A few months ago, found a myspace page that said that he was single and was interested in meeting ladies. I hit him up on it, thinking it was a joke. He immediately turned the page private and didn't respond.
Then, yesterday, my wife and I were on an adult sex site TOGETHER :)....and his profile came up. His profile name is distinctive. After going into the profile, the birthdate, location, etc. are all correct. He is looking for a woman to play with on the side.
I may just leave their situation alone, except tomorrow we are going over to help prepare their house for an adoption they are seeking....should we intervene?
I'm worried about the baby and my sister-in-law. I love my brother, but fear he may have a sexual addiction....
2007-09-02 06:01:11 · 33 answers · asked by Jim Bo 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
stay out of it seriously..its not your business what he is doing in his bedroom...it will only cause problems in the future between you if you start telling
2007-09-02 06:06:19 · answer #1 · answered by bailie28 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello;
(My 2 cents)
You definitely need to talk to your brother about this. Perhaps it is innocent in that like you and your wife, he and his wife are looking for something outside the “norm” and are simply using his profile on the sex website to see what is out there.
Alternatively, he may be cheating or looking to cheat. The reasons I have for believing you need to talk to your brother are three-fold:
1) If this is not a mutual thing between he and his wife, his marriage is being put at risk.
2) Bad enough his relationship may be in danger – but what about providing a stable environment for the little one they are looking to adopt? Should the adoption go through and the relationship fall apart shortly afterwards, think of the effect this will have on the three of them.
3) Lastly and perhaps the most important – if he is doing this on the sly, what happens if he brings an STD home. What if he passes on syphilis, gonorrhoea or worse, HIV to his unsuspecting wife? He may literally be holding her life in his hands!
Perhaps a bit dramatic I know, but the possibility is there. I don’t think that this is the sort of secret that should remain buried – he has a responsibility to his wife (and potentially his adopted child). I think you would be remiss for not acting.
Again, this is simply my opinion – do with it as you see fit, but think long-term, will you be able to live with the fall-out should this scenario head South?
Hope this helps.
2007-09-02 06:17:22 · answer #2 · answered by rumbledrum 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Look, first off, just because he has a profile on this "site" doesn't mean everyone needs to label him a "sex addict".
Remember, you were on the same site, does that make you a sex addict too?
He is your brother, just take him aside and ask him what's up.
He may have just been looking at the site, and to view the other profiles he may have had to make one up for himself.
It doesn't mean he has been cheating. It may say he is looking for someone to cheat with, but that is just words.
It could be just curiosity about the site just like yours when you were looking at it.
Don't jump to conclusions. Every one answering you here either says stay out of it, or crucify him, but they all want to label him some sexual deviant.
You know your brother better than me or any of these other people, pull him aside and let him explain.
Until you do that, your mind will just be filled with all kinds of scenarios, and none of them may be right.
2007-09-02 06:34:03 · answer #3 · answered by Mr R 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The baby will not be affected by the situation but your sister-in-l aw will. How important is this adoption to her? Allow her to get the child she has always wanted first. many children have been successfully raised in single parent homes. With you as the wonderful loving male roll model in the child's life things will be okay there. In the mean time confront your brother and let him know that you know. Tell him that you do not approve of what he is doing and that it is not fair to his wife. Tell him that if he does not stop and get help that you will go to his wife and let her know what is going on. Give him an opportunity to stop and change his ways. If he doesn't stop then follow through with your threat and give her the opportunity to handle it herself. Good Luck
2007-09-02 06:11:30 · answer #4 · answered by firemouse23 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep out of it. If anything talk to him privately and get his friends to talk to him as well. A new baby in the house may or may not change things for the better. It sounds like he needs help though.
2007-09-02 06:07:40 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think its great that you are so concerned and I think that you should talk to your brother. If you can find his profile so easily all over the place who knows if his wife hasent' come across them herself.
Just explain your concerns and hope for the best.
I don't think that you should talk to his wife just yet. GIve him a chance first, but if he will start acting like a jerk and treating her really badly than go and talk to her about what you know
2007-09-02 06:08:41 · answer #6 · answered by Malgorzata B 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If I were you, I would talk to him privately about what you have learned. Let him know that you know about his activities and that his activities could hurt the family.
Yes, your brother and sister-in-law might still end up in divorce. But if you talk to your brother, at least you will KNOW that you did TRY to help him.
If you do not talk to him and try to keep your knowledge secret, then if they do divorce, you will forever have your doubts because you failed to act when you should have.
2007-09-02 13:43:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I would talk to him about what you know. Tell him that if he does not seek help you will let his wife know. Ask him why he would do such a thing and what if his wife was doing it to him. It's a two way street. When a guy thinks about if his gal was doing the same to him it makes him think really hard why he is doing this foolishness.
2007-09-02 06:09:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
im sorry but i don't believe u should leave it alone. PEOPLE IMAGINE IF YOU WERE THE SISTER IN LAW, wouldn't YOU want to know? I say talk to your brother, sex addictions are serious. Maybe talk to your siste and law too. In the long run, he will thank youu.. .
(sorry for like doing two letters or missing one im in a cast on 3 of my fingers can't type well lol)
2007-09-02 06:08:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Your sister in law deserves to know the truth about her husband. hes cheating. there is no way an innocent baby should be brought into this situation. sooner or later your brothers cheating will come to light, and the wife will be hurt but not only her but an innocent baby. TELL HER PROVE IT TO HER before she gts hurt worse and this innocent baby gts into the pic. i understand you love him and if only if his wife knows and he gts help then and only then id gt the baby. at least the baby wont gt hurt out of this kind of mess. i feel so sorry for this women.
2007-09-02 06:10:34 · answer #10 · answered by renae2007_1986 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He is your brother, but you need to understand he is an adult and he is making his own choices and he knows the consecuences of his acts. Just tell him you love him and you are worry about his behavior, tell him to be careful and that you will not tell anyone about that because its his life. And tell him that if he need someone to talk about that, he can trust you. Blood is heavier than water.
2007-09-02 06:11:18 · answer #11 · answered by speedy girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋