I have been living with my boyfriend for almost 5 years. We planned on getting married one day...But now we are having a very hard time getting along, he goes out drinking all weekend while I am at work. Lately he hasnt been coming home at night-to drunk to drive and crashes at his friends. And when he is home he is in a bad mood. So today I said that we are over. he says that he will move out, but when he can afford it. Which will probally be never the way he has been spending his money. I dont think that it is fair that he can come and go as he pleases, living with me while we are breaking up. I want to try and resolves our issues, I just dont know where to start, he is my best friend and we had a loving relationship. Should I just pack my things and leave? Or wait it out and see what happens? I have been calling him non-stop, which is making things worse.
2007-09-02 07:10:39 · 15 answers · asked by chelchel 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I ended up looking at Answers because I am going through a very similar situation myself. It's hard, and it sounds like you still love him. Here's a quote that I'm living by for right now, "If you love something, set if free, if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was." How you go about separating yourselves is up to you, if you don't want to burn any bridges, it may be best if you go and give him some time and space to figure things out.
2007-09-02 08:15:36 · answer #1 · answered by Same Situation 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok 1. why do you call him non-stop if you say the relationship is over? don't do this. give him some time.
2. if it is over and he can't afford to move out, then you move out and tell him to find a roomater.
3. if you want to work our the relationship, you need to make sure that he wants it too. otherwise, it wont be happening..to be realistic. in fact, if he does want to work on it, then begin by just letting him do his things. you dont really say what your problems are, so we cant tell you on how to fix it but it does sort of sound like you are kind of jelous because he has friends he can go out to and have with, and you don't?..just taking a guess here. so if that is in fact your main problem, then you have to allow him to have some buddy times. offer to go with him at other times, and stop nagging him about the littles stuff. good luck.
2007-09-02 14:19:59 · answer #2 · answered by mama2be 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you're with someone like this, you're going to be miserable.....always wondering where he is, if he's alright, what he's doing or who he might be doing it with. (Hint: Drunks that don't come home at night aren't just necessarily crashing at someone else' house......they may be shacking up with someone else instead.)
I understand it used to be good, but you are under no obligations now with the terrible way he is treating you. If he won't move out and the property is in your name, then move his things out for him next time he's on a binge, and have the locks changed. (That's when HE will know it's over....sounds like you already do.)
If he tries to get violent about it, call the police, press charges, take out a restraining order. He has forfeited his rights to have this much say in your life any longer...and the only way you're going to find some peace and safety in your own home is to move this bozo out.
If both names are on the property, then you may be the one who has to move out....but either way, get out, move on, and be safe and happy! Don't let this guy ruin your life for one more day!
2007-09-02 14:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by CassandraM 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that the relationship I am in is over when I look at my partner with feelings less than love, and when ALL of the butterflies are gone. When those things happen, it's hard to find your way back to each other, although it can be done, it will take a lot of work when things reach that point.
2007-09-02 15:32:07 · answer #4 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the place is in your name, I wouldn't move out. You may have to pay for any damages if he takes you leaving badly.
I would give him 2 weeks to get out. If he doesn't, change the locks and pack all his stuff in garbage bags left at his "friends". I'm sure if he crashes there while drunk, they won't mind him there permanently.
Good luck to you. I know how it feels to live with an alcoholic.
2007-09-02 14:19:45 · answer #5 · answered by *♥♫Hedy♫♥* 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let's see, he drinks, he's bad with his money. Boo...leave! What he's doing now will only get worse if you get married. Then it'll be more difficult & far more expensive to get the hell outta dodge. Save yourself the trouble now while you can.
"Wait it out?" Yeah, somewhere far away. And don't call him anymore! He doesn't think you're serious about breaking it off. It sounds like he was coming and going as he pleased before you told him it was over. If that's your house, then he needs to keep it movin...You can show him better than you can tell him that it's over. If he was serious about being with you to begin with, then he'll get it together. In the meantime, you get yourself together.....alone.
2007-09-02 14:22:43 · answer #6 · answered by Mirch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It must be very hard for you, you say u want to resolve the issues, so obviously you still care for the man. But please dont allow him to treat u like this, you dont deserve it. if its your house be hard and strong and tell him to go now!! he will be shocked and maybe re think about how hes treating you. If its not your house then again be brave and go. Dont take his word that hes staying at his mates he may not be, Hold your head up high and show him you are better than this.good luck x
2007-09-02 15:20:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give him 24 hours notice to vacate the premises and if he doesn't then place his things on the porch and change all of the locks. To be nice you can always call one of his friends to pick his stuff up so it doesn't get stolen. Or you can move all of your things out and leave. You'll have to do one or the other 'cause I don't think this guy is going to do anything until he's forced into it.
Good luck
2007-09-02 14:43:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you have been waiting and he does not care. TOUGH LOVE starts when you STOP being an enabler. He wants to drink with his friends NOT you. You are supossed to be his friend too.
Who's name is the lease in? Actually, who cares who's name it is in. Pack your stuff and go.....he needs to grow up. I have been in the same position as you except I also had my children from my 1st marriage. Look out for yourself, he is selfish and is taking advantage of you. You are an enabler because you allow him to do this to you.
He's gonna leave when he can afford it??? How can he afford to go out drinking BUT cannot afford to get out??? Wake up honey, start getting mad for the things that he is doing to you and this relationship, get out, get away from him, because he's going to continue to do what he wants to do without YOU. Be strong and stand your ground, let his "friends" take care of him since they are so important and let him crash and not come home. Let him be their problem now, not yours. Don't cry, he's not worth it. REMEMBER you are better, and you deserve better. It took me 8yrs before I woke up and realized it. BE STRONG and DO NOT look back!!!!
There are MUCH BETTER MEN out there, allow yourself someone better than him!!! Good luck!!!!
2007-09-02 14:23:42 · answer #9 · answered by thedothanbelle 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The answer is in your face. No matter what we say to you, you're going to do what you want to do. You need to leave and not look back. If you look back, he will be living with you in your new place. If the old place is in your name, you need to get your name off of it. You can't miss a good thing if it's always available. If he loves you, he will get his act together, but you have to leave.
2007-09-02 14:23:53 · answer #10 · answered by KSR 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋