you are sending off signals that you'd be interested in an affair. You're usually too numb or too hurt to notice. And what begins as an innocent friendship can very quickly become an affair - if you don't put a stop to it. And you will have many opportunities provided you see them. You will only be "blind" to them in the begining - you will reach a point that you can no longer say you didn't "see" it happening.
Once you see it - you need to put a stop to it, or risk ruining your marriage. Never think you won't get caught - you will eventually. Everyone always does.

If your spouse does not yet know, and you know without a doubt that he will never find out, then I would suggest not telling him. BUT - if he ever has an affair that you find out about, or that he tells you about, DO NOT get upset with him! You have no right to feel hurt after what you've done to him.
Even if you do tell him, and he forgives you, be aware that somewhere down the line he just might decide to say, "well, she did it, so can I".
No, 2 wrongs don't make a right, but revenge is one of the many facets of human nature - not one of the nicer ones, but it's there none the less.
And above all - whether or not you decide to tell, you really should see a counselor. Guilt will eat away at you and it will eventually ruin your marriage.
Best Wishes

Answer 3

WHAT? i can't believe the responses you are getting here. I havent read through all of them, but most of them say don't tell? i don't agree with that. yes, it is true that there is a possibility he may leave you, but the mor important question here is, can you live with yourself if you don't tell him? if this was something that you could just ignore, you could have done that by now and you wouldnt be here asking for an advice. well sister, i say tell him. i dont how you could tell him because there is no easy way for you to come out and say it, and ther is no easy way for him to take in the information. yes,it is going to crush him. sorry, i am being realistic. and he may end up divorcing you, which i wouldnt blame him because you broke your vows and hence are responsible for the marriage to end, not him. another thing that should help you, is how would you feel if he was the one that did the cheating? would you rather know and make your decision based on the truth, or would you rather he hides it from you forever. another advice i can give you is this, don't ever do it again. you sound kind of young, and if you werent ready for marriage you shouldnt have gotten married now you are responsible for two lives..urs and your husband because what if you end up with an STD of some sort, i hope u used protection. if not, then please do tell him and get tested. good luck

Answer 4

well you should of not "hooked up" on a cruise because all your friends were doing it, it's not high school. Second if you love him to death how could you stomach sleeping with some guy for a one time thing? If you don't tell him it will always be in the back of your mind and he will find out eventually...you can't hide everything forever, you will get caught. If you tell him now he may not leave you but he will resent you for two reasons, one you slept with someone else two you waited for over a year to even attempt to tell him. You made a decision to sleep with someone now be a real woman and tell him what you did.

Answer 5

IF you loved your husband you would not have "hooked up" for a one night thing. That would NEVER have crossed your mind. The only way you CAN tell him is the truth..."On that cruise I got stupid and decided to take a chance on ruining our marriage to commit adultery and have a one night phuck with a stranger...hopefully I didn't contract an STD, HIV, or HPV and wind up giving it to you." Keep in mind that both HIV and HPV don't always present even though the "carrier" is still contagious. If you contracted HIV then you have given it to your husband and he has cause for a civil suit against you let alone a divorce. You should feel more than guilt for what you have done.

Answer 6

That is a chance that you should have thought of before you "hooked up" with your friends. The only you can do is come clean with him and be remorseful about it.

Hopefully, (for your sake) he will understand and be forgiving.

There is no easy way to tell him about what you did and you have hidden this "secret" from him long enough. He deserves to know. I wouldn't be shocked if he isn't more upset that you took over a year to tell him than you actually committing adultery in the first place.

Answer 7

Why would you want to take the burden that you now bear and pass it on to him??? YOU created this situation. He's been a good husband and father (I assume). SO, you caused it, you live with it. DO NOT tell him in order to make yourself feel better!!!! It will only make him feel worse!

If you love him, the best thing you can do is to work this out in your own mind and heart. Seek guidance and forgiveness from a priest, minister, rabbi, etc.

While you cheated on your husband, you sinned against God. Your only true forgiveness will come from God. Seek forgiveness from God. He can handle it Do not burden your husband. He may not be able to.

Please don't think I'm admonishing your behavior. I truly understand and wish only the best for you and your marriage. Good luck. God bless.

Answer 8

Let's be honest, there is no nice way to say "Honey, I cheated on you." It is like telling someone that a loved one has died. It will sting, but you just have to say it and be prepared for the turmoil to follow. Have a plan and be ready to lose him. Many people in your shoes would just live the lie and forget about it. It is really the right thing to do (to tell him). Keep in mind also that any of your friends who also cheated on that cruise may have to fess up too!

Answer 9

You already ended your marriage when you violated your vow to be sexually exclusive with him. That broke the marriage contract spiritually.

Can it be forgiven? Is he the forgiving type? How many OTHER people know about it?

What else are you hiding from him and what makes you think you deserve his trust?

I know this sounds brutally harsh, but you committed the absolutely WORST sin (outside of murder) that you could have in a marriage and especially in the eyes of a man.

Seek professional counsel for your guilt issues if you decide not to confess. You'll need to learn to cope with such a gigantic secret if you plan on being with him for decades to come.

P.S. Don't EVER piss off any of your cruise girlfriends, lest they go to your husband with what they know about you.

Answer 10

Look, you feeling guilty doesnt do anyone any good. You did it, it was a mistake and now you are sorry and won't do it again. If you tell him, the ball's in his court. It may cost your marriage, it may not. But it sure as hell will give him a lot of pain!

Or, what if he said, Oh I'm so glad you told me because I 'hooked up' while you were away that time..... or maybe he hooked up with a hooker? How you gonna feel then?

I wouldnt tell him.

Answer 11

You have two different choices here. 1) Tell your husband and run the risk of several things. A) His cheating to get even. B) His wanting a divorce. C) His forgiving you and moving on, or D) Living within a trustless lifestyle with him. OR 2) Keeping your mouth shut and going on with your life. Personally I would vote for #2 and vow to myself NEVER to do it again as it shows in true form that durring the period of cheating that you have absolutely no respect for your husband, let alone love for him. However, should you choose to never tell him and at some point he screws up.... I hope that you remember that you were the first person unworthy of his trust while you are screaming, "HOW COULD YOU?"