my hubby of 20 yrs,works all week,and either goes fishing or football at weekends.?

Question

when i confront him and ask why he never wants to spend wkends with me, we end up in a massive row where he accuses me of trying to tell him what to do and asks if i want to get a timetable.. i feel unwanted and im ready to quit

Answer 1

ask him to plan something with You one weekend a month
if he wont, you have no marriage

Answer 2

Unfortunately, we cannot mold people into what we want them to be.

You are either going to have to accept it or move on.

Just because people are married, it doesn't mean that one person is the boss. Just because you (or your hubby) wants things one way does not make it the "right" way. Neither of you can tell the other what they can or can't do.

People have to make up their own minds as to what to do with their time. If he doesn't want to spend it with you, you can't "make" him.

All you can do is try to have a calm discussion with him and ask him, flat out; "Do you think we are good for each other? Are you happy? What things in our relationship do you think we should change" & finally, "Do you truly love me"?

Granted, decisions should be made together about finances (for the most part) but, not for buying an ice cream or something small like that, just the big thing.

The last thing I wanted to add is; maybe you need to find some way to spend some that same time (and other times, too) away from home. When you do go, doll yourself up a little more than normal. Maybe he'll start to get curious.

Answer 3

I agree with other contributors who have said that you should start to get independent and do your own thing (I don't mean an affair though!). He takes you for granted and you seem to have become invisible to him, perhaps he sees you more as a mother figure nowadays than a wife, and he is the teenager using the house as a hotel. There is nothing more boring for a man than a wife who sits at home all day waiting for him to come home from work. Try this: next weekend act sweet as pie, dress yourself up in the morning nicely, say bye bye and take yourself off all day into town, the cinema, park, take a trip, anywhere (staying out overnight is even better). Make yourself unavailable to him., don't tell him where you are going! Weekday evenings visit friends, take evening classes, go to the cinema (again!) anything to get you out of the house & make you look unavailable to him. Don't row or explain, just grin and go. Start tomorrow! Rapidly he will see you in a different light and I bet he will come running and will start timetabling stuff with you immediately!

Answer 4

He obviously wants to chill out at weekends after working all week and for some reason doesn't see you as 'relaxation'. Tell him that you miss him and would love to spend some time with him - it doesn't have to be all weekend every weekend. He can still have time to himself too but he can't expect you to hang around waiting for him if he's not going to put some effort into your marriage. If he's been like this for the past 20 years, chances are he's not going to change his behaviour now. If you're not ready to walk away from it find things to do that you enjoy on a weekend. It seems sad after such a long marriage that you seem to spend most of your time separately. I hope things work out for you xx

Answer 5

he's sounds like a blokes bloke. and your there for all his homely needs, and mates take up the rest of his life. after 20years he won't change. you need to get out there join a few clubs, have a weekend away with a girlfriend, if he dosn't want you company socialy only as some sort of housekeeper and bedmate, find someone who will value you and will want your company, I had a husband just like that I stood it for 30years then I divorced him, I've had up and downs since then but i am a stronger more confident person now, i'll never take **** from a man again, I now have a nice guy and we have been together over 5 years, and he's 11 years younger than me , so you can have a better life, time to take stock of your life. even if you go forward with your husband go out and see what life has to offer out side those 4 walls . good luck

Answer 6

Try this since he is not going to stop doing what he is doing. Next time tell him your going with some friends out to spend the weekend at a place (A place you want) Do this week after week before he tells you he is going you make plans and see what he ends up telling you. I believe he is used to you not doing much. So you occupy your time and truly do it and that will wake him up. You can't just do it for one weekend you have to do it for like 6 months or so, at the beginning he is going to think your bluffing and will just try to dust of your threats. Never bluff do it and it will count... Guaranteed to work. If he loves you it will work.

Answer 7

first of all ...calm down...and dont discuss things with him when he is so defensive.
that seems more of the issue than whether he fishes or not to me.
second....say yes...i would like us to schedule some time together. Let him know that you love that he has interests and hobbies, but that you need him as well.
Tell him...one weekend a month is now going to be your 'Couples weekend'.....and that he can choose from month to month which weekend it will be, BUT he has to let you know by the first of the month so that you can start making plans to pick up some hobbies of your own.
Tell him if this doesnt work....your scheduling an appointment with a marriage counselor cause you dont know what else to do.

Answer 8

Next time say "Why yes, by all means!" and whip out a calender. Tell him to pick out a weekend in each month and start thinking about whether he prefers going to the ocean or the mountains. If you two have to take golf lessons or something to HAVE some mutually acceptable activity, then sign up right away.

Answer 9

I agree, he's being incredibly selfish. I would try and talk to him when you are both in a calm frame of mind so that his first reaction is not to jump down your throat. Calmly tell him that you understand that he works hard all week and that he needs time to chill out at the weekends but that you love him and you miss spending time with him and you'd love to spend just one weekend a month with him doing something you'd both enjoy, tell him that then you wouldn't feel the need to moan at him (personally i agree with you and i'd want to scream and shout at him too, and have in the past with my husband but it got me nowhere as he hates being 'nagged') and he'd get the best of both worlds, 3 weekends a month to do whatever he likes with no hassle. If he isn't prepared to do that then i really feel he doesn't care about you at all and you'd be right to get out of the marriage. However, if he does agree i still thinks it's a good idea to get yourself a hobby too, sorry to all you men out there if i'm about to insult you but most men don't like the thought of their wives having fun without them knowing what they are doing, even if it's ok for them to do it.

Answer 10

I've no doubt that you've heard that if you can't beat them join em, well here's your chance. Ask him if you can go with and if he says no be polite and ask why. You may also add that you thought it might be good idea as you never seem to do anything together. If this results in an argument then think hard as it needs to be in your best interest what you do next. hope it works out simm

Answer 11

If he seems really offensive not giving you an answer,do u think he may be cheating on you? Why not invite yourself w/him to his outtings...20yrs is a very long time. Has things changed over the years? Or has he been acting indifferently towards you? How about communication? Tell him how you feel yet if he acts really bitter,theres something going on. Good Luck!