When me and my ex wife split she said I hope we can be civil but she doesnt talk to me about my daughter and wont even look me in the eye. Yesterday I saw her at a tailgate party I said hello to her and she just turned around looked at me then turned right back around as if we had no history together. This is a woman I have a child with and seeing how she left me three days after my return from Iraq for another man seems I should be the one who is uncivilized how do you deal with someone youve tried to be kind and rational with but who doesnt say two words to you I dread my daughter going to school and having to deal with this person forever
2007-09-02 06:37:05 · 17 answers · asked by Eric B 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I'd say, have no social interaction at all with her; if she sees that it bugs you, she's going to continue doing it because she's being spiteful -- maybe that's caused by feeling guilty over leaving you.
2007-09-02 06:41:25 · answer #1 · answered by dr_usual 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
First, give it some time. She didn't scream at you, and you didn't scream at her right? That sounds civil. Right and wrong doesn't matter in this case because you are dealing with emotions. I wouldn't suggest only e-mailing, that is the lawyer thing to do. When I have worked with families of divorce, those parents that only communicate through letters and e-mails never seem to be able to function for their children. I would suggest some couples or family therapy for you two. You need to learn to navigate into your new relationship, parents of your daughter. You both (and you will have to lead by example) will have to put the past in the past, and focus on your wonderful child who is caught in the middle. Also, until you two can get along (I am assuming you have friends in common) you may want to coordinate who will be at which party. Even if you both go, you won't be surprised.
2007-09-02 14:12:47 · answer #2 · answered by Bag-A-Donuts 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she has some problems.
You should just ignore her.
Damn spaz that's a messed up answer. If that is what you call being civil then I hope you never meet my wife. She should at least talk for the sake of the child. Ans SHE is the one who left for the other guy, and right when he got back from Iraq. How messed up is that.
If that is your idea of civil then your twisted, obviously she was cheating when he was away, and that is hardly civil. And it's not about what she has to do legally but what she should do as a parent and former spouse.
2007-09-02 13:48:43 · answer #3 · answered by beachbum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Go with the flow she is doing some kind of avoidance trip, guess that's the way she can handle this. I guess you could look at the up side and be glad she is not being a witch & hateful.
So although you must be in some kind of limbo (coming home to this really sucks dry lemons) just get in the shadows, look , listen and then put a plan together. It's too fresh and raw I am sorry you have to go through this!
I also want to thank you for your service in the armed services (Iraq) from one american to another thank you and glad you are home.
2007-09-02 13:59:42 · answer #4 · answered by theladygeorge 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello there...
I think you should focus on your daughter and on having a close relationship with her.
You should also try to deal with your feelings when you see your ex-wife, because it sounds like you have unresolved issues here- and they are hurting you. (Remember...a marriage is a serious and difficult commitment; and only those where both spouses try to work things out and try to communicate are the ones that have a better chance to survive. It takes "two to tango"...)
Have you considered going to therapy and talking things over? Not everyone thinks it helps; but maybe if you spent a bit of time with a trained professional you could identify what is making you feel what you feel.
You could also try to get closer to God and ask Him to guide you and heal you....He is the Best Doctor around!
Good luck...Take care of yourself.....
2007-09-02 16:20:44 · answer #5 · answered by Nena S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say she is trying to cover up the guilt she feels for having left you for another man, having committed adultery, breaking up the home. Don't go to her level, don't play games; but don't go out of your way either. I would continue to be cordial by acknowledging her when you see her even if she doesn't reciprocate. She may be one that you'll have to go through your attorney in order to get visitations, etc.. Just do what you have to do to keep seeing your daughter. Don't do anything that she can hold against you. She would love to have something on you in order to alleviate her conscience.
2007-09-02 14:39:37 · answer #6 · answered by gma 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your are divorced. She is being as civil as she wants to be. Don't worry about her,only your child. File for joint custody where you have the child several days a week if possible.
She may be feeling somewhat guilty over how she treated you and being around you makes her feel uncomfortable.
Communicate with her through emails only. Call your child everyday.
2007-09-02 14:05:36 · answer #7 · answered by philosophy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
as this may seem hurtful...this is her way of dealing with it in a civil manner. sounds like she has a lot of guilt on her shoulders. i wouldn't be able to look you in the eye either. she knows what she did was wrong. as long as you aren't screaming at her and causing scenes, then you are acting civil. if you are looking for a friendly relationship, stop looking for one because she doesn't want one. just maintain what you are doing. either one day you'll forgiver her and she realize it....or she will come to terms with it and be less harsh.
2007-09-02 13:44:58 · answer #8 · answered by Isabella S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's just horrible! I'm not sure there is anything legal that you can do. Now if she won't let you see your daughter and you have a right to, then that is a different story. I'm sorry that she is like that, it's women like her that give women like us a bad name.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Support the Soldiers
2007-09-02 13:44:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would avoid her as much as possible if you couldn't work it out with her. Keep your contact with your daughter. There isn't much you can do about what her mother tells her, but as she gets older, she will get the idea of what is going on here as long as you keep regular contact with her. If there are problems where she limits contact with your daughter, you will need to see an attorney to work out a better visiting arrangement. She is the one with the problem with her behavior.
2007-09-02 14:12:34 · answer #10 · answered by Simmi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Guilt weighs heavy my friend. When a person tries to deceive themselves about doing something in their conscience that they really know is wrong, it will manifest into a hatred when she sees you. You are a trigger to her. When she sees or talks to you, she has to answer her mental guilt. Ask her to go to councilling with you. You both need to work out a "civil" relationship for you loved ones.
2007-09-02 13:46:52 · answer #11 · answered by Arvind N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋